


Final

by MissMegara



Series: And Then There Was Him [6]
Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:53:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 57,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6114295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMegara/pseuds/MissMegara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've made it this far, but they still have to look further ahead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Return

**Author's Note:**

> I know, there's a huge choir somewhere in the background, loudly singing _*Let it go*_
> 
> Well, I couldn't ^_^ 
> 
> After part 4, I just immediately knew how the story would continue, and I really needed to write that down. And then I really needed to finish this. I'm selfish that way.
> 
> Once again a big, big **thank you** to my lovely beta [Fuchsia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuchsia/pseuds/Fuchsia). Thank you for all your patience and brilliant feedback. You have my everlasting gratitude for all the time and thought you continue to waste on me ^_^ 
> 
> Okay everyone, this is definitely going to be the final part of the series ^_^ We'll pick up right where we left off. Here we go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction, consisting of fictional characters living fictional lives.

The taxi ride from the hotel to Yuzuru's apartment had only taken a couple of minutes. Javier waited until Yuzuru had handled the fare. He offered to pay his share, but of course Yuzuru declined before he could even finish the sentence. After the driver had taken the luggage out of the trunk and handed it to them, Javier had to practically tear the backpack from Yuzuru's fingers. If he had a few more arms and hands, he would probably have insisted on carrying every last piece alone.

"This building doesn't look like I remember it," Javier said as he walked behind Yuzuru towards the entrance.

"It's not the same. I moved."

"What? When? And why? The other place was perfect."

"Last year," Yuzuru mumbled without turning around, answering the other question with nothing more than a shrug. And Javier didn't ask again.

The tour of his new apartment pretty much consisted of Yuzuru pointing at several doors, declaring what could be found behind them. Javier couldn't help but stick his head into the kitchen. "Since when do you need so much space for cooking?"

"Hey, I can cook."

"Yeah, water and rice. You're an absolute expert at that."

Yuzuru rolled his eyes and grabbed one of Javier's suitcases. "I take that to bedroom now." He looked at him over his shoulder, a suggestive smile playing around his lips. "You want to see?"

Javier didn't bother to get his other bag and just followed him right away. That was a look he didn't have to be given twice. But upon entering the room, he got sidetracked. "Wow, that is..." He whistled through his teeth as he turned his head to look around the room. "I think the bedroom alone is bigger than your last apartment. How did you find this place?"

"My sister lived here before. But she moved to a house with her husband." He put Javier's bag down and neatly placed it next to a chair at the corner of the room. "The rink is not far away. I must not travel so much around the city now."

Javier knew that he should probably listen to Yuzuru's answer after asking a question, but right now there was only one thought on his mind. "This looks really comfortable," he sighed and let himself fall onto the bed, then rolled on his back with his eyes closed. This bed didn't just look comfortable. This might've been the coziest surface he'd ever lain on. His body agreed wholeheartedly and refused to move even the tiniest bit now that it had been rested so perfectly.

Yuzuru lay down next to him and let the back of his hand tenderly glide over Javier's cheek. "Tired?" he asked in a whisper and half expected that Javier had already drifted off.

"No, no, I'm fine," Javier answered while unsuccessfully trying to suppress a yawn. "What time is it?" He looked at his wrist watch and realized that he'd forgotten to reset it. A glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand told him that it was barely 8 o'clock. But it had been more than 25 hours since he'd left his apartment in Madrid. He'd barely slept on the plane, but then he had still tried to keep himself awake during the day, in the vain hope that he could avoid the worst effects of the inevitable jet lag. He shouldn't have lain down, because now exhaustion suddenly started to creep into his bones. "You look tired," he heard Yuzuru's voice again, but it already sounded blurry and much further away than just a second ago. "No, I'm awake," he mumbled, this time not even able to open his eyes anymore. "And we came here to... we still can..."

It only vaguely registered with Javier that the blanket got pulled out from underneath him. Yuzuru struggled quite a bit, but somehow he managed to free Javier from his jeans. Either Javier had gained weight or those pipe cleaner arms of his were due for some extra training. After a quick stop in the bathroom, Yuzuru turned off all the lights and crawled into bed, like he'd done so many nights before. He hesitated for a moment because he feared he might wake him. But in the end the urge was too strong to resist, and as he carefully snuggled up to Javier, he got instantly caught in an embrace that happened all on its own.

 

When Yuzuru opened his eyes again, he could already feel that is wasn't yet time to get up. The curtains were ajar just a tiny bit and he could see that the sun had already started to come up. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It wasn't even five in the morning. Only three more hours and that damn thing would wake him up for good, forcing him to leave this peaceful place because there was a crowd of people waiting for him at the rink, ready to begin training for the show. But right now he couldn't have cared less. His arm instinctively moved to the side, because he knew that tonight his hand would not be doomed to grasp at nothing. But all he got between his fingers was the second set of bedclothes. The one that had so far been lying there for decorative reasons only, because his sister had told him that he couldn't very well buy such a huge double bed and then only put one set of bedclothes on top of it. Her reasoning still eluded Yuzuru, but it had been much easier to just do as she said instead of arguing with her. And last night that second set had finally been put to good use when Javier had found his way back into his bed.

Yuzuru switched on the bedside lamp. It sure looked like the other half of the bed had been slept in. And Yuzuru was sure that the room smelled differently. Like something familiar. But how many times had that happened? How often had he woken up in the middle of the night, certain that there was someone by his side. Only to find that he was wrong. That he'd been tossing and turning so much, he'd rumpled the sheets all on his own. That the smell in the air was nothing more than a figment of his imagination. That he was still alone.

Yuzuru got out from underneath the blanket and crawled on all four to the edge of the bed, checking the floor around it. Hadn't he put Javier's slippers somewhere next to it? And his jeans, weren't they supposed to lie on the chair in the corner? He was sure he'd put them there. "Javi?" he said quietly, still looking around the half-dark room. "Javi?" he said again, a whole lot louder than he had intended to. He could feel his pulse quickening, sensed every beat of his heart by the blood rushing through his veins. He was just about to jump out of bed, had already taken another breath to call out his name again, when suddenly the door opened and Javier appeared in the frame. 

"Hey. I thought I'd heard you. Did you call for me?"

Yuzuru stared at Javier who was still standing in the door frame, wearing nothing but his boxers and a slightly confused smile. Yuzuru let go of the sheet that was still clenched in his fist and sat back on his heels, desperately trying to keep the heaving of his chest under control – and suddenly he felt like a complete idiot. "No… I mean yes, I did, but..." He swallowed hard and dropped his shoulders about as fast as his gaze. In the light that came from the doorway, Yuzuru saw a small pile lying on the floor. Apparently Javier's jeans hadn't quite made it to the chair after all. 

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, sure, fine, it's just... you weren't here and I..." Yuzuru let himself fall on his back, grabbed a pillow and pressed it hard against his face. "Sorry. I'm stupid," he muttered so muffled, Javier could barely make out what he was saying. But by now he'd already understood anyway.

"I just needed a glass of water," he said once Yuzuru had removed the pillow from his face. "Can I go and turn off the light in the kitchen? I'll come right back, I promise."

"Yes, of course. Sorry. So stupid."

"You're sure you won't start yelling again?"

Yuzuru rolled his eyes and lifted his head. He looked at precisely the smug smile he had expected to see. "Yes, go and turn off light."

"You're really sure? The neighbors might get the wrong idea if you..." Javier only just managed to catch the pillow that came flying straight towards his face. "Be right back," he laughed before he tossed it back and left the room again. Yuzuru still made a face when Javier came back into bed only moments later. "See, I told you I'd be right back."

"Not funny."

"I get it. I was gone for at least five minutes. No wonder you started screaming."

"Not funny!"

"But you can't always do that. There are some things I'll have to do alone, like go to the bathroom. I can't have you screaming your head off every..." Javier put his hands over his face when once again the pillow came crashing down on him.

_"Not funny!"_

Javier laughingly took the feathery weapon from his hands. "It's a little funny."

Yuzuru glanced over at Javier and saw him smile in that comforting way that usually made him feel all safe and cozy. He wanted to smile back at him, but right now he couldn't. "No, it wasn't funny." He'd heard that slight tremble in his voice, and judging from the look on his face, Javier must've heard it too. He hated himself for being such a whiny cliché. He wouldn't cry. He already felt ridiculous enough, he didn't need to add _pathetic_ to the mix. He wanted to turn to his side, away from Javier. But Javier had already moved over, taken Yuzuru's arm and laid it around his shoulders. "I missed you too," he whispered and snuggled his face into Yuzuru's chest. "I hated it when I woke up at night and you weren't there. I just want us to forget about all that."

"But we shouldn't," Yuzuru replied seriously and let his fingers glide through Javier's short curls. "If we forget mistakes, we make them again. And we can't do that because maybe next time..."

Javier looked up at him. He had the strangest feeling as he watched Yuzuru lightly shake his head, his gaze slowly drifting off. He couldn't place it, but he was sure he'd heard him say something similar before. "Fair enough. But you know what?" Javier let his hand glide up over Yuzuru's chest and gently caressed his cheek. "There's more to remember."


	2. Rediscover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say **thank you everyone** for commenting, leaving kudos and simply reading ^_^ I got a little more response to this than I had expected ^_^ I really appreciate all the positive feedback.

Javier crawled on top of him, ever so carefully as to not lay his whole weight on him. A smile conquered Yuzuru's face, brightening the dark room more than the dim shine from the bedside lamp ever could. He lifted his head, but before he knew it, two hands were placed on his shoulders, gently holding him down. Yuzuru kissed him back when their lips finally touched, when their mouths opened and their tongues searched for the tender caress of one another. Yuzuru dared him almost instantly, tried to make him let loose. But Javier wouldn't let him move too fast and kept backing away just far enough whenever Yuzuru pushed too hard. "Slow down," he breathed in between two touches, and finally Yuzuru gave in. He let Javier take control, allowed him to hold him down, to make him feel heavy between the sheets while his kiss was so sweet and light, it was as if every next touch could be the one to make them fly. With a soft gasp Yuzuru opened his eyes when Javier then broke the kiss. He felt one hand move from his shoulder to his face, one finger affectionately slide over his lower lip, as if to remove the last remnants of their kiss. 

"That was nice," Yuzuru whispered, and somehow saying this felt so very familiar.

Javier stared at his fingers that were still caressing Yuzuru's face. "You said you got condoms, right?" he mumbled and felt Yuzuru's features contort underneath his touch.

"Really?"

"It would be stupid and you know it."

Yes, Yuzuru was painfully aware of that, and usually stupidity wasn't one of his strong suits. But right now this hardly seemed fair. With a sigh he nodded in the direction of the nightstand. Javier opened the drawer and rummaged around, then put some condoms and the lube on top of the nightstand before he turned back towards Yuzuru. The face he now looked at spoke volumes. "Happy now?" Yuzuru asked, unable to hide that he was still a bit bugged by the fact that they now actually needed to use condoms for the very first time.

"Cariño, it's for your own good. I'm just trying to protect you."

Yuzuru squinted and stuck out his tongue, making a noise that was somewhere between gagging and gurgling. Like he didn't know all that.

"Oh that is very attractive," Javier smirked. "Is that your new sex face?" Yuzuru giggled and hit him in the shoulder. "Do that again, that was really hot."

"I show you hot," Yuzuru breathed, running his fingers through Javier's hair and pulling him back down into a kiss. He sneaked one hand into Javier's shorts, making him gasp and groan as he firmly wrapped his slender fingers around his already hardening cock, stroking him like he knew that Javier enjoyed it. Javier slipped his hands under Yuzuru's shirt, eagerly caressing him underneath it until he finally pushed it over his head. He slowly let his fingers glide all over Yuzuru's naked chest, still marveling at the thought that he'd never touched anything as smooth and perfect as the skin on this body. Yuzuru lifted his head when Javier leaned down again, expecting to start another kiss. But Javier's lips now longed for something else. Yuzuru moaned and pressed his body deep into the mattress when Javier's tongue circled the sensitive skin of his nipple. He rubbed the other one with his fingers while his mouth was still busy licking and sucking the little bud that kept getting harder between his lips and then, yes, there it was again, that shiver that took hold of Yuzuru's whole body and that high-pitched moan he'd never been able to control whenever Javier did this to him.

Javier let up on his chest and came back to kiss him. They could both feel the other one get harder, kept rubbing their erections against each other, reveling in the idea that they could still cause this to happen so quickly. Another moan echoed in their mouths as Javier's hand wandered down between Yuzuru's thighs, caressing him through the fabric that was completely overchallenged by what it needed to contain. Yuzuru whined and tried to hold him back when their kiss ended abruptly. But Javier was already gone, his lips never leaving Yuzuru's body as they went down his chest until they'd reached the waistband. He tried to pull down his pajama pants and briefs as quickly as possible but got caught up in his own urgency, entangling the two pieces of clothing more and more. Yuzuru chuckled as Javier started cursing in Spanish, still tugging at his pants and trying to remove them.

Finally Javier had accomplished his goal. He smiled and inadvertently licked his lips when he saw how Yuzuru willingly spread his legs for him, freely offering his naked body to whatever Javier wanted to do with it. He leaned down and let both hands glide over his legs, his lips only brushing the tender skin as he whispered more words in Spanish. He left a trail of kisses on Yuzuru's groin, let his tongue trace the natural line from his abdomen down to his thigh, watched how those touches alone were enough to make Yuzuru's erection grow harder. Yuzuru buried his hands in the pillow when Javier started stroking him, his tongue painting tantalizing pictures on his inner thigh. But his touches were fleeting, unsteady, never allowing the twitching body in his hands to fully commit to the pleasure. Yuzuru was ready to beg, to plead with Javier to please give him what he needed so badly when he finally felt Javier's lips wrap around his cock. He instantly swallowed him down almost to the base and quickly bobbed his head, causing Yuzuru to make quiet, whimpery noises. Those lips sure weren't touching him for the first time, but this felt like nothing before. Every swallow and hum and moan Javier placed around his hardened length spread like wildfire through his whole body. Javier was just about to release him when Yuzuru grabbed his head, held him down and started thrusting into his mouth, needing to feel more of what he had missed for so long. Only when he noticed the stifled choking noises did he finally let go. Yuzuru glanced down at him, the word "Sorry" already on his lips. But after one deep gasp Javier's face had already disappeared between his thighs as he continued his exploration, recalling all the spots he needed to touch, finding them blindly since he still knew each and every one by heart. Yuzuru's head dropped back and more sounds of pleasure escaped him as Javier started licking and sucking on his most sensitive spots over and over before his tongue went up and down his cock again. Yuzuru threaded his fingers in Javier's hair, tried to control his hips as best as he could when Javier took him back in his mouth and sucked hard on the head while his hand stroked the length at a quickening pace.

Yuzuru was almost relieved when Javier needed to catch his breath and finally let go of him. But that breathing pause only lasted for a second before Javier was already at it again and had once again taken him so deep into his mouth and, God, if it went on like that he wouldn't be able to last much longer. Yuzuru grabbed harder at Javier's hair, still tempted beyond believe to just keep moving in sync with him, to just end it and come like he so desperately wanted to. But he forced himself to wait, pulled Javier off and pushed him on his back. "My turn," he gasped while he yanked down Javier's boxers, ignoring the amused smirk entirely.

Yuzuru noticed the empty condom wrapper on the nightstand. He had no idea when that had happened, but he also didn't care and just grabbed another one for Javier. He didn't know why his fingers were suddenly shaking. It's not like he was doing this for the first time. But the darn plastic just wouldn't rip and why was there even a dent if you couldn't open it there and just to hell with it, who needed the damn thing anyway. Before he could throw it aside, Javier calmly took the wrapper from his hands and handled the rest himself. "Forgot how to use those?" he asked teasingly when he saw that Yuzuru cheeks had turned that lovely shade of pink. "I could help you practice. Wouldn't be our first training session together." Yuzuru hit him in the shoulder, huffing through his nose but also smiling, remembering that he'd always loved him for the way he could make him feel at ease about embarrassing little trifles like this. He was just about to go down on him when Javier took his face between both hands and pulled him in the opposite direction. "Come here," he whispered – as if Yuzuru needed a reason to kiss him again.

Yuzuru barely realized what was happening until he found himself lying on his back again, his legs spread wide and Javier kneeling between them. "I said my turn," he muttered with a pout, but when he heard a silent clicking noise, he knew that Javier was not about to meet his request. Yuzuru flinched a bit when the cold lube hit his skin, the tip of Javier's finger teasing his entrance. Yuzuru put his wrists under the hollows of his knees and pulled his legs further up, his eyes closed, mutterings in Japanese leaving his lips as his breathing became heavy. Javier leaned down to kiss his chest again, to lick up the taste of his skin while his finger slowly pushed inside. He buried his face in Yuzuru's neck, nibbling at the silky skin, his ear being filled by Yuzuru's whimpering as he kept moving his finger, recalled all the motions he knew would get Yuzuru going. Yuzuru wrapped one arm around his neck and pulled their lips back together, only to moan right through their kiss without inhibition, sharing his arousal with every single breath. It took longer than it used to, Javier was pretty sure about that. But then again, Yuzuru had remained untouched for such a long time, and the thought that he would be the one to finally end his celibacy, that idea was indeed quite thrilling as well. "Ready?" he asked when he finally felt Yuzuru's body become pliant. And the answer was a yearning nod, just as he had expected.

Javier was just about to reposition when he got flipped over and pushed on his back. Yuzuru rolled on top of him and pressed him down with all the weight his tiny body had to offer. "I said my turn," he repeated with the most mischievous smirk, and Javier didn't bother to reply. Yuzuru grabbed the lube and did what he needed to as quickly as possible, adding the last few strokes to get Javier fully ready as well. He loved to watch Javier's face when he took control of this part, when he saw Javier gradually get high on the feeling of being taken inside of his body, deeper and deeper. He'd forgotten how it felt. What it was like to be so close to someone you want with all your mind and body alike. Javier's hands traveled over his skin, one moving up to pinch Yuzuru's nipples, the other one wrapped around his cock, stroking him just enough to keep him hard. Yuzuru kept bobbing and rolling his hips, searching for the perfect angle that he knew existed in this position. He finally found it leaning forward, making him almost topple over at the sudden rush of lust conquering his body. He supported himself with both hands on the mattress while Javier buried his fingers deep in the flesh of Yuzuru's hips and started thrusting into him, causing a groan so raw and honest like he hadn't heard it in a long time.

Yuzuru's wrists gave out, forcing him to lean on his forearms, but Javier quickly adjusted his position. They somehow tried to maintain a kiss, but all they achieved was a messy touching of lips and tongues that was both hindered and encouraged by Yuzuru's panting. His head ended up lying on Javier's shoulder, his face buried in his neck, his fingers clenching Javier's arms like they were the last anchor to keep him grounded in this world. Yuzuru's moans decayed to mere whimpering, shallow little gasps that got forced out of his body every time Javier pushed into it. He felt Javier's hands leave burning marks on his skin, on his back, his hips, his ass, setting every inch of his body on fire while waves of pleasure shot through him from head to toe. He felt Javier's touch, heard him moan into his ear until his own cry got muffled in Javier's neck, Yuzuru's body quivering and shaking under an orgasm that came without warning but lasted all the longer.

More tremors ran through Yuzuru's body, making him twitch and moan even more before Javier finally kept still. He collapsed on top of Javier and didn't even try to support himself in any way. All he wanted was to breathe, to make sure his frazzled self wouldn't just wither away and fade into nothingness again. He felt Javier kiss him on the cheek, his hand moving up and down his spine before he lovingly patted his butt. He also felt that Javier wasn't exactly done, and as much as his brain had already realized the implications, he found it impossible to make his body react to it right now.

"Come on, move over," Javier said quietly and gently pushed Yuzuru to the side, making sure to be careful as he pulled out of him. Yuzuru did as he was told and rolled on his back, ready to let Javier finish what they had started. But all he did was free both of them from their condoms and quickly dispose of them in the trash bin before he lay back down next to Yuzuru.

"Get a new one," he mumbled, smiling meekly. "I can give..."

Javier stopped him with a kiss. "Relax. I know you usually need a moment after you've come." He snuggled up to him, making Yuzuru put his arm around his shoulders again, soothingly stroking his chest until Yuzuru finally closed his eyes. "Just take a minute. We got time."


	3. Restart

Yuzuru briefly opened his eyes, only to immediately close them again. He felt Javier's fingertips glide up and down his forearm while his other hand carefully ran through his hair, pulling a few strands back behind his ear. With a quiet sigh Yuzuru snuggled further up to him. "Ohayō," he mumbled into his chest, unaware that his half asleep brain had not yet switched to their common language.

"Morning, my love," Javier whispered back and kissed him on top of the head. He'd been awake for a while now and had turned off the alarm before it could make a sound. He wouldn't have dreamed about getting up and leaving him alone here. Not only because of what had happened the night before, but because he thought it would be utterly unfair. When he himself had woken up, he didn't even have to open his eyes to know that Yuzuru was lying next to him, sleeping peacefully, one arm slung around his waist. He felt the familiar shape of his body, smelled the scent that still told of what had happened only a few hours before. He couldn't even remember the last time when waking up in the morning had been reason enough to feel so overwhelmingly happy and safe. He wouldn't deprive Yuzuru from feeling exactly the same on this day.

Yuzuru lifted his head and opened one eye. "What you call me?"

"Hm?"

_"My love?"_

"What's wrong with that?"

"You never call me like that before," he giggled and lay back down.

"You do know that I basically call you this all the time, right? Cariño?"

"I know," Yuzuru sighed and snuggled his face further into Javier's chest. He could do this all day long. Just lie here, feel the warmth of his body and inhale the scent of his skin. He'd almost forgotten how comforting it was to just be close to him. "It sounds weird in English. I like it more when you say..." He stopped mid-sentence, and not a second later his head shot up. "Oh no," he mumbled, his expression blank and his eyes opened wide. "I fall asleep?"

Javier nodded, unable to hold back a smirk. He'd wondered how long it would take until he remembered. "Yes, you did."

"Oh no."

"It's okay."

"No, _not_ okay," he grumbled, striking Javier in the shoulder with the flat of his hand. "Why you let me fall asleep?"

"Because you were exhausted."

"But we haven't..." Yuzuru made a face that was apparently supposed to finish the sentence without words. 

"We haven't _what?_ " Javier gently caressed his cheek before he teasingly grabbed him by the neck. "Don't tell me you've already forgotten about it. You sure looked like you had fun."

Yuzuru put on a smile that was meant to be coy, but to Javier it looked as tantalizing as the rest of that still naked body in his arms. "I had fun," Yuzuru mumbled, pursing his lips. "But you didn't... you know..."

"Don't worry, I took care of myself."

"Eww."

" _Eww?_ Seriously?"

With a surly grumble Yuzuru put his chin back down onto Javier's chest. _Eww_ was maybe not the right word for it, but this surely wasn't how he'd pictured their reunion. "I don't sleep now," he purred, one fingertip running over Javier's bare skin, tracing the line of his collarbone. "You want that I take care of you now?" 

Javier didn't even get a chance to answer when Yuzuru already crawled on top of him and kissed his way up over his chest. Javier moaned quietly when Yuzuru buried his face in his neck, sucking on that little spot that he knew would make Javier's toes curl in an instant. "I can get whatever I want?" he forced a sentence, his fingers threaded in Yuzuru's hair. But the only answer he got was another sigh that left traces of hot breath on his neck. He carefully pushed him a bit away and cupped his face with both hands. "What I really want is... take a shower, brush my teeth, and then have breakfast with you."

Yuzuru tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "You don't want sex, you want _breakfast_?"

"I already got sex." Javier lifted his head and kissed him on the tip of the nose. "There's so much more that I missed."

The smile on Yuzuru's face couldn't have gotten any broader without pulling a muscle in his cheeks. "Maybe we can take shower together and then you have breakfast with me?"

"Sounds perfect," Javier laughed and started tickling him, because he knew it would be the fastest way to get Yuzuru out of this bed. He had a feeling it might take them a while until they'd get out of the apartment today.

* * * * *

When the cab pulled up in front of the rink, they saw Kanako standing at the door. She had her arms crossed before her chest and one foot tapping on the floor with such frequency, it was a miracle that the flight of stairs underneath her didn't already show some massive cracks.

"Oh oh," Yuzuru mumbled as he waved towards her.

"Why _oh oh_?"

"We're late."

"Not that much. If we hurry a bit, we can still be on time for practice."

"I tell her I come early and help with preparations."

"Oh oh. Then you're in trouble," Javier grinned and pulled out his wallet to pay the fare. "Why are we at your rink anyway? I thought the show will be at the big arena."

"Reservation problem. We couldn't book as much time as we need, and the ice isn't ready yet. We have practice here for two days and then go to the arena."

"If there was a problem with the venue, why didn't you just pick another date?"

"I didn't want to," Yuzuru shrugged. "I thought this is good date. We can make it work."

They quickly got out of the cab and grabbed their bags. Kanako was still standing at the entrance and glaring at them, her hands now braced on her hips, making her look even more annoyed. "Good morning, _boss_ ," she grumbled in Japanese as they walked towards her. "Thank you for showing up at all."

"I'm so sorry."

"And of course you are late together. Like that hasn't happened a million times before."

"I'm really sorry."

"By the way, the hotel called my office. We'll have to pay the room in full, even though he's obviously not staying there any longer. We're on a tight budget, you know, I could've..." 

"Don't be mad at him," Javier interrupted her. "It's my fault that we're late. He had to... take care of me."

_"Eww!"_ Kanako contorted her face, waving her hands like she needed to battle an entire bee-hive that was attacking her head. "You come back _one day_ and already you say disgusting things again."

"I only meant..."

"I know what you meant. You're disgusting. And you're still idiot."

"And thank God you're still an uptight bitch."

"No no no," Yuzuru groaned and stepped between them. "What is wrong with you? I thought you two stop fighting long time ago." This morning had started out so perfectly. Why did they have to go and ruin it by getting into another one of their silly brawls? Although, Yuzuru was a tad puzzled when he saw the grin on Javier's face. He looked over his shoulder and saw Kanako smirk at him in an all too similar fashion. "What's going on?"

Kanako rolled her eyes and shoved him aside. "You two are perfect together. You're idiot too," she chuckled before she walked past him and gave Javier a hug. "I'm so glad you're back," she sighed quietly, her voice almost failing her as she breathed the words into his ear.

"Me too," he whispered back and kissed her on the cheek before he released her from his embrace. "How are you?"

"I'm good."

"How's Toshi?"

"Still wants to marry me."

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know. He's idiot too. I have a type."

Yuzuru excessively waved one arm, interrupting them without saying a word. "What's going on?"

"Just because you stopped talking to him, doesn't mean that I had to do the same," Kanako said, switching back to Japanese. She grabbed Yuzuru's bag and walked past him. "Now would you please get your asses to the rink? The others are all waiting for you."

Javier just shrugged when Yuzuru gave him a questioning look before they both followed Kanako, who was already halfway down the corridor. "You mean," Yuzuru almost whispered when he finally caught up with her, "you've been in contact with him?"

"Brilliant deduction, really."

"The whole time?"

"It's not like I called him for hours every day. We just emailed from time to time."

"Why haven't you told me?"

"He's my friend too. I had every right to do that."

"Yes, sure, but... why didn't you tell me about it."

"Like you would've wanted to know. You wouldn't even tell me _why_ you broke up. And every time I asked you about him, you said it was none of my business. So why would I tell you anything?"

Yuzuru winced at the overt trace of chagrin in her voice. She didn't sound quite as angry as she used to, but thinking back to this obviously didn't make her all too happy either. Yuzuru knew that he'd behaved like an idiot over the last year. And even worse, that he'd been a really bad friend towards her. She'd been there for him all the way. For his first incoherent babbling when he'd developed a crush on his training mate. For all those accidental tears that he'd shed, confessing how afraid he really was of trying to find a new kind of relationship that might be harder than anything he'd ever done before. But she had pushed him forward, had forced him to act on his feelings and take a chance on that stupid idiot that she pretended to not even like very much. In one way or another, she had always had his back. And he had thanked her by shutting her out completely after he had split up with Javier. Countless times she had tried to get through to him, but he wouldn't let her in anymore. Even though he'd known that he was hurting her, and that all her anger stemmed from sheer disappointment in the way that he treated her.

"So," he finally said hesitantly, "you two talked about me?"

"I haven't mentioned you with one word. Never. And neither has he."

Yuzuru quickly turned his head and glanced at Javier. He really shouldn't have been surprised, but somehow that revelation still stung. "Never?"

"Oh please, you two aren't exactly the world's greatest enigma." Kanako stopped in front of the men's locker room and handed the bag back to Yuzuru. "What do you think how I knew that he was just as miserable as you?" She pushed the door open and pointed inside the empty room. "Can you now _please_ get ready and go to the rink? We're on a schedule."


	4. Lock and Key

The locker room door had barely closed behind them when Yuzuru turned towards Javier. "Why didn't you tell me that you talk to Kana all the time?"

Javier placidly put his bag on one of the benches and started unpacking his things. "It's not like I kept it a secret. It just didn't come up since... well, since yesterday." Javier smiled at him from the side as he unbuttoned his pants. "And yesterday I had other things on my mind." Yuzuru rolled his eyes, but Javier could still see the hint of a blush on his cheeks, and so he just pointed at one of the other benches. "You should get ready too. She's going to be really pissed if we don't hurry up."

Yuzuru sat down opposite Javier and started unpacking as well. "What you talk about with Kana?" he asked as casually as possible while taking off his shirt.

"I don't know. Normal things." Javier stuffed his jeans into his bag and took out some sweat pants. "Family. Work. Things like that." He clearly noticed how Yuzuru eyed him from the side, following his every move as he pulled up his sweat pants. "And she sure likes to talk about Toshi." Javier stretched the elastic waistband of his pants and made it snap loudly against his stomach, causing Yuzuru to finally look him in the face again.

"I know. I always let her talk," Yuzuru said softly and shrugged his shoulders. "She sounds happy when she talks about him."

"She's in love."

"Yes. Very much."

They silently looked at each other, not needing any words to understand the other one's smile. But then Javier realized how his gaze had begun to wander over Yuzuru's naked chest, and that's when he forced himself to turn towards his bag again. "So, any chance I will meet Toshi while I'm here?"

"Sure." When Javier took off his shirt, Yuzuru knew that he needed to divert his attention as quickly as possible. Staring at his broad, naked shoulders, imagining how his hands would glide over them, down his arms and around his chest – that was absolutely not the way to speed this up. "We hire Toshi's catering company for this week. I think he will be here soon."

"What's the deal with him anyway? Does he look like a supermodel or like something you only see in Japanese horror movies?"

Yuzuru was in the midst of pulling down his pants, but that question made him laugh so hard, he lost his balance and needed to sit back down. "Why you say that?"

"I've never seen the guy. I asked Kana for a picture, but she always conveniently forgot to send me one. So I figured there had to be something wrong with him."

Yuzuru was still laughing while he put on his training clothes. "There's nothing wrong with Toshi. But I think Kana don't want that you tease her."

"Why would I tease her?"

Yuzuru pulled the zipper of his bag closed and grabbed his skates. "You will see."

"Just tell me."

"No. You will see."

That mischievous grin on Yuzuru's face did absolutely nothing to ease Javier's curiosity, but he didn't ask any more. He just did as Yuzuru and finished putting on his training clothes and his skates. Yuzuru was done long before him, which was something that hadn't happened all too often in the past. While Javier was still tying up his skates, Yuzuru stored both their bags in a locker. He couldn't help but check his hair in the little mirror that was attached to the inside of the door. He thought he still looked like he'd just crawled out of bed five minutes ago, even though he'd certainly spent more than enough time in the bathroom this morning. First Javier had gotten his much longed-for shower. They somehow managed not to slip and kill themselves while fooling around in a bathroom that was way too small for such a giant apartment. But after that they didn't end up in the kitchen to have breakfast. They must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the corridor, because ultimately they found themselves back in bed together, which then led to another inevitable visit to the shower. Unsurprisingly, between all that Yuzuru hadn't found much time to get his hair in order. Now his bangs were a total mess and strands of hair were hanging all over the place, and as much as he pulled and tugged them, they just wouldn't stay where they were supposed to be.

Javier watched him for a while before he stepped behind him, put both hands on his hips and brought his lips closely next to his ear. "Remember the changing room at the Cricket Club?" he whispered and let his hands glide forward to cross in front of his stomach. "At the back of the room, there was this spot, right next to the last locker. Where nobody could see us from the doorway, so we didn't have to worry about anybody walking in on us."

"Stop it," Yuzuru said calmly and closed the door of the locker. But Javier could hear the smirk on his lips loud and clear, and so he tightened his embrace and put a soft kiss on his cheek. "I mean it. Not here, Javi."

Javier released him and took a step back, waiting for Yuzuru to turn around. "I was just asking for a kiss, nothing more."

"I know. But somebody can come in and see us."

"So what? I thought we were done hiding?"

Yuzuru let his whole upper body slump down and tilted his head. "Really?"

"What, really?"

"You really want that somebody just _catch us_ here?"

Javier pressed his lips together and formed them into a painful looking grin. "I guess not."

"Yeah, I guess not too," Yuzuru copied him and wobbled his head. "I want that we _tell_. I don't want that somebody just come in and see us. We were always so careful about that."

Now it was Javier's turn to raise his eyebrows and put on a mildly condescending look. "Well," he smirked and rolled his eyes, " _kind of_ careful."

"Careful enough."

"Yeah, like that one time when..."

"That," Yuzuru raised a warning finger that stopped Javier from finishing the sentence even in his head, " _that_ was accident."

"One hell of an accident."

"Yes, but that's in past and..." he paused for only the length of a deep breath. "I don't want more accidents and no more secrets. We were always secret," he said calmly, swallowing hard and blinking a bit more often than he needed to. "Did you tell secret with somebody else?"

"No. No, I haven't." Javier cleared his throat and put his hands in the pockets of his pants, only to immediately pull them out again. "I mean, I didn't 'come out' or anything like that," he said, painting exaggerated air-quotes with his fingers. "I just wasn't always as careful as I was with you, so... I guess many people wouldn't be surprised." He smirked a bit clumsily. "Have you..."

"No." Yuzuru shook his head and smiled back at him, his fingers awkwardly brushing through his own hair. "There was no other man and... I never want to tell with anyone else. But now I just want normal relationship with my boyfriend." He could see that Javier was tempted to come closer. Probably to kiss him. Possibly to do more. "But it's complicated."

"Doesn't sound complicated." Javier finally took that step forward. But he didn't do what he wanted to do, because he knew it would get him scolded again.

"In Japan this is really private," Yuzuru said with a strained voice, his body tense and one shoulder pulled up almost to his ear. "It's not good when we just kiss everywhere and..."

"I know. I've been here often enough," Javier interrupted him, nodding with apparent understanding while still unable to keep his eyes from wandering up and down Yuzuru's body. "So how do we do this?"

"We just stop lying. People will not ask many questions, because this is private. And we don't show private things in public."

"So basically everything stays the same."

"No." Yuzuru gently stroked his arm before he took his hand. "Maybe sometimes it looks the same. But it's very different."

Javier calmly let his thumb run over the back of Yuzuru's hand, and as he did, he could see how it put a faint smile on his lips. "So, that means no kissing in the locker room, right?"

"That's not so good, no."

"And this," Javier smirked and squeezed his hand a little tighter, "this is forbidden too?"

"It's not forbidden." Yuzuru didn't stop him when Javier stepped closely towards him. "But maybe not do it when too many people watch."

"How about hugs? Is hugging still allowed?"

"Sure. We can hug," he answered, desperately trying to keep a straight face, "but no hugs with touching my butt."

Javier's smile widened as he carefully studied Yuzuru's features. He really hadn't changed one bit since he'd last seen him. His eyes still gleamed with that chaste sparkle of wonder, even now that he tried to look all serious and mature. And there was still this boyish touch to his lovely smile. The smile he'd first fallen in love with, long before he'd learned to appreciate everything else about him. And just when he thought that this wouldn't be the first rule he had ever broken, Yuzuru leaned over and put a soft kiss on his lips. 

"I thought we shouldn't do that."

"We shouldn't," Yuzuru breathed against his lips and kissed him again.


	5. Out and About

When they finally made it to the rink, the others were already busy getting their instructions for the opening number of the show. They said hello before they went to the side of the rink to get in a quick warm-up. There was no need to pull a muscle just because they had run late this morning. Although Javier had to practically tear Yuzuru away from the group, because he kept apologizing for coming so late, and if he'd let him keep going like that, he wouldn't be done before nightfall. Some things would just never change.  
After a couple of minutes they joined the others on the ice and jumped right into the rehearsal. Yuzuru helped Javier catch up, since he of course already knew every step by heart. "Who the hell choreographed this?" Javier complained absentmindedly when he once again turned in the wrong direction and almost crashed into the skater next to him. "This is more complicated than some of my competitive programs." He didn't even need to hear an answer when he saw how Yuzuru blushed and gave him a chiding look. "No, it's not... it's really good, really, it's just... I'm just tired. I'm really bad at remembering choreography when I'm tired."

"I don't make this alone. I just helped."

"I bet you did."

Yuzuru swooshed over and tried to hit him in the arm, but Javier had already ducked away, skated around him and grabbed him by the hips from behind. They both laughed as they were spinning in circles, Yuzuru's hands now lying on top of Javier's. The others barely took notice of their shenanigans, and not a moment later they were already back on track and got in tune with the rest of the group again. 

They went through the choreography a couple of times before the girls got summoned to study their solo part of the opening number, and all the guys went to the other side of the rink to not be in the way. Javier was looking for Yuzuru, who had just been talking to one of the Japanese skaters. He'd never seen the girl before, but she and Yuzuru seemed rather cozy together, how they laughed and joked, the way she kept touching his arm. Javier would've loved to know who she was. But just when he'd spotted Yuzuru as he came skating across the ice, he himself got cornered by Hiro, one of the kids from Yuzuru's program. It was probably inappropriate to still call him a kid, since he was by now almost 16 years old. But his childlike features sure didn't give any indication about his age. Javier wondered when the boy would finally hit a growth spurt, because Hiro's messy black hair still barely came up to the height of his shoulders. Yuzuru had been mentoring him for years, and when he'd turned to coaching full time, Hiro had become one of his first official students. He had plenty of competition experience already, but this should be his first time to participate in an ice show. Naturally he was all kinds of excited about that, and since he'd known Javier for so many years, he was not the least bit shy to share every part of that excitement with him. Right this moment, and all at once. He bombarded him with questions, without actually giving Javier the chance to answer even a single one of them. Hiro just kept talking about a mile a minute, apparently attempting to set a new world record for the longest continuous sentence without a breathing pause. After a while Javier didn't even try anymore to get a word in and just settled for listening to the overexcited boy. He'd forgotten how adorable Hiro's accent was, and how at the same time his way of speaking made it quite hard to fully understand him. His mother was Japanese – which nobody would have doubted who had ever looked into his face – and that's why he now lived and trained here in Sendai, competing for Japan. But his father was from Scotland, where Hiro's family had spent the first few years of his young life. Therefore his English was obviously much better than that of all the other teenagers around here. That accent, though... Javier had always thought that it would've been impossible for Yuzuru to coach him if Hiro didn't speak Japanese as well.

"So can I come over tonight?"

For a moment Javier didn't even realize that he was now supposed to actually answer for a change. "Sorry, what?"

"Can I come over to your room later? For the video games?"

"Oh. That. Um... you don't have to. I'll bring them with me tomorrow."

"No need. I can just quickly hop over and get them."

"It's, um... I'm not staying at the hotel."

Hiro blatantly scrunched up his face. "I thought all the skaters from the show were staying there."

"Well, not all. Yuzu doesn't stay there."

"The coach lives practically around the corner, he doesn't need to... so where _are_ you staying then?"

Javier had just the tiniest bit of trouble to get out of this inquiry, and the more he tried to dodge the question, the more insistent Hiro's interrogation became. The kid had never been one to hide his feelings but instead wore his heart on his sleeve, letting his curiosity roam free and often speaking before he would bother to think first. And while Javier was still trying to come up with some answers, he suddenly remembered that he didn't need to come up with any kind of lie or lame excuse. It felt strange when he told Hiro that he stayed at Yuzuru's place, mostly because it shouldn't feel strange at all to tell the truth. Especially now that he was actually able and allowed to do just that. And yet, that uncomfortable pinch in his stomach only grew stronger when Hiro kept asking questions that felt more intrusive than they really were. All the answers could be so short and simple, but somehow Javier couldn't make himself speak even a single one of them out loud. He pleadingly glanced towards Yuzuru who was standing almost within spitting distance. Lucky for him, Yuzuru remembered that look quite well and came over to rescue him from whatever it was that had Javier freak out. "Hiro wanted to know why I'm not staying at the hotel," he blundered out before Yuzuru had even come to a complete halt.

"Javi stays at my apartment," he said towards his student while still looking at Javier.

"Yeah, he told me. I was just wondering why, but then he..." The look on Hiro's face suddenly changed. Apparently his brain had finally caught up with his mouth. "Sorry," he said sheepishly and with visible discomfort, "none of my business. I didn't mean to..."

"You don't tell him?" Yuzuru interrupted the boy while still turned towards Javier.

"I didn't know how."

An amused smirk brightened Yuzuru's face. "You forget how to say it?"

"No, it's just..."

"If you need training for this, I can help you practice. We were training mates before and..."

"You just had me confused with all your privacy stuff and the no-touching rules," Javier pouted, repeatedly hitting the toe pick of his skate into the ice. Yuzuru was still chuckling when he slid over and gently patted his arm. "It just felt weird," Javier said quietly, finally looking up at him, "to do this without you."

Yuzuru felt Javier's hand search for his own, stealthily squeezing it for just a short moment before he wanted to let go again. But Yuzuru grabbed his hand before he could pull it back and intertwined their fingers. "It's so scary when Kana is always right."

"About what?"

"We're both idiots."

Hiro was still standing right in front of them, quietly watching the scene unfold before his eyes. "Um... coach?" he mumbled while openly staring at their joined fingers.

"Sorry. Javi is just stupid." Yuzuru clung to his hand when Javier tried to let go off him, silently protesting that last remark. "Javi stays with me because I don't want that my boyfriend sleeps at hotel."

Hiro snickered for a second, but then his eyes narrowed more and more until they had almost disappeared from his face. "What?"

"I'm his boyfriend," Javier confirmed with a shrug and a slight smirk, watching how his words made Hiro's mouth slowly fall open so wide, a whole synchro team could've skated right through that gap. 

"You mean, boyfriend like... boyfriend-boyfriend?" They both answered with only a nod. "You're... wow, that's, um..." Hiro kept looking from one to the other, sometimes awkwardly pulling at his shirt. "That's a surprise," he finally said, still sounding a bit lost for words. "I mean... it's cool, totally cool. Just a surprise. I didn't even know that you're... you know, that you're gay."

"I'm not gay," Yuzuru replied in a tone as dry as desert sand.

Hiro blinked at him a couple of times, his lips silently forming fragments of words. "But you just said he's your boyfriend."

"He is my boyfriend."

Hiro furrowed his brow even further, his gaze unsteadily wandering between the two men before him. "So you're not a couple?"

"Yes, we are."

"But you're not gay."

"No, I'm not." Yuzuru looked to the side when Javier broke out in chuckles.

"I'm not sure this is helping, cariño."

"What is not helping?"

"You don't have to make it so complicated."

"It's not complicated. I'm just not gay."

"So what are you then?" Javier pulled him over by the hand he was still holding onto, laughing even harder at the conflicted expression that had captured Yuzuru's whole face. "You would still rather bite off your tongue than say it out loud, wouldn't you? Is it still worse than _squirrel?_ "

"Why you always talk about stupid animal when..."

"Does it really matter what we call it?" Javier interrupted him softly, letting go of him and instead putting his hand on the small of Yuzuru's back. He didn't even do anything besides make Yuzuru stand closely next to him. It was something they had done a million times before, and yet they knew that it was different. That things were about to change. They both looked up front when Hiro sighed noisily and rubbed his temple with two fingers. 

"Are you serious or are you just messing with me?"

"Sorry, kid." Javier stroked Yuzuru's back one last time before he pulled his hand back. "We're not messing with you."

"You're serious?"

"Totally serious."

"Well that's..." He got interrupted by one of the other junior skaters that called him over to practice at the other side of the rink. "Sorry, gotta go," he abruptly finished the conversation, seemingly having lost interest within the blink of an eye. "But you're still gonna come to dinner tonight, aren't you?"

"Of course we come," Yuzuru answered for both of them. 

Hiro gave them two thumbs up as he already skated backwards and went over to the other group. They silently watched him for a while before Yuzuru said, "You think he tells them already?"

"He's 15. We're lucky if it's not already on twitter and facebook." Yuzuru giggled and lightly elbowed him in the side. "So what was that about dinner tonight?"

"We have welcome dinner for all skaters at traditional restaurant. Sorry, I forget to tell you about it."

"Too bad. I was hoping I'd have you all to myself after practice." Javier glanced to the side, his eyes once again not so subtly wandering down the back of Yuzuru's body. Somehow he'd forgotten how much he'd missed seeing him in those training outfits. How many hours he'd spent watching him during practice, unable to decide if he'd rather keep watching him skate in those clothes, or fantasize about taking them off of him, piece by piece. But right now his mind didn't get a chance to wander all too far, because Yuzuru suddenly made a turn to stand right in front of him.

"Later," he whispered with a wink and slowly skated away from him backwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to give you an early warning: since Worlds is about to take up most of my free time, my next update will probably have to wait until the end of next week. But I assume many of you will have similar problems with time management and will understand my predicament ^_^ sorry and thanks for understanding.


	6. Testing

The first of two training sessions that day had ended, but Yuzuru was still a while away from actually being able to enjoy his lunch break. Kanako wanted to see him to go over his interview schedule for the coming days, so he asked Javier to wait in his office before they'd go storm the buffet that had by now been set up in the recreation room upstairs. He promised that it wouldn't take long, but to Javier it still felt like hours had passed until Yuzuru finally walked back in. He was about five minutes away from thinking that those sofa cushions would make for great appetizers. "Let's go, I'm starving. And I can't wait to meet Toshi. He's still here, isn't he?" he said and jumped out of his seat before the door had a chance to fully snap shut. Yuzuru nodded with a mysterious smile as he walked towards him, and Javier was a wee bit puzzled when Yuzuru took him by the wrists and then wrapped Javier's arms tightly around his body. "Um... my hands are on your ass."

"I know. I put them there."

"I thought you didn't want us to..."

"I locked the door."

Javier was about to reply, but in the same moment Yuzuru had already laid both arms around his neck and softly kissed him. "You make up your rules as you go, huh?" Javier mumbled against his lips, both of them chuckling through the dainty touches without allowing their kiss to be interrupted by something as trivial as verbal banter. When Javier tried to gradually back away from him, Yuzuru only tightened his embrace, pressing against him and making Javier stumble until he had to sit back down on the sofa. Yuzuru got dragged down with him but managed to catch his balance, now sitting astraddle in Javier's lap. Javier still huffed and groaned when he got so impolitely misused as a human airbag. "Seriously, Yuzu, I really need to get something to e..."

"You really need to shut up," he interrupted him, starting up another kiss and instantly deepening it to a point where talking wasn't even remotely an option anymore. Javier went along with it, let one hand slide under Yuzuru's shirt, caressing the small of his back and feeling the bare skin underneath his fingertips. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about this as well. Ever since they'd had sex this morning. And then after that kiss in the locker room. Or when they had to go back to barely touching each other while they were out there on the ice, surrounded by all those eyes and ears that still made it impossible to just completely do what they wanted to do. He would've taken him right here on that couch, quick and dirty and as quietly as they possibly could, like they had done so many times before. He would've done it in a heartbeat, if it weren't for that other nagging desire that kept bothering him...

"Cariño, I'm starving," Javier tried to speak, barely able to say anything with the way Yuzuru's lips kept claiming his own. "Yuzu, seriously, if I don't get food soon, I will eat _you_."

Yuzuru giggled but then slowly stopped kissing him at last. "Okay, we go eat now," he whispered in his ear, nudging him with his nose. "But tomorrow I have plan for lunch time. And you must promise that you come."

"Let me guess: you want to have _'lunch'_ at the apartment?" Javier smirked when Yuzuru kept tickling his neck while leaving a string of kisses on his jawline. "I hope you know that we can't replace _every_ meal with sex."

When Yuzuru leaned back a bit, that same strange smile as before appeared on his face. "I call clinic this morning."

Javier flinched for a second. "Something wrong?"

"No, I'm sure everything's fine." Yuzuru soothingly caressed Javier's face, trying to stroke away all the worry lines that had suddenly appeared. "I just make appointment for us tomorrow."

Javier slowly pulled his hand out from underneath Yuzuru's shirt and made him stand up. "What are you talking about?"

"It will be really quick. They just take blood and then we can go eat."

"They just... what?" 

"You said you're not sure. You take test, then you're sure. I take test too. Just for safety."

Javier shook his head as he stood up as well. "What are you talking aba..." And then it suddenly hit him. Javier took another breath, still trying to wrap his head around what he thought he'd just heard. He was pretty sure that he'd understood him right, but he still tried to make himself believe that Yuzuru couldn't possibly be serious about this.

"We just need one hour," Yuzuru pursed his lips and let one finger glide down Javier's chest, "and then we don't need stupid condoms anymore."

Javier leaned back so that Yuzuru's hand wouldn't touch him anymore. "Let me get this straight... you want us to skip lunch to get an STD test?"

"It's really quick."

"You're kidding me."

"I'm not kidding."

"Is this because you forgot how to use a condom?"

"No." Yuzuru hit him in the arm. "And I don't forget."

"You said you have interviews all morning, and the whole afternoon is filled with practice session. Aren't we busy enough already?"

"It will be quick. We have enough time."

"What's the rush? So we have to use condoms for a while. They worked just fine last night."

Yuzuru unswervingly stared at his fingers as they gently stroked over the spot on Javier's arm that he'd just hit, grazing over his biceps before they went down to take his hand. "I want to do this," he said, his words calm but determined.

Javier wasn't quite sure what to read in his eyes when Yuzuru looked at him again. All the cheeky flirtatiousness had quietly disappeared, but the squeeze of his hand became increasingly stronger. Javier remembered this strange mix of seriousness and unease that he saw just now in Yuzuru's face. But he also remembered how to read his body language, and right now every fiber of Yuzuru silently screamed that he wasn't ready yet to tell what was going on with him. "Okay," Javier finally nodded with a resigning shrug.

Yuzuru slightly lowered his head, exhaling with a quiet hissing sound before he finally allowed his lungs to inflate again. "Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. I shouldn't have waited so long anyway, and..." Javier let go of Yuzuru's hand. He scratched his brow and needlessly wiped over his forehead, brushing aside a strand of hair that didn't exist. "You have sex with me. You have a right to know, so... okay." The corners of Javier's lips moved upwards, but even a blind person would've seen that this was purely a muscle reaction and not actually a genuine smile. "Now can we go eat?"

"Yes, sure," Yuzuru said right away. But when Javier actually wanted to move, he stepped in his way. "Are you mad at me?"

Javier sighed, a fleeting eye-roll flashing over his face before he leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. "All I am is hungry. Really. Can we go?"

Yuzuru nodded. He'd gotten what he'd asked for, yet he still didn't seem pleased with the outcome, not in the least. It looked more like he couldn't decide if he was relieved or concerned. Like he would've preferred to hear a yes or no answer instead of getting little more than a half-hearted gesture in reply. And yet, it also didn't look like he was about to push his luck right now, and so he walked across the room to unlock the door, ready to get out of here and let Javier have the lunch that he so urgently longed for. But before he could even reach for the handle, he felt Javier's hand on his shoulder. He got turned around again and two fingers were put underneath his chin. Neither one dared to close his eyes as they kissed, as they kept kissing again and again, a second and third time, their lips touching ever so slowly, savoring every meticulous touch. Javier's hand went from his chin to his neck, his other arm wrapped around his waist while Yuzuru's hands moved up Javier's arms in turn, grasping the sleeves of his shirt. The touches became longer, the room for breathing became less as their bodies moved closer, soon pressed against each other. And finally it all grew too heavy, their eyelids dropped and their mouths opened for a kiss that didn't need to even ask for any more answers. Their gasps mingled once they broke the kiss, their hands still clinging to the other and their foreheads leaned against each other.

"Cariño, I... really need something to eat now. I'm so hungry."

Yuzuru chuckled as he opened his eyes again. "You're always hungry."


	7. Revealing

They walked down the hallway side by side, finally being on their way to the lunch buffet, when suddenly Kanako jumped out in front of them. "Hey Javi," she almost yelled, a tense form of excitement seeping out of every pore of her body. "Toshi is in my office. You want to meet him?" she said and pointed into the room that she'd just hopped out of. 

Javier flatly blinked at her before he glanced at Yuzuru, who had decided to closely inspect the wall on the opposite side of the corridor. Any view seemed to be good for him right now, as long as it was directed away from both of them. But out of the corner of his eye Yuzuru still saw Kanako shift nervously from one foot to the other, and finally his nose won the battle over the rest of his body, letting out a snot that soon gave way to a goofy giggle. 

"Shut up," Kanako shushed him in Japanese and took Javier by the arm. "Yuzu can go to lunch alone, yes?"

"What? _No!_ "

"This will be quick. No problem, right?"

"Yes, big problem. I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

This was like the déjà-vu from hell.

"We go to lunch later, okay?" 

Javier was almost certain that there should be a bunch of question marks behind her words, but it didn't look like she was actually giving him a choice. He was still grumbling, giving Yuzuru one last pleading look as he already walked down the hallway alone, waving at him one last time with a bright laugh. Javier didn't resist anymore when Kanako dragged him into her office, where he saw a man stand right next to her desk. And as he quickly looked him over head to toe, he once again thought what a pity it was that this human body denied him the chance to give a cartoon-like reaction to any given situation. Because this moment definitely called for a jaw that could drop onto the floor and maybe even crash right through it to make it all the way down to the basement. In this reality, though, he managed to keep his composure. He briefly glanced at Kanako, already seeing a light shade of red on her cheeks before he looked back at her beloved. He was about the same height as Javier, maybe just a little bit smaller. Kanako had told him that Toshi was a couple of years older than her, but the guy in front of him looked like he was not a minute older than 20. His features were well defined but still smooth and soft, and his skin seemed to be made of nothing less than porcelain-white silk. At first glance he looked somewhat skinny, but Javier knew how to spot a well-trained body, even underneath the thick layers of an obviously custom-tailored suit. 

"It's very nice to meet you," Toshi said with a surprisingly deep voice and that typical Japanese accent that Javier was so accustomed to. Javier watched that grown man smile at him like a teenager, his kind, dark eyes lighting up his whole face before he bowed slightly and then extended his hand. Javier wasn't even surprised that those long, slender fingers offered such a firm grip when they shook hands.

"Nice to finally meet you," Javier replied, once he remembered that the widely opened gap in the middle of his face could also be used for speaking. "Kana told me so much about you, I feel like I already know you."

"I hope she didn't bore you too much with uninteresting stories about me." He fondly smiled at her. Kanako almost bashfully cast down her eyes before she shrugged one shoulder and smiled back at him with a giggle that could've replaced every single light bulb in the whole building. After everything Kanako had told him about Toshi, he really felt like there wasn't much more to learn about him. Except for his appearance, of course, but apart from that he was every bit the down-to-earth and humble man Kanako had made him out to be. Although Javier had a bit of trouble to yet see the party animal that Kanako swore existed somewhere deep inside of him.

They exchanged a few more words before Toshi excused himself, saying he wanted to oversee the final preparations before he would go to another client. He had barely left the room when Kanako already closed the door again and turned around to Javier. 

"Say it."

"I'm not saying anything."

"Just say it."

"I like him. He's really nice."

"I don't care if you tease me."

"Why would I tease you? Oh, because..." Javier's grin instantly caused Kanako to roll her eyes. "I'm just a little confused. For years you've been telling me that my boyfriend looks like a girl and now..."

"Toshi don't look like girl."

"No, but he certainly looks familiar."

"He does not."

"Kana, sweetheart," Javier laughed now without restraint, "the only thing missing would be... wait, you _told me_ that he used to skate, didn't you?" He laughed even harder when Kanako rolled her eyes again and threw back her head.

"He just tried when he was kid but..." She finished her sentence with yet more eye-rolling, then silently crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited for Javier to stop laughing.

It took him another moment until he'd finally gotten himself under control again. "I've been wondering the whole time what Toshi might look like, but the idea that your fiancé could be a Yuzu-copy..."

"He's not Yuzu-copy."

"When they stand next to each other, can you tell them apart?"

"You're not funny."

"So, every time I asked you if you ever slept with Yuzu and you..."

_"Eww!"_

"...made that noise," Javier half finished his sentence while already laughing again.

"That is why I don't send you picture, because you are _so_ mean."

"Like I would've been the first one to tell you that your boyfriend looks like your best friend's twin."

"He don't look like... you're idiot."

"But I'm not blind."

"You're _blind_ idiot."

"Hey, it's a compliment. You obviously have great taste in men. I just never knew that we're both into the same kind of..." Javier suddenly stopped, the last laugh crawling out of his throat as nothing more than a huff before he tilted his head and blinked at her. "You don't care if I tease you. We do this all the time."

"No, I don't care. I just say all that a minute ago. You don't listen?"

"Then why wouldn't you send me his picture?"

"Because I..." Kanako stared at the ceiling, her jaw moving around like she was about to dislocate it. "Because I don't want to," she said sulkily and rolled her eyes again when Javier started smiling. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You want to say more funny things? Go ahead." Javier didn't say anything as he walked over to her, cupped her face and gave her a soft peck on the lips. For a second Kanako was too stunned to even say anything, but then she took a deep breath, ready to throw another snarky comment his way. Yet in the end she just sighed when Javier finally let go of her. "All the time, you don't even talk about Yuzu," she said tiredly. "I can't show you picture of me and Toshi when you're so..." She didn't finish and just shrugged with one shoulder.

"When I'm so... pathetic? Pitiful? Deplo..."

"Sad," she interrupted him, briefly placing her hand on his chest. "You were so sad. I just don't want to make it worse."

His hands seemed much too big when he took her tiny face between them again and caressed her cheeks. "You're a good friend, Kana."

"You kiss me again now?" she asked, making that snarky yet playful undertone magically appear again. "If I tell Toshi that you kiss me, he'll kick your face."

"Kick my face?"

"Toshi is no skater, but he's very good at Jūjutsu. 

"Juuu-what?"

"Japanese fighting." Kanako drilled the tip of her finger into Javier's chest, instantly making him take a step back. "My English is not wrong. He really can kick your face."

"Okay, point taken." He laughingly brushed over the finger imprint on his chest. That actually hurt. "Wouldn't I get mercy for being only your gay friend? It's not like I actually hit on you."

"Maybe for safety I just don't tell him."

"Yeah, maybe that's better."

Kanako laughed when Javier started touching his face, squishing his cheeks into the weirdest shapes. "Idiot. I get my keys and then we go eat."

" _Finally!_ I'm starving."

"You think you're here just for eating all the time? You never change."

"I missed you too," Javier smirked and gave her a soft smack on the back of the head as she walked past him. "And I thought you're glad that I'm back."

"You're better than all the girls."

"What girls?"

"Yuzu and his stupid dates," she mumbled while rummaging around in the drawer of her desk. "I must always remember new names or he behaves like silly boy and..." When Kanako briefly glanced up, the look on Javier's face made her wish she could get a huge zipper for her giant mouth. "You don't know that?" she asked cautiously, and the way Javier shook his head made her consider to put an even bigger padlock over the zipper. "Sorry. I don't want to rub this in your nose."

"Face. In my face," he corrected her quietly, feeling like he'd just been hit right into the same.

"It's nothing, forget it," she said with a shaky laugh and waved her hand, staring into the drawer like she was about to crawl inside of it. "Here they are." She triumphantly held up a bunch of keys and then walked back over to Javier. "Let's go. I see the buffet before, it looks very good, you will like it a lot." Javier held her back by the arm when Kanako was about to open the door. "Really, it's not important," she said with a sigh. "I think he don't even like the girls very much."

"Why's that?"

"He always has a few dates and then he never sees her again. And..." Kanako pressed her lips together, intensely trying to avoid Javier's stare. "It's my fault that he even starts with going out all the time. When you break up he just... he comes to work every day and then goes back home. It's like he never wants to see anybody again, so... I force him that he goes on date with my friends."

"Friend-s? Plural?"

Kanako visibly hesitated, but Javier's raised eyebrows undoubtedly demanded an answer. "Not so many. Just four."

Javier was one breath away from asking what she would consider 'a lot' when this qualified as 'not so many'. But the question seemed pointless and irrelevant, considering how there was only one thing he really wanted an answer to right now: why was he hearing this from her? 

"It's not important," Kanako went on as she awkwardly patted his shoulder. "They were just dates, not really like girlfriends."

Javier looked at her hand as she let it run up and down his arm in an apparent attempt to soothe him. But suddenly he felt like he had no right to accept this kind of caring, and he certainly had no right to make her feel bad about this. "It's okay," he said, forcing the corners of his mouth upwards. "He was single. Why shouldn't he go on dates? I didn't expect him to stop living just because we broke up."

"He tried," she burst out with unexpected harshness, her fingers tightening around Javier's arm. "But I don't allow that." And in an instant, every last trace of apologetic shame had vanished from her eyes. 

"Good. I wouldn't have wanted that for him," Javier replied with a genuine smile before he nodded towards the door. "We should really go. They're probably waiting for us."


	8. Both Sides

The lunch break was almost over when Javier finally made it to the buffet at the recreation room. But he had to admit that it was well worth the wait, because, as promised, the food turned out to be absolutely fabulous. Although, admittedly, at this point he would have eaten one of the benches in the locker room and would have been satisfied. 

The first day of practice was always the most exhausting as it was the day when a lot of the new choreography got introduced. Right after lunch, the guys had to study their group number. Javier could see Yuzuru's handwriting all over it, but he knew better than to make any more comments about it. Time just flew by, and soon they could already call it a day. Javier and Yuzuru decided to store their equipment in Yuzuru's office, because they wanted to join the others in the shuttle busses that were waiting to take them back to the hotel. The restaurant where they'd hold the welcome dinner wasn't far away from the hotel, and so they waited in the lobby until the others would come back from their rooms. They sat down on one of the sofas by the window, keeping an appropriate distance between them. "I feel underdressed," Javier said and plucked at his shirt. "Maybe we should have gone back to your place first."

"It's not so special, just dinner. But we have party at night after the last show. We borrow Yukata for it so that everybody can wear one."

"Really? Cool, I love it when we get to play dress up."

"You must not borrow one. You can wear your own."

Javier's head shot to the side. "You have it?" he asked with a look like Yuzuru had just told him that he'd found a Yeti in the basement.

"Of course I have it." 

"I thought I'd lost it! I thought maybe I left it at your place but I wasn't sure." The happy smile on his face evolved do crazy circus clown proportions. He'd never thought that he could feel such relief over a problem that he hadn't even thought about in months. One year Yuzuru had given him a Yukata as a birthday present. Javier had never asked directly, but he knew that it must've cost a small fortune. The whole piece looked so elegant and classy, Javier wasn't sure if it would even be considered everyday wear. The deep black fabric was sturdy and yet so soft, it felt like a second skin. It had a simple, almost geometrical pattern of circles and bubble-like forms that were colored in gradient white and blue. Yuzuru had Javier's name embroidered on the inside of the collar, in Roman letters on the one side and in Japanese characters on the other. _"Each side looks different, but it's always the same Javi inside,"_ he'd said the first time he'd helped him to put it on. And then his fingers had glided over the seams before he diligently crossed one side of the Yukata over the other, letting the outside of the fabric hide the precious secret underneath. Javier had loved it from the first moment he'd laid eyes on it. But sometime last year he'd suddenly realized that he couldn't remember where he'd put it, and even after looking everywhere, he still couldn't find it. He figured that he must've left it behind in Japan when he'd last visited Yuzuru. Where else would he have had an opportunity to even wear it? But after their breakup he didn't feel like he could call him and ask about it, even though the idea of having misplaced it was driving him crazy.

"It's not lost. I took good care of it." Yuzuru leaned over and patted Javier's thigh. He couldn't help but stare at the beautiful smile that made Javier's eyes shine ever so brightly. Until a couple of weeks ago, Yuzuru hadn't even thought about the Yukata. But then Kanako told him that she wanted to rent some, so that all the skaters could wear one at the closing party. And when he got home that night, the first thing he did was to take the neatly folded bundle out of the back of his closet. He didn't even unfold it. He just wanted to make sure that it was still there, safe and sound. Sometimes he'd thought about sending it back to Javier, because, after all, it was Javier's and not his to keep. But in the end he never got further than thinking about it. 

Javier glanced at the hand that was still on his leg, the slender fingers that were lightly squeezing and stroking it. But in the blink of an eye it was already gone again. He felt Yuzuru shift around, trying to bring some distance between them without being too obvious about it. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry," Yuzuru mumbled and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. "This morning I talk about rules, and now I touch you all the time."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"I really shouldn't do that."

"It's not like you jumped me in the middle of the hotel. We're not doing anything we haven't done in public before."

"I know." He really did know. And when he had taken Javier's hand at the rink this morning and then told someone for the first time – boyfriend, he's my boyfriend – it had felt like the most natural and easy thing to do. But still, whenever they touched now, he suddenly became so aware of it. And although they didn't have to lie about it anymore and people were allowed to see it for what it really was – sometimes, just for a moment, it still felt like they shouldn't. 

Javier cleared his throat and turned to his side, facing Yuzuru but at the same time moving a bit further away from him. "So, are those general rules or just specific Japan rules?" he asked, earning the surprised look he had expected. "What if this were a hotel in Spain? Could I hold your hand in the lobby there?"

Yuzuru shrugged with one shoulder, a pensive look taking over his features. "I guess. I think it's okay there. Right?"

"Spain is very different from Japan. It's not like all Spaniards tongue kiss in the middle of the street. But just holding your hand when we're sitting around like this? Yeah, I think we could do that." Javier's soft smile partly morphed into a smirk. "You've been there more than one time, cariño. You already know that." Yuzuru bit the inside of his lip, and Javier could tell that he felt uneasy about this. Almost like he'd just been caught in something. Like he should've thought about this himself.

"Well... I guess. In Japan it's just really not so good. Maybe somewhere else we can but..."

"But even somewhere else you're still Japanese," Javier ended the sentence like Yuzuru would never have dared to. 

Yuzuru shifted around in his seat. His gaze kept wandering through the almost empty lobby, the hotel staff at the far-away front desk being pretty much their only audience. "You _want to_ hold my hand right now?" he asked almost in a whisper, even though they hadn't been talking very loudly anyway so far.

"If I could, I would probably do it," Javier answered truthfully, and he himself was somewhat surprised by this confession. 

"You feel bad that I say we shouldn't do this in public?"

"I know how things work. It's okay, we'll figure this out."

Yuzuru entangled the fingers of his own hands, clenching them so tightly in his lap, he was just short of breaking a knuckle. "Sorry that it's so complicated."

"There's no need for you to be sorry. It just is what it is. All this is new, and I'm also not sure how we're supposed to do this." His hand was already on its way over to caress Yuzuru's cheek, but at the last moment Javier just stretched his arm and scratched the back of his own head. "At least you know what you _don't_ want. That's something."

Yuzuru smiled and scooched over a little bit, reducing the physical distance they had brought between themselves just a minute ago. "I also know what I want."

 

The others came back down from their rooms one by one, and soon they all made their way to the restaurant. Kanako was already waiting for them, since she had taken it upon herself to go there early and check if everything was ready. If she had an event thoroughly planned, she didn't like to leave anything to chance. She led the group to the reserved tables in the backroom where everybody took their seats. Yuzuru was just about to sit down next to Javier when Kanako took him by the wrist. "Are you sure you don't want to sit with me?" she whispered. "You two aren't exactly a prime example of self-restraint right now."

"You worry too much about me," Yuzuru smiled and surprised her with a peck on the cheek. 

A suggestive whistle came from one of the adjacent tables. "Watch it, your boyfriend might get jealous."  
"Yes, you better be careful. You don't want to provoke that passionate Spanish blood."  
"Wait, so that's actually true what I heard? You and Javi really are boyfriends?"  
Yuzuru glanced at Hiro, who quite literally tried to slip under the table. Which was a whole lot harder than it sounded because the table was only about 30cm high.  
"He didn't make that up? You two are really dating?"

All the while Javier had placidly taken a seat. He looked up when he noticed that Yuzuru was staring at him questioningly. "Don't look at me. I still don't speak much Japanese, I have no idea what's going on."

"She asked if we're dating. Are we _dating_?"

Javier snorted. "I think we passed _dating_ about four years ago," he murmured over his shoulder, not even bothering to fully turn around since he knew what was about to happen.

"Did he just say _four years?_ "

"This is no big deal," Yuzuru tried to quiet the arising choir of Japanese voices. These people were his friends, but when the hell had they all gotten so nosy? "We wanted our relationship to be private, but that would have been impossible if we had made it public. That's why we kept it secret and only told our families and very, very few people who were extremely close to us."

"And sometimes you were very, very bad at keeping secrets," Kanako whispered quietly as she kneeled down on the seat cushion next to Javier. "Sometimes people know that you're boyfriends without telling one word. Like magic."

Javier didn't need a translation of Yuzuru's speech in order to understand what she was alluding to. "You better not mention that to him," he whispered back, already getting infected by Kanako's giggles. "He still can't laugh about it."

"It's a funny story."

"Well, _now_ it is." 

Yuzuru sat down on Javier's other side, just in time before a horde of staff members came through the door, unhurriedly placing countless little bowls with different food items on the tables. 

"What did you tell them?" Javier asked once Yuzuru had gotten comfortable.

"I said we're happy together and they must not care about the rest."

"And you really think that will work?" Javier laughed when Yuzuru let a goofy growling noise slip through his smirk. "I thought so," he added, his laugh slowly fading. "By the way, just so you know," Javier leaned in closely, his lips almost touching Yuzuru's ear, "from now on, Kana is the only girl you're allowed to kiss anymore."

Yuzuru slightly turned his head. "My mother and my sister will not be happy," he grinned and snickered as this earned him a slap on the back of the head.


	9. Hindsight

It was in March of 2015, on the evening before the first official practice for the World Championship. Yuzuru's flight had been delayed due to bad weather conditions, and therefore he'd been the last one to arrive at the hotel that evening. He'd missed all the appointments for official greetings and interviews, but of course there were still more than enough reporters present, willing to wait for him even at that time of day. It was already close to midnight when he finally made it up to his room, but it didn't keep him there for very long. He only needed to take a quick shower and change into some fresh clothes before he was already on his way again. He avoided the elevator and took the stairs to sneak one floor down, fearing that even at this time of day he might still run into someone who knew him and who might ask where he was going.

For the third time he now turned away from that door and walked up the corridor again, but only a few steps later he already turned on his heel and rushed back. He'd texted Javier a while ago to let him know that he had arrived at the hotel, but he hadn't gotten an answer. He'd even texted Alex, knowing that those two shared a room once again and that maybe he could relay a message to Javier. But neither one of them had replied anything. They probably didn't answer because they were already in bed. He should do the same, really, he should go back to his own room and catch some much needed sleep. And it was just inconsiderate and rude to disturb them this late at night. He could think of many excellent reasons why it would be better to wait until tomorrow, to turn around one last time and just walk away. And yet, at last, not one of those reasons was good enough to keep his hand from knocking on the door after all...

 

Javier blinked only for a second before he squeezed his eyes shut again. The darkness behind his eyelids slowly got brighter, the blackness mixed with cloudy shades of gold and red, but the colors only faintly flickered into existence. Javier knew that it must be because of the sun that had already come up and was probably shining right into his face. He could feel the warmth on his skin. His right arm was slightly numb, and his fingers were entangled with something. He smelled the shampoo he was so used to, although he'd never used it himself. But he recognized that scent right away, long before he became fully aware of the slender, half-naked body that was perfectly aligned with his own. He remembered that he'd briefly woken up in the middle of last night. At first he'd been confused about how the bed had seemingly gotten smaller, but then he found Yuzuru sleeping next to him. He didn't even begin to question why he was there, and as soon as he'd snuggled up further to him from behind, he'd already fallen asleep again.

Javier opened his eyes when Yuzuru suddenly fidgeted and sighed noisily. He gently kissed his neck and stroked his chest underneath the cover, causing Yuzuru to settle back down. Javier carefully stretched and tried to lie in a way that he wouldn't have his face stuffed with hair all the time. "Morning," he heard Yuzuru mumble. "Hey, morning," he whispered back. "Did I wake you?"

"Yes."

"Sorry."

"Not sorry," Yuzuru said quietly, nestling further into the embrace. He took Javier's hand from his chest and gently pulled it up. "I missed you," he breathed against his fingers before he pressed his lips onto them.

Javier tightened his hold and put another kiss on his neck, just above the collar of his shirt. He could've gone right back to sleep if he didn't feel like it would be a colossal waste of time. He wouldn't spend another second being practically unconscious next to him, not when cuddling was still the most perfect way to start a day. And they'd both been deprived of this for far too long already. "You know I always love to find you in my bed in the morning," he said after a while. "But I could swear that I fell asleep alone last night."

Yuzuru turned around, wrapping one arm and one leg around Javier, like he was trying to make sure that he couldn't just hop out of bed and disappear. "When I come here, you already sleep. But Alex let me stay."

"He did?"

"Yes, he said..." Yuzuru gurgled and leaned his forehead against Javier's chest. "He said weird words. I don't remember," he giggled and looked up at him again.

"You switched rooms with him again?"

"No, it was too late. He said I can just sleep here."

"Really? He was cool with us sleeping in the same bed right next to him?" Javier asked, his voice a tad higher than usual. But Yuzuru's crooked smirk wasn't much of an answer. 

 

Alex had opened the door for him the night before. He'd looked like he was just about to go to bed, or maybe he'd even already been in bed. When Yuzuru learned that Javier was asleep, he didn't want to bother him any more than he already had. But after taking one look at his pitiful, lopsided smile, Alex had invited him in anyway. Yuzuru so desperately wanted to say yes that he hadn't put up much of a fight. He had ended up squatting down next to Javier's bed, the back of his hand affectionately grazing over his cheek and a soft smile lighting up his tired eyes.

"You haven't seen him since Barcelona, huh?" Alex had asked very quietly, knowing the answer already after having talked to Javier that afternoon. "Four months is a long time."

Yuzuru just nodded silently before he forced himself to stand up. "I go back to my room," he said almost in a whisper and bowed slightly. "Thank you. Sorry I disturb you." But he didn't even get to set one foot in front of the other.

"You can stay," Alex said out of the blue, already sighing and rolling his eyes like he himself couldn't believe he'd actually just said that. "Don't argue with me," he cut Yuzuru off the moment he opened his mouth. "Just promise me that you won't do anything kinky while I'm in the room."

 

"Seriously now," Javier asked once again, "what did you say to Alex that he let you stay?" He was well aware that Alex didn't have any kind of problem with their relationship. He'd always been nothing but supportive. But despite his unconditional willingness to accommodate their secret, he definitely drew the line when it came to personally observing their intimacies. They couldn't blame him, because they knew that they had sometimes unwittingly crossed that line and gone a bit too far in his presence. All the more it surprised Javier that Alex wouldn't err on the side of caution, but that he had simply allowed Yuzuru to stay, knowing full well what might happen.

"I don't say anything. I told him many times I go back to my room, but Alex said..." Yuzuru's cheeks turned reddish, his fingers playing almost nervously with the fabric of Javier's shirt. "He said he feels sorry for you because I'm your boyfriend."

"He what?"

"He said sometimes I have face like sad little puppy dog, and then nobody can say _no_ to me and everybody just wants to be very nice." The shade of red on Yuzuru's face turned even brighter when Javier started laughing. "I'm not puppy dog," he mumbled sulkily.

"Of course not," Javier laughed while he shoved the blanket aside, rolled Yuzuru on his back and leaned over him. "But I won't complain that your pretty face got you here." He threaded his fingers in Yuzuru's hair, gently kissing his lips and cheeks over and over again. "Alex must be gone," he whispered in his ear as he buried his face in Yuzuru's neck, "said something about morning practice." He climbed over him, settled down between his legs and let his hands glide under his shirt, gradually pushing it up until four hands dragged it over Yuzuru's head. Yuzuru sighed contently as Javier's kisses moved over his chest and down to his stomach. Javier stopped for a second when he got to one of the tiny surgery scars that he hadn't seen in person yet. "It doesn't still hurt, does it?" 

"No," Yuzuru groaned, "I told you 100 times: I'm okay." He rolled his eyes and playfully pinched his cheek. "Why? It looks so bad?" he asked a lot quieter, his voice not as snippy and confident as it was just a moment ago. 

"I can barely see anything." Javier didn't break eye contact, a tender smile still on his lips as he put them over the tiny patch of slightly darkened skin. "Don't worry, you still have the most beautiful body I ever kissed." Yuzuru was far from protesting when Javier's lips touched him again, when his tongue placidly ran right across his belly, tracing a fine line just above the waistband of his briefs. Javier pushed Yuzuru's legs further apart while his lips went down his inner thigh, causing Yuzuru to make those quiet whimpering noises that he hadn't heard for the longest time. Javier didn't feel like dragging this out. And apparently neither did Yuzuru who all too willingly lifted his hips when Javier pulled on his briefs, quickly taking them off of him and throwing them onto the floor. Javier hastily took off his own shirt before he bent down and let his tongue run down Yuzuru's thigh again, knowing all too well how quickly this would turn him on. He wrapped one hand around his cock, leisurely stroking him while his face was buried in Yuzuru's groin, sucking on the tender skin and making the body underneath him wreathe with excitement. Javier felt Yuzuru's fingers on the top of his head, heard him sigh and groan, heard him quietly moan his name – and then he heard a clicking noise and the sound of a door being opened. For a split second they looked at each other before they panicked. The voices from around the corner still rang in their ears as they somehow tried to disentangle their limbs, both grabbing the blanket next to them and pulling it in any direction, attempting to cover up what could no longer be covered in time.


	10. Certain Uncertainties

"Oh my God," Ashley's voice shrilled through the room, cutting the tense air like a machete. She turned around as soon as she had laid eyes on them, but that was little more than a spontaneous reflex. In the end, all she did was spin around her own axis until she landed at precisely the same point from where she had started: staring at lots of naked skin as the two bodies scrambled in bed, trying to cover themselves. "Oh my God, is that Yuz... hey!" 

And with that Maia had taken her by the arm and shoved her into the bathroom. Now Maia stood there, one hand around the handle to keep the door shut, the other one covering her eyes. "I am going to kill you both," she mumbled breathlessly. "'What are you doing here?"

"Me? This is _my_ room!" Javier groused back and jumped up from the bed, fairly horrified by the experience. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Alex asked me to pick up... this is so not important right now. Why are you here? Alex said you have practice this morning."

"Have you ever seen me at an early morning practice? Like, _ever?_ In my _whole life?_ "

"So this is now _my fault?_ " 

"Please," Yuzuru's voice came muffled from underneath the blanket. "Please stop fighting," he said again as he slowly reappeared. He still had the cover clutched tightly in his hands and pulled up to his chin, letting only parts of his flushed face stick out at the top. He looked like the proverbial cherry on top of a sundae. Since Yuzuru had managed to hog the whole blanket all by himself, Javier grabbed a pillow and held it in front of his chest, even though it felt pretty stupid to do that. At least he still had his boxers on and wasn't buck-naked like Yuzuru.

Maia carefully tried to sneak a peek through her fingers before she lowered her hand. "Not my fault," she grumbled again.

"Hey guys." A loud knock came from inside the bathroom. "How long do you think you'll keep me in here, huh?"

"She's right," Maia whispered and pointed at the door, her other hand tightening around the handle. "I have to let her out."

"There's a phone next to the toilet," Ashley hollered again. "Is it cool if I call room service?"

"I'm gonna let her out now."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, wait, let me..." 

But Javier's protest was in vain. The bathroom door opened and Ashley's face slowly appeared from around the corner. She saw a giant pile of bedcover, under which Yuzuru had disappeared again as soon as Maia had let go of the door handle. Javier still stood beside the bed, awkwardly clenching the pillow in his hands. "Hey Ashley," he said with a strained smile and gave her a nod.

"Hey Javi," she replied long-drawn-out, the grin on her face getting broader and broader with every second. "I'm guessing those are not yours?" she smirked and pointed at the tiny black briefs on the floor. "Yuzu, honey, you want to come out? You're gonna suffocate under there." Her gaze suddenly shot over to Maia. "Why don't you look the least bit surprised about this, huh? And why did you push me in the bathroom?" 

"Because my brain turned into cookie crumbles when I saw _that_."

"This has happened before, hasn't it? You knew about this? Oh my God, are they like, are you like _a thing_ or something?"

"No, not a thing, we're nothing!" Yuzuru squeaked underneath the blanket before he pulled it aside. "You can't tell anybody!"

What followed was a brief but very awkward moment of silence. The other three just stared at him as he sat there, the blanket now only covering him from the waist down. It was hard to tell who was most surprised by Yuzuru's trembling voice and the distraught look in his eyes. Usually Javier's first instinct would've been to reach over, maybe stroke his hair or do anything else to soothe him somehow. But Yuzuru's reaction had caught him off guard, and he wasn't quite sure why. After all, they had just been caught in bed together, being pretty much naked and going at it like horny teenagers. That sure qualified as a legitimate reason to freak out a bit. "Is there a chance," Javier said, turning towards Ashley, "that you could just leave and pretend this had never happened?"

"Wouldn't that be nice," Maia sighed, walked across the room and grabbed Alex's video camera from the table. "I would _love_ to not have seen this."

"Please, Ashley," Yuzuru started up again, his voice no less shaky than before, "you can't say anything about this." He wanted to stand up, but with the way he tried to keep the blanket wrapped around his body, he almost fell as soon as the first leg was about to leave the mattress.

"Are you upset because I saw you naked?" Ashley smirked. "That's no biggie, honey. I've seen naked men before." Yuzuru's face seemed to approach a new world record level of redness while he still struggled with the blanket. "Good grief, stop it before you break your neck." She grabbed his briefs from the floor, tossed them onto the bed and turned her back on them. "I'd say _'Don't get your panties in a bunch'_ , but since you're not wearing any..."

Yuzuru glanced at Maia who had already slapped both hands over her eyes again, and then he quickly slipped on his briefs underneath the blanket. "Please, Ashley," he pleaded with the back of her head before he finally scrambled out of bed, "you can't tell anybody about us."

Ashley rolled her eyes and took a deep breath, successfully keeping that sigh at bay that was building up deep down in her chest. "Relax. I won't say anything." When she turned around, Yuzuru was already rushing towards her like he was racing an express train. He stopped abruptly and took a step back, his arms weirdly crossed in front of his chest when he realized that he was still pretty much naked. "Honestly, I won't tell," she said again with a calm voice and a reassuring smile. Or at least she hoped that she was being calm and reassuring, because Yuzuru still stared at her like she was a truck with blinking headlights that was about to smash into a wide-eyed deer. "I promise. Really, I won't." 

Finally Yuzuru pressed his lips together, swallowed compulsively and nodded before he sat back down on the bed, poorly covering himself with the blanket again. The room had once more fallen in a strange kind of silence, the kind that normally had to be forced to an end, where everyone present tried their best to stare holes into the floor and where nobody wanted to be the first one to speak. Ashley however didn't seem to care much about the conventions of collective discomfort. "So, you two are really, like, a couple?" she suddenly started snickering. "I could say that this is unbelievable, but I guess we should've seen this coming, huh? You two and your special bro-connection and all." When she looked into Javier's face, she visibly struggled not to explode with laughter. "Yeah, you, okay... _you_... maybe that is kind of a surprise. Not really, though. And with Yuzu it was pretty obvious that he swings both ways."

Javier made some sort of noise that couldn't be considered _'talking'_ by any stretch. "How the hell did you know that he..."

"Well, if he wanted to keep it a secret," she cut him off with a smirk, "he shouldn't have hit on Adam so many times."

Javier glanced at the cowering figure on the bed. Yuzuru looked like he was about to not just crawl under the blanket but under the whole mattress. "I flirt," he mumbled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders.

"He does," Ashley winked at Javier. "He hit on me, too."

"I did not."

"Yeah, you did, sweety."

"No, never!"

"Come on," Ashley said with a wave towards Maia, "you were there. Back me up here."

Maia looked absolutely thrilled when suddenly all eyes were on her. "Well, you kind of did," she answered quietly while her freckles got completely overtaken by the rosy color of her cheeks. "But you were so clumsy about it, nobody really took it seriously." 

Javier didn't even know what he should say to this, so he did the next best thing and just kept his mouth shut. That was a discussion they didn't need to have on top of everything else right now. Javier looked down at his hands when he suddenly realized that he was still holding the small pillow. He rolled his eyes and just dropped it onto the bed.

"Okay. Glad we had this conversation. Or rather, _not_." Maia quickly gathered the video equipment she was supposed to pick up for Alex. "I'd love to stay and continue this awkward moment for all eternity, but I really have to leave now. And you," she pointed at Ashley as she walked towards her, "you're coming with me."

"What? No. Why? This just started to be fun. They haven't even told me yet how..."

"Yeah, not gonna happen." Since she had both hands full, Maia used her shoulder to shove her towards the door. "Say goodbye, Ashley."

"Goodbye, Ashley" she laughed and waved towards Javier and Yuzuru before she disappeared from their sight.

 

The door snapped shut, a quiet clicking noise announcing that the boundary of their supposed safety zone had been restored. Javier glanced down at Yuzuru, who still cowered at the edge of the bed, staring at the floor and trying to not let it show how he attempted to catch a glimpse of Javier without getting caught. "We can never have sex again," Yuzuru finally mumbled.

"I'm glad you're not overreacting."

"Not in hotels. Not like this."

"It was an accident. This won't happen again." Yuzuru was still shaking his head when Javier sat down next to him. "Did you freak out like that when your friend's mother walked in on you?"

"That was different."

"Really? How?"

"We talked about this. You agreed with me." Yuzuru's fingers awkwardly clenched the blanket in his lap. "It's too soon and too complicated. Nobody can know."

"She's not going to tell anybody. I trust her on that." Javier cupped his cheek with one hand and made him look up. "Seriously, we just got caught having sex. That's probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. You don't seem to care about that part at all."

"That's not good too," he replied with a shrug, "but it's not really important. I'm just scared that she knows about us. Maybe she tells somebody."

"She's not gonna say anything." Javier let his thumb glide over Yuzuru's cheek one more time before he pulled his hand back. "You know, I wouldn't want it to happen this way but... at some point we may not have a choice. One day we'll have to tell the truth. We can't keep our relationship a secret forever and we... why are you smiling like that?"

"Nothing."

"I know that look. That's not nothing."

Yuzuru tilted his head, his fingers plucking at the blanket again. "You always say we can't keep secret forever." He pressed his lips together, but that smile had already conquered his whole face, removing the bland look from his eyes and bringing back the sparkle that could put the most stainless diamond to utter shame. " _Forever_ is really long time," he almost whispered. "You stay with me so long?"

At first Javier just blinked at him, his eyebrows raised high. He couldn't help but laugh a little when Yuzuru leaned over and kissed him. "I honestly have no idea how your mind works."

"I'm complicated."

"You're crazy."

"Only about you." Yuzuru kissed him again through their chuckles, his arms by now wrapped around Javier's neck. He leaned his forehead against Javier's, his eyes closed and their breaths still as one. "I must share so much of me with everyone, all the time. But I can keep my secrets. Nobody can take my secrets away from me." Yuzuru hugged him tighter, making them both just naturally sink down onto the bed to lie next to each other. "I really freak out very bad before?" Yuzuru asked as he slung one arm around Javier's waist and snuggled his face into his bare chest. 

"No, it wasn't... yeah, you pretty much lost it there for a minute." 

Javier didn't expect an explanation, not that he needed one anyway. He knew that Yuzuru was still afraid that going public might put too much strain on their relationship, and that he was even more afraid of how much all this scared him in the first place. About the idea that someone or something might drive them apart and ruin their perfect secret. Javier could empathize. The more often he got confronted with this dilemma, the more he realized that he was in the exact same spot. There wasn't very much in his past that he truly regretted. He'd had relationships before, and he liked to believe that he'd been in love, at least sometimes. He remembered being sad when something ended, and being happy when he found someone new. For the most part, those were good memories.  
But then, then there was Yuzu, and suddenly all those memories seemed to pale. Suddenly he himself became this whole other person, someone who worked harder and felt deeper. He wanted to hang on to this new self that he had become – because of him and for him. It terrified him to imagine what would happen if this were ever to break. Of all the things he remembered about his life, he didn't remember ever being so scared of losing someone. They needed to keep this safe, and the only way they knew how to do this right now, was to keep it hidden from the world.

Yuzuru remained silent as Javier put one arm around his shoulders, pressing their half-naked bodies closer together. "Do you want me to talk to Ashley again?" he asked and let his fingers run through Yuzuru's hair.

"Can you?" 

"Sure. I'll go find her after practice in the afternoon."

Yuzuru nodded. "We must be more careful. I think I must go back to my room."

"No way." Javier rolled him on his back, wrapped one arm around Yuzuru's chest and nestled his face in the crook of his neck. "I'm not ready to let you go."


	11. Body...

After the welcome dinner had ended, they didn't stay too long at the restaurant. Some of the other skaters still got together at the hotel, but Javier and Yuzuru said their goodbyes fairly quickly, arguing that they needed some rest and a full night's sleep. Javier only had to attend the afternoon practice the next day, but Yuzuru had a bunch of interviews early in the morning, so there was at least some truth to their excuse. Right now there was no time pressure and no skating equipment they needed to drag around, so they decided to take the subway back to the apartment. They could've transferred to a bus that would've stopped practically right around the corner of where Yuzuru lived, but instead Javier asked how long it would take if they walked the rest of the way.

"15 minutes sounds fine. Can we walk or are you too tired?"

"I look like old man?" Yuzuru laughed, grabbed Javier by the side of his shirt and dragged him past the bus stop.

"I don't want to exhaust you."

"Really? How disappointing." Yuzuru let go of him, but at the same time he shot him a glance that was way more revealing than any physical contact could possibly have been.

The route from the last subway station to his apartment wasn't the most exciting one, but here and there Yuzuru pointed out a little shop or an eatery where he would spend some time every once in a while. Of all the shops they passed on their way, Javier seemed especially taken by a display window that showed all kinds of chopsticks. Yuzuru had to keep himself from laughing because he found it hilarious how excited Javier got about all the different colors, materials and embellishments. The way his nose was practically glued to the window, he looked like a little boy who saw snowflakes for the very first time in his life. He had his eye on a pair of dark blue chopsticks that were engraved with white cat paw prints. He said they would be a present for Laura. 

"For your sister, huh?"

"Yes. For my sister."

"Sure. For Laura."

"Why do you say it like that?"

"It's cute. I understand that you like it."

A smile flashed over Javier's lips when Yuzuru tenderly stroked his back, laying his arm around him for just a little while before he took a step to the side. "The store's closed anyway. We should go home."

"We come back this week and buy it." Yuzuru slowly walked backwards, still facing Javier. "We come back and buy very cute cat hashi for _Laura_." He chuckled and turned around, making a run for it before Javier could catch him.

 

It was a lot more than just 15 minutes later when they finally got home and could close the door behind themselves. "That was a nice idea, by the way. The dinner," Javier said as he took off his sneakers and put them in the small cabinet right next to the door. 

Yuzuru hung up his jacket before he too put his shoes away. He watched Javier take off his jacket, how he slowly pulled it over his shoulders, stretching and turning almost a little too deliberately. Yuzuru inadvertently swallowed when the jacket slid down Javier's arms, exposing the tiny sleeves that covered his biceps like a postage stamp would cover a zamboni. "Thank you," he finally said, clearing his throat before he took the jacket from Javier's hands, "but the dinner was Kana's idea."

"Meaning I should compliment her and not you?" Javier crossed his arms behind his back and leaned against the wall. When Yuzuru hung up the jacket, his shirt rode up a bit, revealing a small patch of naked skin that immediately caught Javier's eye.

Yuzuru leaned on the wall on the opposite side of the corridor. He briefly cast down his eyes as he delicately brushed the bangs out of his face. "You can't say compliment to her?"

"Sure I can." Javier's voice had gotten quieter, smoother, maybe a little more suggestive than it needed to be. His smile softened as his eyes wandered up and down Yuzuru's body. He couldn't help but notice the way he tilted his hips.

"You should tell her." Yuzuru curved his back even further, well aware of the gaze that caught even the smallest change in his posture.

Javier was already shifting his weight, stepping from one foot to the other and pushing himself a bit further away from the wall. "I will. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worried."

"Good."

"Yeah. Good." Yuzuru smiled, tilting his head. Not a second later they had both taken a step forward, had smashed their lips together, pressed their bodies against each other, their hands grasping at everything they could reach. "I wanted you all day," Yuzuru whispered as he briefly freed his mouth to draw a quick breath, only to immediately catch Javier's lips in another ardent kiss.

Javier chuckled when Yuzuru's kisses wandered over his jaw down to his neck. "You had me this morning." 

"Not enough," Yuzuru gasped into his ear before he grabbed his own shirt and dragged it over his head. Javier shoved him back and pressed him against the wall. He clutched his face, looked at him longingly for only the length of a breath and then kissed him again, leaving no doubt that he'd been waiting for this just as much. Yuzuru hastily opened his own jeans and shoved them down along with the briefs. He took Javier's hands, pulled them from his face and put them onto his chest, guiding one of them down to his cock. Javier started stroking him while keeping him pressed against the wall, leaving barely enough space between their bodies, his hand rubbing against both their bellies with every move. He leaned down to kiss Yuzuru's chest, to suck on one of his nipples, causing him to moan and harshly tug at Javier's hair. Javier could feel him get rapidly harder underneath his touch, so he eased up a bit as he looked at him again, his breathing heavy from excitement. "Bedroom?"

"No," Yuzuru burst out with a quivering voice, now being the one to grab Javier's face with both hands. "Just... quick. Like this."

Javier's hand came almost to a halt. "You sure?"

If there was one thing Yuzuru was sure of, then that he didn't want to go to the bedroom right now, because he knew what would happen. Javier would make him stop once again, he would let go of him and then get the condoms from the drawer. And Yuzuru wouldn't even be able to protest because for the time being, they simply needed them for certain things. "Yes, I'm sure. Just quick." He pressed his forehead against Javier's as he nodded, fully aware that he would be misunderstood. Because the last thing Yuzuru wanted was for this to be over all too quickly. "Now please," he repeated in a whisper when he felt Javier's hesitation, already heard him take a breath to ask for one more reassurance.

But Javier didn't question him anymore and instead did what was so pleadingly asked of him. He let Yuzuru grab him at will: his face, his neck, his hair, whatever he wanted to touch, he was free to do as he pleased while Javier kept kissing and stroking him, holding the tiny, shivering body as tightly as he could without losing his rhythm. Yuzuru's panting got heavier in his ear and they could both feel that he was getting close. Javier pressed him harder against the wall, grabbed him by the neck and made him look up, their lips only grazing each other as Yuzuru whimpered through every breath. His body got jolted by a sudden shiver as he came with a quiet moan, spilling not only over Javier's hand but on both their bodies. Javier slowly loosened his hold and gave him a few more gentle strokes to make him wind down while Yuzuru sighingly laid his head down onto Javier's shoulder, his chest still heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

"Quick enough?"

Yuzuru lifted his head with a curious chuckle. "Yes, thank you," he answered with a weary but satisfied smile.

Javier cupped Yuzuru's face and breathed soft kisses onto his lips, giving his body a chance to hang on to this state of levity for a little bit longer. After a while he took a step back, making Yuzuru whine a bit before he agreed to let go. "I think most of you is stuck on my clothes." Javier wiped his hand on his chest before he carefully took off his shirt. He turned it inside out after he had used it to wipe the rest of the sticky remnants from Yuzuru's stomach. Yuzuru shook off his jeans but pulled his briefs back up before he took the soiled shirt from Javier's hand and added it to the pile of clothes on the floor. Yuzuru wordlessly smiled at him over his shoulder as he took him by the hand and led him down the corridor.

They hadn't even made it halfway across the bedroom when Yuzuru already grabbed Javier by the waistband of his jeans and pulled him closer. "What do you want?" he asked with that well-known tinge of bedroom-banter in his voice, never breaking eye contact as his hand wandered down to rub over the hardened bulge in Javier's pants.

Javier tried to smirk and retort something clever, but instead he just let out a little moan and contorted his face as he pushed his hips into Yuzuru's hand. "You sound like you have something in mind."

"I have idea." A mysterious twinkle flashed over Yuzuru's face while he slowly unbuttoned and unzipped Javier's pants and then pulled them down. He let one hand slide over his back, right into his boxers. "You still like?" he whispered onto Javier's lips and pressed one finger hard against the cleft of his butt.

Javier bit his lower lip at the very first touch. "Yeah, I still like." He'd barely said the words when Yuzuru's hand already disappeared, much to Javier's disappointment, but in the blink of an eye Yuzuru had freed him from his jeans. He dragged Javier onto the bed, positioning himself between his thighs and grinding against him almost instantly while he wrapped one arm around his neck, insisting on another kiss. Javier could barely move underneath him. Yuzuru had always been able to keep him down with such firmness, Javier simply didn't dare to resist, nor did he want to. Yuzuru broke the kiss after a while, only to move his lips to Javier's neck and suck on that little spot that still worked like a charm and made him twitch and groan shamelessly. Yuzuru's hand was placed firmly between Javier's thighs, caressing him through the fabric while his mouth found its way to a hardened nipple that all but begged to be sucked on. He felt Javier's fingers thread in his hair, his chest eagerly pressing into the touches of his lips and tongue. But not before long he gently broke free of the hold, slowly moving further down, tracing the outlines of Javier's abs with his lips as he trailed towards those superfluous boxers. He let his hand rub over them some more, his fingertips voluptuously playing around the wet spot that wasn't all that tiny anymore. He put his lips onto the still concealed erection, tasting the outline of Javier's desire even through these constraints, when suddenly a hand cupped his cheek and lifted his head. "Yuzu, the condo..." He didn't get to finish the sentence. Yuzuru pulled his face away from Javier's crotch a lot quicker than he'd placed it there. 

"Move," Yuzuru ordered calm but determined and pushed him a bit to the side. Javier knew that tone of voice, and he knew that he was done talking for now. But he didn't mind. It wasn't the first time he would relinquish control, so he complied and rolled over to lie on his stomach. Yuzuru crawled on top of him and rubbed his crotch against Javier's thighs, a smile appearing on his lips when he heard Javier moan and felt him in turn grind his hips against the mattress. Yuzuru kissed his shoulders and back, his lips once again moving further and further down towards the boxers that really needed to finally go now. He gingerly slipped his fingers under the waistband and slowly pulled them down, continuously kissing Javier's skin as he gradually exposed it. Javier flinched back when Yuzuru suddenly bit him, leaving behind a distinct mark on his ass, then putting his lips over that same spot, his touch overshadowing any and all pain instantly. He finally tugged the boxers all the way down and dropped them on the floor. Javier knew that soon he was supposed to... "Butt up," Yuzuru interrupted his unspoken thoughts, and Javier again did as he was told. He felt Yuzuru's lips that were still glued to his body, yet he only faintly heard the quiet clicking noise when the lube got uncapped. But he sure felt that cold, smudgy spot that now hit the warm skin between his butt cheeks. "Okay?" Yuzuru asked in a whisper while the tip of his finger was already circling Javier's entrance. All he got in return was some kind of affirmative grunt, but with the way Javier eagerly rolled his hips, the answer was moot anyway.

He lifted his rear up even further, pressing against Yuzuru's hand as the slender digit slipped inside, eliciting a moan that sounded almost like a sigh of relief. Yuzuru moved carefully, didn't push in all the way at once, curled his finger just so, steadily searching for that spot that would heighten Javier's pleasure. And sure enough, he still found it as quickly as ever. Javier's hips kept twitching as his breathing got heavier. He shifted his weight and tried to move one hand down to touch himself, but Yuzuru stopped him, softly brushing his arm aside. "Wait," he whispered, leaving a trail of kisses on the small of his back. And once again Javier complied and let Yuzuru do as he pleased, because when he was being like this, he could do whatever he wanted, and he could do to him whatever he wanted. Javier tried to turn his head, not giving a damn whatever muscle he would strain, just wanting to catch a glimpse of Yuzuru's face. He moved one arm back again, searching for Yuzuru's hand that was already coming his way, their fingers finding each other and entangling practically on their own. Javier pressed his face and shoulders into the mattress again, abandoned himself bit by bit as Yuzuru's touch became more vigorous, as he kept thrusting inside of him and made his finger and hand shake in a way that had Javier's whole body shudder from head to toe.

Yuzuru suddenly let go of his hand, and Javier couldn't even think as quickly as Yuzuru had already reached underneath his body and started stroking him, his hand moving ever so slowly, his thumb occasionally circling over the head, every touch approaching the point of torture like he was biding his sweet time to make Javier completely lose his mind. "God, Yuzu, please," he groaned, literally biting into the sheet. Yes, he was no longer above begging, he would've said and done anything to make him get on with it. Javier felt a drop of sweat run down his temple, could just about smell the smirk on Yuzuru's lips as he kept rubbing his thumb over the tip of his cock until he finally, _finally_ picked up the pace and started stroking him quickly, matching the steady rhythm of that finger in his ass that was still hitting spots Javier had almost forgotten existed inside of him. The sensation of pleasure piled up in his body, concentrated in one spot and then spread all over him from his very core to the outmost layer of his skin, refusing to break free at last, flooding through him over and over until he was finally allowed to give in and let Yuzuru make him come so hard, Javier felt like his whole body was about to break into a million pieces.

Yuzuru gradually slowed down, his one hand still leisurely stroking Javier through the last shivers. When he felt that Javier was about to plummet, he quickly let go and laid one arm around his waist to gently ease him down onto the bed. He carefully pulled out and wiped his lube-covered hand on the bedspread before he lovingly patted his butt and put a faint kiss on each cheek. Yuzuru climbed on top of Javier, snuggling against his back and tenderly caressing the naked body underneath. "That was good idea?" He giggled when there was no reply besides some more noisy breathing that got muffled by the mattress. "Yeah, good idea," he mumbled quietly as he soothingly kissed Javier's shoulders.


	12. ...and Soul

Postcoital cuddling had always been one of Yuzuru's favorite parts. Not that there weren't other fun parts he massively enjoyed during sex. But just lying in bed with Javier, their sweaty bodies spent but satisfied, their minds still adrift in a space that didn't care about coherent thought – everything before just got infinitely better by an encore like this. Yuzuru rolled to the side after a while, fearing that he'd get to heavy. But Javier couldn't have cared less about that bit of extra weight on his back. Aside from the usual languidness that always overcame him right afterwards, all he felt was a sense of relief and lightness. He just wanted to lay there with his eyes closed, savoring the sensation of Yuzuru's fingers as they gently ran over his naked skin, the tender kisses they exchanged from time to time. 

But once the post-orgasm high slowly faded, the situation got just a little bit too nasty. There was no way for him to properly enjoy all that snuggling while so many parts of his body were covered in icky stuff. Yuzuru reluctantly dragged himself out of bed and followed him when Javier went to the bathroom to clean himself and get changed. Once they got back to the room, Yuzuru removed the dirty bedspread and put it in a laundry bag, together with their soiled clothes that he'd picked up from the corridor. "Hey buddy, I haven't seen you there," he heard Javier laugh. Yuzuru looked up from the bedding that he was just about to fluff up and saw Javier standing on the other side of the bed, gingerly patting Pooh who was sitting on top of a shelf. "I can't believe you still have him after all those years."

"That is Pooh-san!" Yuzuru gasped and threw the pillow back onto the bed. "I will _always_ have him."

"You still bring him to the rink?"

"Of course. We need tissues at the rink all the time, and Pooh-san always brings tissues."

"We could've needed some tissues here before." Javier smirked, pinching the bear's nose. "If he watches us, he could at least help out."

Yuzuru jumped onto the bed and firmly shook his head. "No, he can't. Pooh-san tissues are not for that."

Javier looked at the bear for a moment before he took him from his spot and put him back the other way around, his yellow butt now sticking out of the shelf. "In that case, he doesn't get to watch either." He walked over to the bed where Yuzuru was lying, giggling like a little boy. Javier was just about to join him when his foot hit against something on the floor. He picked up the bottle of lube and put it on the nightstand, right next to the empty condom wrappers that had been left there this morning. "You know, for someone who hasn't had sex in a while, you sure have a lot of equipment."

"Just in case. Maybe I need it." Yuzuru shrugged lightly and moved over as Javier lay down next to him. "Yesterday I need it." He smiled, wrapped one arm around his waist and propped up his chin on Javier's chest. Yuzuru leaned into the touch when Javier brushed the bangs out of his face. But there was something odd about the way those fingers glided over his hair and skin, and the smile on Javier's lips seemed almost plastic. "What's wrong?"

Javier hesitated. "It's nothing, just... something Kana mentioned." His fingertips brushed over Yuzuru's cheek before he let his hand sink down. "She told me that... well, that you've been dating a lot of girls in the past year." He paused for a moment, awaiting a reaction. But Yuzuru just silently stared at him. "Don't be mad at her, she didn't really mean to tell me. It just slipped out."

"Yes, I had dates." The answer now came so promptly, he made it look like he had no reservations at all about the question. Even the bland expression on his face still didn't changed in the slightest as he pushed himself up a bit. "Is that problem?"

"No, no problem, it's just that... yesterday you told me that you haven't been with anybody since we..."

"It was just dates. Not like girlfriends."

Javier silently looked at him, not realizing how his fingers kept tapping against the mattress. "Yeah. Right. That's what Kana said."

"You think I lie to you?" Yuzuru asked instantly as he got up and moved back to sit on his heels.

"No, I don't."

"I didn't sleep with them."

"I believe you."

"I told you: I didn't have sex with anyone."

Javier again just quietly stared at him, his fingertips still making noises that neither one of them noticed. Finally he sat up as well, leaned with his back against the headboard and elaborately cleared his throat. "Why not?"

"... _what?_ " Yuzuru looked at him like he'd just been asked if he enjoyed brushing his teeth with tinfoil. 

"Why didn't you have sex with anyone? We've been together a pretty long time and... there had to be things you missed while you were with me."

"Like what?"

"Like sleeping with girls. I figured that's why you've been dating so many."

"I don't want to sleep with girls." 

"Other guys then. There have always been things that we didn't do because I wasn't..." 

"You think I want to fuck other guys because you didn't like my dick in your ass?"

Javier was stunned silent only for a second. He should've remembered that in these matters Yuzuru preferred an approach that was about as subtle as a punch in the face.

"Is that reason why you have so much sex with other men?" Yuzuru asked before Javier had even a chance to take another breath.

"What?"

"You miss something when you sleep with me?"

"No, of course not."

"Then why you think that about me?"

Javier stared back at Yuzuru who sat there, waiting, slouching, and a look in his eyes that was equal parts confused and confusing. "Yuzu, come on," he finally sighed, a desperate laugh accompanying his words, "it's been more than a year. I know that you like sex. A lot. Before we got together, you've hooked up with plenty of people just for sex." Yuzuru drew back his shoulders, instinctively straightening his back, his whole face and body switching to defensive mode. "No, that's _not_ what I meant, and you know it." Javier quickly raised his hands, hoping to avert this argument before it could even ensue. "I just feel like you're keeping something from me. You told me that you haven't been with anybody, and then Kana tells me that you've been dating all those girls. And since when do you have such a problem with condoms? You once told me that you've never had unsafe sex with anyone. So what's the big deal now?" With every word that he said, Javier could see how the tension in Yuzuru's body crumbled away bit by bit. All that was left in the end was the scared little boy that still hid deep inside of him, now abandoned by the confident young man that Javier actually knew him to be. "I just want to know what's going on, Yuzu."

"It's stupid," he whispered, staring at his hands that were neatly folded in his lap. 

"Then tell me something stupid. But talk to me."

Yuzuru still looked down when he felt the mattress shift underneath himself as Javier moved over to sit right in front of him. He didn't react when Javier's hand gently touched his wrist. He'd hoped that he would have a little more time to come up with some answers before Javier would start asking questions. "I didn't really want to go out with anybody," he mumbled with a shaky laugh. "But Kana said I can't just hide at home all the time."

"She wasn't wrong about that."

"I know. And it was okay. Having dates was nice. All girls were very nice. And sometimes I even let them come here but... I didn't really want them here." Yuzuru voice had gotten thinner, to a point where every word sounded as physically demanding as a five-quad free skate. He was clinging to Javier's hand, kneading it nervously without even realizing, although he'd been staring down at it the whole time. "Sometimes they want to kiss, and I let them but... I don't feel like I want that."

"Well, not all dates must end with a kiss. Sometimes you go out with the wrong person. It happens."

Yuzuru nodded, his head still lowered and his eyes cast down. "Yeah. It happens."

"Maybe you should've dated a bunch of guys instead. That worked for me." Javier laughed. It was supposed to sound teasingly, but Javier himself wasn't sure how much of a joke he was actually trying to make.

"Maybe. Dates with girls was just easier." 

Javier wanted to reply something, already had a really good joke on his lips about how that didn't sound easier at all since he'd always found women to be way more complicated than men. But then he noticed that slight tremble in Yuzuru's fingers, and even though he had his head lowered so far that all Javier could see were the bangs falling over his forehead, he could still tell that he was probably biting his lip and holding his breath. He had never needed to see Yuzuru's face to know when he was on the verge of tears. 

"I didn't want second best," Yuzuru finally whispered. "Everybody tells me I must stop to be sad and that I can just find somebody new." Javier tried to make him look up, but Yuzuru refused, the first tear drop falling down onto the back of his hand. "I didn't want that. I couldn't let anybody get close to me but... but _you could._ "

"Wait," Javier said the instant the words had left Yuzuru's mouth, "you think this was easy for me?"

"No, that's not..."

"You think I just replaced you with the next best guy I could find?"

"No, I... look, _I know_ it's stupid. I just always remember it, especially when we..." He finally looked up and nodded in the direction of the nightstand where the empty condom wrappers were still lying out in the open, silently mocking his foolish insecurities. "We never need that before but now..." 

"But now we do. And it's my fault, I know that. Do you expect an apology?"

"No."

"Because we were broken up. I didn't do anything wrong."

"I know." Javier's hand went slack when Yuzuru squeezed it even tighter and pressed it against his stomach. "I know that it's just in my head, but I can't stop thinking about it."

Javier looked down at their hands. He made Yuzuru loosen his grip, because he was holding him so tightly, his fingertips were about to turn blue. For a second there, he'd actually thought that he'd heard some kind of accusation hidden underneath Yuzuru's words. But deep down he knew better than that. He knew that usually Yuzuru was strong and confident, but that sometimes his heart got the better of him. 

"I'm not like you," Javier finally said, breathing out the last remnants of agitation along with his words. "I know you sometimes disappear into your own world, and that works for you. But I'm not like you. Solitude isn't good for me." He put his other hand into Yuzuru's lap and watched their fingers find their way around each other. "You weren't my first, you know that. I've had relationships before, and break-ups, and every time I found somebody knew and moved on. But with you..." He could feel how Yuzuru's fingers tensed under his touch, felt Yuzuru's stare on himself. But now it was him who couldn't look up. "You were gone. We were over, and I tried really hard to just forget you, because I knew that I had to but," Javier finally raised his eyes, "all I really wanted was to get you back. Not being with you... I don't know how to do that anymore."

Yuzuru's chin trembled slightly. He pressed his lips to a thin line, his teary eyes still fixed on Javier, the next drop already threatening to run down his cheek. He wanted to tell him how much he'd hated the last year. How alone he'd felt, even though plenty of people had done their best to comfort him. How he had tried to move on without actually trying at all, because he'd refused to accept that this was really over. That he knew that their relationship had been far from perfect. That he didn't need perfection, that all he wanted was to be happy again. Yuzuru forced his mouth open to tell him all that and more, but his lips had barely parted when he suddenly threw his head back, loudly gasping for air and snuffling even louder.

"Yeah, great, that was exactly the reaction I had hoped for." Javier laughed and squeezed Yuzuru's fingers before he let go of him and jumped up from the bed. 

"I'm sorry." Yuzuru sniffled and dried his eyes on the short sleeve of his shirt. He really needed to learn how to not end every day in tears. At some point this crybaby persona would cease to be endearing and be just plain annoying. He felt so embarrassed, he didn't even want to look up when he heard Javier come back towards the bed. But when he finally did, he saw a bright smile and kind, dark eyes coming his way. He inadvertently laughed when Pooh got carefully placed in his lap before Javier sat down next to him again.

"Pooh-san tissues are okay for emergencies, right?"

"This is so stupid." Yuzuru blew his nose and threw the tissue on the nightstand. "I'm total idiot."

"You're not an idiot."

"Of course I'm idiot. Look at me." He groaned indignantly and gestured towards himself. "I'm not like that. When bad things happen, I get over it and I move on. But with you I always get so stupid." Yuzuru clutched the bear in his lap, albeit not with the usual gentle touch, but more like he was about to squish Pooh's head to fluff-pulp. "I'm sorry," he mumbled once again. His fingers gradually unclenched, now carefully cradling the little creature in his lap, squeezing his ears and rubbing his cheeks before he pulled out another tissue.

"Just get rid of all that snot so I can kiss you."

"Don't. I'm gross."

Yuzuru was still sitting on his heels, so Javier put his hands on the side of his thighs, soothingly rubbing them. "Would it make you feel better if I told you something that makes _me_ feel pretty stupid?" Yuzuru glanced at him, still hiding behind the tissue and wiping his nose one last time before he answered with only a timid shrug. Javier scratched his temple, his forced laugh sounding at least somewhat embarrassed. "Well, I did have lots of sex last year. Probably a lot more than was good for me. But I thought, well... I could do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted, and as many times as..."

"I really don't want to hear about..."

"You know what happened?" Javier continued, completely unfazed by the interruption. "I ended up having some of the _most boring sex_ I can ever remember. Jerking off alone would've been better than wasting an orgasm on some of these guys." Javier smiled when he saw a slight twitch around the corners of Yuzuru's mouth. It was small and tried its best to hide from him, but it was definitely there.

"Bad sex. _That_ makes you feel stupid?"

"Those guys were a total waste of time and sperm. And, you know, your brilliant idea for tonight, that thing you did for me before," Javier wiggled one finger in front of Yuzuru's face, this time educing an actual smile from his lips, "I never let anybody else do that to me."

Yuzuru buried his hands in Pooh's fur and pressed him against his belly. "Well, that _is_ stupid," he sighed and rolled his eyes. "You really like it when I do that."

"Damn right I do. But you remember how long it has taken me to let _you_ go there?"

"Just because you were always scared about new things."

"It wasn't because..." Javier in turn sighed and rolled his eyes. He cupped his face and quickly kissed him before Yuzuru could even think about protesting. "Those guys are not important, cariño. They never were." He gently brushed some strands of hair behind his ear. "I didn't trust anyone else with my ass. You think I would've trusted them with my heart?"

Yuzuru's nose made funny noises again, but this time it was definitely not caused by tears or snot. "That was..." He snorted again, his upper body trembling. "Wow, that was cheesy."

"Excuse me?" Javier laughed, his hand lightly smacking Yuzuru's cheek as he let go of him. "It was not."

"Yes, that was very big cheese."

Javier glanced down at the bear in Yuzuru's arms. "Pooh and I think that you're really stupid."

"Pooh-san only speaks Japanese, and he agrees with me."

"Are you two ganging up on me again? That's it, no more Pooh for you tonight."

Yuzuru swiftly grabbed one last tissue before Javier could take his furry friend back to its original spot. Yuzuru laughed when he once again saw the little yellow butt stick out of the shelf. "Oh, poor Pooh."

"I told you, that perverted little furball doesn't get to watch anymore."

Yuzuru was still giggling when Javier got back to the bed. He'd barely sat down when Yuzuru already pushed him down on his back, leaned over him and gently petted his cheek. "I love you," he whispered, and before Javier could answer, he'd already been silenced by a kiss. Yuzuru didn't let go of him when their lips finally parted, his hands still caressing Javier's face. "I still want to go to clinic tomorrow."

"Yes, of course we'll go." Javier pulled him down and kissed him on the forehead, then tightly wrapped both arms around him when Yuzuru snuggled up to him. "We do this together tomorrow, and then we put it behind us."


	13. Face Time

"You did good this morning at the interviews." Kanako stepped next to Yuzuru, leaning with her forearms onto the boards just as he did. "Maybe we'll even sell the last few tickets now."

"So it did help with sales that we invited Javi?"

"Actually most of the tickets were gone pretty quickly long before that."

Yuzuru finally took his eyes off the skaters on the ice and slowly turned his head in her direction. "But you told me that..."

"That your pretty face wasn't enough anymore to sell tickets and that we needed another headliner for the show? Yeah, I did say that, didn't I?" Kanako didn't bother to look at him, but the grin on her face was broad enough to be seen on the back of her head. "Don't worry, your pretty face still works just fine."

Yuzuru stared at her from the side, his mouth open, his head shaking, his tongue unable to put his thoughts into words. He wasn't even sure why he was surprised anymore. 

"Why on earth is he already here?" Kanako shook her head when she spotted Javier amongst all the busy figures on the ice. "You don't have any show practice scheduled before this afternoon." 

"He insisted. I told him he should get some more sleep, but he wouldn't listen." Yuzuru wiggled his head and rolled his eyes, but the way his smile beamed across the whole length of the rink, it was fairly obvious that he didn't mind at all to have him here. "We ran into some of the novice skater yesterday on our way out. They asked if he would come to their practice today."

"He's taking over your students now?"

"He's just being nice."

"Careful. They might like him better than you."

"Yeah, that keeps happening. First you, then my students..."

"Idiot." She laughed and smacked him on his behind, hard enough to make the sound resonate – and to make Yuzuru wince and yelp quietly. "Oh come on, that didn't really hurt, did it?"

"Of course not, I'm just," Yuzuru stretched and tried very hard not to make any more noises as he rubbed the small of his back, "I'm just a little sore."

"From what? That little bit of extra practice for the show?"

Yuzuru stared at the surface of the ice, praying that it wouldn't reflect the mental images that immediately formed behind his widely opened eyes. How he saw himself waking up way too early this morning, because Javier had decided to snuggle up to him from behind, wrapping one arm around his waist, kissing his neck and nibbling on his earlobe, making him remember all those lazy hours they had spent together in bed like this. How he would always feel the warmth of Javier's whole body all over himself, his hands tenderly running over his skin until the loving caress turned into fondling. And on this morning, Javier's hands would start to wander just as quickly. "We don't have much time. I have interviews," Yuzuru heard himself whisper while already guiding Javier's touch. Everything else then happened on its own somehow. Kisses were sparse, because morning breath just wasn't sexy on anyone. Yuzuru ended up lying on his side again, his legs pulled up towards his chest, Javier's body still fully aligned with his own. He loved it when they had sex like this, when he could relinquish control and just relish the feeling of being captured in an endless embrace that was filled with affection and lust and everything in between. Burning hot breath hit his neck and cheek, the smell of sex and sweat lingered thickly in the air. The sound of Javier's gasps reached his ear, whispers of sweet nothings in a language he didn't need to understand. Javier kept moving slowly, steadily, pressed more and more tightly against the quivering body in his arms. But every now and then he nearly stopped, just long enough for their bodies to begin to forget, their pleasure almost set to pause before he would continue, before he found back into a rhythm that remained gentle and soft, that wasn't meant to build but only to sustain. Yuzuru's mind gave in long before his body, making his mouth speak pleas so needy, at any other moment he would've been mortified by himself. But right now he didn't care about his ego and pride, right now he just made Javier hold on to him tighter, made their bodies be one as they moved quicker and quicker until finally...

"Hey," Kanako snapped her fingers in front of his face, "anybody home?"

Yuzuru blankly stared at her, goosebumps shooting down his spine in a flash. "Wha... sorry, what?"

"I asked if you're really hurting or just being a baby."

"No, no, I'm fine." He was pretty sure that his complexion must've rivaled the color of a fire truck right now.

"Getting sore from show practice." She smirked and poked him in the side. "Are you getting old?"

"I'm not getting any younger."

"Right, at 25 you're almost ready for retirement."

Yuzuru managed not to make a single sound when Kanako laughed and slapped his butt again. He silently vowed that three things would be struck from his vocabulary for the rest of the week: the words _harder_ , and _please_ , and certainly _any combination of the two_. "I overdid it a bit. I'll take it easy today and then I'll be fine tomorrow."

"You should ask your boyfriend for tips. He looks like he's still in good shape."

Yuzuru looked back over to the other side of the rink where Javier was still heavily occupied. "He's in fantastic shape." The soft smile on Yuzuru's lips was definitely not caused by the sight of Javier's formidable body. It was too adorable to watch him play around with all those tiny skaters, some of whom barely came up to his waist. They were buzzing around him like a swarm of overexcited bees, surrounding the most appealing flower in the field and trying to get a piece of it. He'd always been great with kids, even those who needed an interpreter to understand him.

"Speaking of which," Kanako's head twitched slightly as she cleared her throat, "I may accidentally have mentioned something to him yesterday and..."

"I know," Yuzuru cut in without looking at her. "It's okay. We talked about it."

Kanako slid forward a bit, trying to get a better look of Yuzuru's face. She swallowed hard when Yuzuru just kept staring up front, his eyes still following the skaters on the ice. "I shouldn't have gotten into that. It wasn't my place to tell him anything." Yuzuru just wobbled his head, mimicking something that could have been a nod as well as a shrug, or something else entirely. "It just slipped out, honestly, I didn't..."

"I'm sorry, Kana." Yuzuru's gaze followed the movement of his hand as he put it on her forearm, squeezing it lightly and trapping the sleeve of her blouse between his fingers. When he finally looked at her, he saw all kinds of confusion hovering over her face, making her mouth twitch and her eyebrows dance above her blinking eyes. Ever since they'd been children, she had always reacted like that when she was stunned and lost for words while her body still tried to formulate some kind of response. For a brief moment, Yuzuru couldn't help but smile at the sight. "I want to apologize for how I treated you last year. That I didn't talk to you at all and... that was very wrong of me. I'm really sorry about that."

The erratic little moves on Kanako's face had stopped, her features softening before she quietly rolled her eyes and turned towards the ice again. "I know." She calmly patted the hand that was still holding on to her arm. "I'm not angry. Not anymore."

"Sometimes you sounded pretty angry."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, that's why..."

"You didn't just hold back. You flat-out lied to my face."

"What... no. No. About what?"

"Well for example when I asked you why you broke up."

"I didn't lie. I told you that we..." Yuzuru stumbled over the words he was about to utter when he saw how Kanako's eyes narrowed to thin lines. It was almost like she was daring him to do it again.

"You told me that the distance was too much. That you had tried everything, that you had agreed not to waste each other's time. That's complete crap, and you know it. And if you have really believed that for even a second, then you've been lying to yourself as well." She not so kindly slapped his fingers, but Yuzuru didn't let go of her arm, and she didn't make him. "You two idiots. You've always thought that everything else is so much more important than what you want." She briefly glanced at him from the side, patting his hand before she gently pulled her arm away.

Yuzuru wasn't sure if he'd imagined that tone of sadness in her voice. Her smile was as warm as ever, and her eyes still radiated that wave of quiet understanding before her gaze wandered back onto the ice. They both knew that she was right. As little as Yuzuru had told her about this whole break-up disaster, the silence in between had spoken volumes. And he knew what she would've said to him if he had shared all his reasoning. If he had told her that he would've given up everything for Javier, but that he knew that this would never be asked of him. That he in turn could never have asked Javier to give up all his dreams and ambitions. That in the grand scheme of things their relationship was just not important enough to interfere with all that they could still accomplish. And she would've told him to his face that he was being an idiot and that only a fool would give up so easily. That making sacrifices wasn't supposed to be easy, and that it wasn't like him to run away from a challenge. And they would've fought about it, because he would've known that she was right about everything and that all his heartache was nobody's fault but his own. He hadn't wanted to hear it, because he would've resented her for telling him a truth that he already knew. 

They both looked up when they heard a high-pitched voice calling out their names, and then they saw Aiko come skating across the ice. She was one of the novice skaters that had been swarming around Javier until a second ago. Yuzuru waved at her when she yelled a greeting before she had even come close to the boards.

"Ai-chan, how's your practice going?"

"Great! Can Habi-sensei teach our class next week?"

"Javi-sensei!" Kanako burst out laughing, repeatedly slapping her hand on top of the boards.

Yuzuru unsuccessfully tried to silence Kanako with a glance, but Aiko appeared completely unfazed anyway. She played around with her gloves while waiting for an answer, looking up at them with sparkly eyes and a big, hopeful smile that was missing a tooth in the right upper corner. "You want him to teach your class again?" Yuzuru asked, and Aiko's little head nodded vigorously underneath the pink headband. "Well, I thought I would teach your class again next week. But if you like him better than me..." Her mouth fell open and the rapid swing of her head switched directions, now going sideways at a speed that would give any normal person a decent concussion. Yuzuru's lips defied the orders of his mind, leaving him unable to hold back a smirk. "He has to leave on Monday, but he'll be back in two weeks. You can ask him if he'll come back to your class then."

"I can?"

Yuzuru leaned over the boards and reached for her, pretending that he was about to ruffle her hair. Aiko squeaked and giggled when he pulled the headband down over her eyes instead. "Go back to your practice, you're not finished yet," he scolded her with a smile and pointed towards the far end of the ice. Aiko skated back to the group, and of course straight towards Javier. She took his hand and dragged him over to the substitute teacher who had filled in to instruct Yuzuru's youngest today. Javier looked towards them when Aiko talked to her teacher and then pointed in the general direction of where Yuzuru and Kanako stood. Javier laughed as the other teacher obviously translated Aiko's request for him. It wasn't hard to guess his answer when the little girl in front of him suddenly jumped up and down.

Kanako laughed when Aiko nearly tripped and Javier managed to catch her just in time. She tried to hug him, but all she really did was cling around his leg because she wasn't yet tall enough to reach the rest of him. "How does he do that? He can't even really talk to them. Why do they love him so much?"

"He takes them seriously." Yuzuru's smile had remained, but there was an unexpected graveness in his voice. "He doesn't show them how to do things his way, but instead he tries to improve what they already have. He sees something special in all of them, and the kids can just feel that somehow."

"Sounds like someone else I know." Kanako countered his irritated glance with a soft smile. "He'll be back in two weeks already?" 

"He has some other appointments in the south, and then he'll go to Shanghai for a couple of days. He was supposed to go back to Spain after that but," Yuzuru shrugged, hoping that his dopey smile wasn't as broad as it felt, "he rearranged some things and changed his flight. He'll come back for a couple more days."

Kanako's fingertips slowly stroked over the badly scratched top of the boards. "And then what?" 

It didn't escape Yuzuru that her voice had gotten that distinct undertone. She only got that when she wanted to talk seriously and wouldn't tolerate any kind of evasion or goofy distractions. Yuzuru took a deep breath and shook his head. "I'm not sure."

"Have you talked about it?"

"Not yet."

"But you two know that you can't just..." Kanako hesitated when Yuzuru slightly turned his head without actually looking her in the face. "I don't mean to pry, I just..."

"You want to help, I know." He nodded with a reassuring smile. He'd shut her out before, but he was not about to make the same mistake again. "We're not there yet. We just got back together and we still have to clear some things up. We first need a short-term plan before we can figure out how we... how we go on." 

While Yuzuru's mouth was still answering her question, his head was somewhere else entirely, questioning why he'd even said those last few words. Because what he'd really wanted to say was that they still needed to figure out how they would spend the rest of their lives together. And while that thought had clearly formed in his mind, his lips still refused to say it out loud. _The rest of their lives_. He was sure that he had arrived at a point where he couldn't imagine life without Javier anymore, and he was just as sure that Javier felt the same about him. But the rest of their lives – it was such an incomprehensible amount of time, he had no idea how anyone could make a plan for something like that. How could they even grasp that kind of limited eternity, and how could they control the circumstances in a way that would assure their happiness? Because nothing less was at stake, and it was just now that Yuzuru became fully aware of that fact.

"Did you just get me a new job?" Javier's voice pulled him back into the realm of the frosty rink. "I thought I would come back for a couple of vacation days, but apparently..."

"If you don't want to do it," Yuzuru interrupted him, "you can just say no."

"Have you ever tried to say no to that girl?"

Kanako started to giggle. "Never. Aiko _owns_ Yuzu."

"She does not."

"She makes him stupid little boy again."

"So basically," Javier smirked, "she's like you, only cuter." He slipped to the side when Kanako tried to grab him. "I meant shorter. Shorter! Sorry."

"Are you finished with teaching? We must leave soon." Their appointment at the clinic was in less than an hour, and Javier still needed to change his clothes before they could head to the other end of the city.

"You go to eat? I don't have lunch yet."

Neither Yuzuru nor Javier looked all too excited about her attempt to fish for an invitation. Yuzuru started to mumble something in Japanese, interrupting his incomplete words with the occasional cough or head scratch. "We have plans," Javier quickly cut off the stammering and put his hand over Yuzuru's on the boards. "We'll go back to his apartment for... _lunch_. But you're welcome to join us if..."

"You. Are. _Dis.gus.ting_ ," Kanako chanted as she turned on her heel and walked away.


	14. Glances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone ^_^ I'm sorry about the super long and unplanned hiatus -.- But life happened and unfortunately it didn't prioritize my writing, so I only recently got back to working on this story again. If anybody's left who still wants to keep reading :-p here's finally the next chapter.

The next day they finally moved the practices to the arena. Javier's first stop of the day was of course at the break room, where Kanako had her hands full trying to keep him from ransacking the breakfast buffet.

"You go on like this, you'll get fat."

"You're marrying the guy who's responsible for this. You'll get fat first."

Eventually she managed to drag him away from the table and out of the room. At times it wasn't easy for one person alone to keep Javier from all things edible, and she sure couldn't expect much help from Yuzuru. Right now he was busy overseeing the practices and giving some additional instructions to several technicians, because he thought the sound of the music was just one decibel too loud or one spotlight was off by the width of a finger. Ultimately it was Kanako's job to also drag him away before he would drive everyone completely crazy. She knew him well enough to realize that his kind of perfectionisms could drive people towards homicidal tendencies.

Javier stood at the side of the rink, laughing at the scene. Nobody but Kanako would dare to scold Yuzuru like a schoolboy right in front of everybody, and even more hilarious was how little resistance she encountered from him. She might've been the one wearing the dresses when they were on the ice, but she sure wore the pants when it came to their personal relationship.

"Hey, I looked for you," Yuzuru hollered as he came skating over. It had taken him until now to notice that Javier was standing there in the half-dark, watching him. "Where were you?"

"Break room."

"Again? How much can you eat?"

"A lot. You should know that."

"You'll get fat."

Javier groaned and let one hand run over his chest. "I knew it. You only want me for my body." He took a step back when Yuzuru tried to poke him. "Shouldn't you get ready? According to the schedule you're soon up to do your solo program."

"That's just for checking the music. I must not skate it completely."

"But you haven't practiced it once so far."

"I did lots of practice last week. I'm ready."

Javier's attempt to suppress a sigh was crowned with only moderate success. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sure you're ready."

Yuzuru furrowed his brow. "You think I need more practice?"

"No, I just..." Javier stepped closely towards the frozen surface and looked up at him. He stood on the floor and was only wearing his sneakers, so Yuzuru in his skates on the ice was a good bit taller than him. "You've only done the group numbers these past two days." He smiled and pulled at the hem of Yuzuru's shirt. "I guess I just really missed watching you skate, that's all."

Yuzuru took the hand that was still hovering around his hip. "You really want to see?"

"Are you playing coy now? Of course I want to see it." Javier held on to his hand when Yuzuru started to pull, making his blades glide forward until they hit the edge of the ice. "Well if you keep looking at me like that, you might as well just ki..."

When Javier raised himself on tiptoes, Yuzuru let go of his hand and skated backwards. "I must get ready for skating."

"Oh now all of a sudden. Hey no crazy jumps, okay? Don't break yourself!"

While Yuzuru got warmed up, Javier talked to one of the skaters, but he hurried away quickly when the light got slightly dimmed and it was announced that it was time for Yuzuru to start. He skated to the middle of the ice and took his starting position. He stretched his body and curved his back, raised one arm high above his head with the tips of his fingers attempting to touch the sky, the other arm floating to the side with such ease, no one could tell how much strength it really took to hold all those gorgeous lines. Javier only briefly glanced to the side when Kanako came to a stop right next to him, just as the music was about to play.

"He does full program? He said he don't want to do it today."

"I asked him to."

Kanako smiled to herself. "Good."

They both silently watched him soar over the ice as a violin started to play a melody. It was then joined by a piano, and even though it hadn't been noticeable before, it now added something to the tune that had been missing before. The two instruments joined, creating a new sound that made them almost indistinguishable. Bright, shining spotlights followed Yuzuru's every move through a rink that was bathed in warm colors that resembled the light of dawn. His blades quietly carved new patterns into the glimmering surface, seemingly without effort, and his whole body swayed to the music as he did his turns and twizzles. He wore his usual training outfit – those tight pants, the short-sleeved black and grey shirt that highlighted every contour of his body so well – but Javier could already picture the final product without having seen the costume before. Yuzuru took up speed, made some familiar steps, and Javier knew instantly what he was about to do. He shook his head and chuckled when Yuzuru popped the attempted quad into a triple, visibly upset about the mishap. 

Yuzuru made his way across the ice until he came to a full stop at the center. All of a sudden it was as if his body lost all tension and almost deflated as he sunk down on one knee. He stared at his fingertips that seemed to trace the messy engravings on the ice. He stood up, slowly, his hands reaching for something that wasn't there, his feet almost stumbling for a step or two. He forced his blades firmly back onto the ground as he turned around, causing a spray of ice to fly through the air behind him.

All the while Javier's eyes were glued to his every move. "What music is he skating to?"

"It's from Japanese movie. It was very popular last summer."

"What's it about?"

Kanako looked at him. "Can't you tell?" She braced one hand on his shoulder and smiled softly when Javier shook his head. "You'll see."

 

Kanako had the whole event organized right down to the last detail, which of course included room assignments. She'd not only set up a press room where they could accommodate journalists and hold interviews, but she'd also reserved a small office space for herself to handle other official business. And she'd made sure that Yuzuru had a room of his own as well, a fact against which he protested as soon as he'd gotten wind of it.

"Why would I need my own room? All I do is skate and give some interviews. I can use the same rooms as the others."

"You're the boss and it's your show. You get a room. Deal with it."

And with that the argument had been settled, simply because Kanako had decided that the discussion was over. Yuzuru still grumbled over it for a while, but he knew that there was no point in arguing with her. He wouldn't have admitted it, but in the end the room did come in handy when Yuzuru's mother and sister came backstage for a visit. Not that they needed to hide anything from anyone, but it was still nice to have some privacy when they all met again after the long time of separation. 

Javier had asked him if and when his family would come to the show, and Yuzuru had told him that they'd be there for the premier on Saturday. Of course Javier had expected to see the whole family, so he was a little surprised when not all of them showed up. But he knew better than to ask about it right away. There were lots of hugs and handshakes, excited laughs and patted cheeks, although the face touching was luckily reserved for Yuzuru. Javier let the three of them talk in Japanese for a while, reacting to the occasional smile and nod like he thought that he should. As always, Yuzuru made an effort to include him after a while, and Saya, his sister, even pulled out the few bits of Spanish she'd learned from him a couple of years ago. She only dared to do that when the family was alone and it was certain that no one else was within earshot. Javier had always been impressed that she would even try at all, because he knew what an incredibly shy person she was and how self-conscious she was even about speaking English, although she was much better at it than she would make people believe. It still made him a little proud that she had asked him to teach her something without being afraid that she could embarrass herself in front of him.

Their visit only lasted a couple of minutes, seeing as there wasn't much time left until Javier and Yuzuru needed to get ready for the show. Javier stayed aside on purpose when Yuzuru escorted them out, exchanging a few last words before he closed the door behind them. Javier hesitated. He didn't want to provoke an argument. But they both knew what was going through his head right now, and he also didn't want it to stand between them for the rest of the day. 

"So your father isn't here because..."

Yuzuru fumbled around with the zipper of his jacket. "He has big teacher conference in Tokyo." He wasn't even surprised to see Javier contort his mouth into some kind of duck face form. 

"Did he have that appointment before I was invited to the show?"

"Everything is not about you."

"So he still doesn't like me, is that it?"

"He likes you."

"I think he liked me better before I started to have sex with you."

Yuzuru nearly ripped the zipper off his jacket as he pulled it down all the way. "Don't talk like that! Show some respect!"

Javier looked back at him, stunned into silence. They'd had this argument before, but Yuzuru's reactions had rarely been this harsh. He had always maintained that his family didn't have a problem with his orientation, but Javier had never been able to shake these odd feelings when it came to Yuzuru's father. He'd always sensed a kind of rejection from him. He didn't openly oppose Javier or was unfriendly towards him in any way. It was just something about his attitude and the way he would look at him from time to time, at least during those very few instances when they had actually spent a considerable amount of time together. The man constantly seemed to be busy with other things. Of course Yuzuru had always insisted that it was all just in Javier's head. But despite many reassurances, there was little Javier could do about these pinches in the pit of his stomach. And it wasn't just about the fact that his boyfriend's father seemingly didn't warm up to him. He knew that it was important to Yuzuru what his family thought, and that he wanted and needed their approval for how he lived his life. He wanted them to be proud of him, and Javier hated the idea that Yuzuru's father could make him feel like he'd done something to disappoint him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be disrespectful. But you know how I feel about this."

Yuzuru stared at the wall, taking a deep breath, his clenched jaw slowly relaxing. "I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I."

Yuzuru adjusted the jacket that he'd so crudely pulled at a few moments ago. "I talk to him on the phone a few days ago. I tell him," his fingers were back to playing with the zipper, "that we don't want to lie anymore. He said he hopes we can be happy with our decision." He finally pulled the zipper up to his neck again. "I think he's just scared for me because he knows it will be hard for us, but... I told him I don't want you because it's easy. I want you because I love you and you're right for me."

Javier's lips moved, but not a word came out. His shoulder twitched lightly, and it wasn't discernible if he was huffing a laugh or just breathing very loudly. "You stood up to your father for me?"

"I just told him the truth. And it's not funny."

"You know why I used to hate having this argument? Because you could never admit that there even was a problem. And I've always had the feeling that it's okay for you when your father treats me like I'm just some guy that you happen to know." 

"He didn't."

"Yeah, you know very well that he did." Javier walked over, opened Yuzuru's jacket a bit and folded down the collar so it wouldn't look like he got strangled by it. "I'm sorry that I always just got angry at you and never told you what really bothers me. It's just that... I was really afraid of what might happen when you finally try to make him understand."

"Why?"

"Because I thought maybe his opinion will be more important than me."

Yuzuru almost instinctively cupped his face with both hands. "That's crazy."

"Is it really?"

"Yes, it is," he whispered against Javier's lips before he kissed him. "But I'm so sorry I made you feel like this."

A rude knock on the door interrupted them. Javier sighed and briefly let his head fall back. "I guess they need us to get dressed and ready." With a smile he set a strand of Yuzuru's hair right. "Are you excited?"

Yuzuru smiled back at him, his eyes following his hands as he settled them on Javier's chest. "Very much. But good excited."

 

The first show had some small hiccups, but all in all it went as well as it could. There was the occasional fall during a program, but that just happened and was pretty much part of the event. Despite Yuzuru's best effort to drive the technical staff into madness with his need for utter perfection, there still were some minor glitches here and there. It was never something that would draw the attention of the audience, and even most people who were part of the show didn't notice these little mistakes. But Yuzuru noticed. And since knowing about errors and not attempting to correct them was very much against his nature, he constantly made notes about everything that they still needed to work on before tomorrow. At some point Javier simply took his iPad away and told him to enjoy the show instead of obsessing over insignificant details. To his own surprise, that actually worked.

After every program the skaters did their quick stint with the press, and when the entire show had ended, Yuzuru was again asked for a last statement. At some point he'd lost sight of Javier, since they got dragged in different directions all the time. It took a while until Yuzuru made it to the locker room. Most of the others had already changed, cleaned up and were on their way to the shuttle busses. Since Javier wasn't here, Yuzuru naturally assumed that he'd probably made it his last mission of the day to put some poor leftovers from the buffet out of their misery. They eventually ran into each other in the hallway when Yuzuru was just about to enter his office.

"There you are." Javier wiped some crumbs from his fingers. "I've been looking for you."

"In the break room?"

"I had to start somewhere. Are you ready? Can we go?"

"Not yet. I forget to tell you, I have one more interview."

Javier pointed over his shoulder towards the end of the hallway where the press room was located. "Nobody's there anymore."

"We do it here in...," he rolled his eyes, "in my private room."

Javier held one hand in front of his mouth and glanced around. "Must be a very exclusive interview. Adult magazine? Too dirty for..."

"Shut up." Yuzuru chuckled and hit him in the arm. "It's for my friend. She's a teacher at high school and she makes school newspaper with her students. I promised I have time for them tonight."

"Well, that's very nice of you." Javier looked him over when Yuzuru only nodded and smiled meekly. "Will it take long?"

"I hope not."

"You look tired."

"Because I am tired." 

Javier moved towards him, gently petting his arm. The most roguish smile appeared on his lips when Yuzuru suddenly backed away from him. "I was just gonna give you a hug."

"I know but..."

"Give me a hug, or I'll insist on a kiss."

"You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't I?"

Yuzuru rolled his eyes but didn't resist anymore when Javier slowly came closer and laid both arms around his waist. It took barely a second until Yuzuru's body went slack. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against Javier's. "I'm so sleepy." 

"Want to take a five-minute nap on your desk? I could be your brave guard dog in front of the door."

It was more a yawn than an actual laugh when Yuzuru said "haha", smacked his lips and laid his chin on Javier's shoulder. "I can't nap, I still have work."

Their bodies swayed back and forth a little, moving along with every breath that they took together. A little further down the corridor Javier noticed a young woman with short hair come around the corner, a couple of teenagers walking right behind her. She stopped when she spotted the two of them, hesitating for a moment before she signaled the kids to go back and wait. Javier was unable to hold back a smirk when he saw the bashful look on her face. "I think your friend is here." 

Yuzuru quietly yawned one more time before he finally forced himself out of Javier's arms and turned around. He waved hello to her, but she still stayed at the corner, bowing and waving back.

"I guess I should leave you to it." Javier was about to touch his neck, just the usual fleeting caress. But something about the look in Yuzuru's eyes deterred him from actually doing it in the end. "Is your bag still in the locker?"

"Yes."

"Give me the key. I'll grab it for you. And then I'll get us a taxi that will be here in," he looked at his wrist watch, "35 minutes."

"But I don't know how long..."

"Yes, you do. They have 30 minutes, and then I'm taking you home with me. You can either walk out of the building, or I'm gonna carry you." 

"You're very bossy tonight."

"You got a problem with that?"

Yuzuru batted his eyes at Javier, a smile flashing over his lips that defied any description. "We try bossy at home, then I decide."


	15. Focus

It took exactly 37 minutes until Yuzuru walked out of the backdoor where Javier already waited for him next to a taxi. He got mock-scolded for being late while he wordlessly climbed into the backseat of the car. Javier made another attempt at some verbal banter, but Yuzuru's replies remained sparse and reticent. In the end Javier let him be and they spent the rest of the ride in silence. He looked at him from time to time, but Yuzuru kept his face averted and only stared out the window, a faint reflection of his features hovering over the stained glass. When they entered the apartment, Yuzuru told Javier that he was free to use the bathroom first, because he still had to take care of a few things. Javier knew that tone of voice, so he only said _thank you_ and let him disappear into the kitchen.

Javier had already been in bed for a while when Yuzuru finally entered the room. The sleeveless black shirt he wore was a good bit too long and too wide for him, the armholes coming down almost to his waist. A smile flashed over Javier’s lips when he realized that it was because Yuzuru wasn’t wearing his own clothing. The shirt rode up a bit when Yuzuru scratched his hip, showing off his bright blue boxer briefs. 

"So are you going to tell me or do you want me to guess?" Javier sat up and leaned with his back against the wall. "Don't give me that look. I know that something's up. Did the kid reporters kick your ass with too many hard questions or what happened?"

Yuzuru scuffled over and stopped at the end of the bed, kicking his foot against the frame. "Mariko saw us."

"Who?"

"My friend, the teacher."

"Oh, her. Yeah, I know. In the hallway. So what?"

"She sent her students out when we finish, and then she asked me about it." His jaw muscles visibly tensed. "She tells me that she heard weird rumor about me."

"You sound angry."

"I'm not angry. I'm annoyed." He kicked against the bed frame again. "I tell her it's not weird, and it's not rumor. I just have a boyfriend, that's it. Why are you laughing?"

Javier lowered his head for a second, but that did nothing to curb his chuckling. "She waited until the kids were gone?"

"Of course. It would be rude that she asks about it when her students are there."

"I wouldn't be surprised if they had known before her."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, I probably should've told you. I was actually surprised that no one asked me about it during the interviews today." Javier braced his elbows on his knees and tapped his fingertips together. "Two days ago, I put a photo from practice on my Instagram. Just me and some of the girls. Apparently someone posted a comment in Japanese, asking about my boyfriend." He shrugged when he saw little question marks flying around Yuzuru's head. "I'm not sure what happened, but suddenly people argued in at least three different languages. I guess someone translated that comment and then," he sighed and shrugged his shoulders even higher, "some people got angry that others talked about my private life at all, and the next person got angry at google because the translation must've been wrong." He laughed and let himself fall back against the wall. "I really don't know, I didn't read it all. I just got curious when the comment section exploded."

"Exploded? So many?"

"Yeah, but... we should have expected this, don't you think? There are still a lot of people who are interested in what we do."

"But this is private."

"Yuzu," he couldn't help but roll his eyes a bit, "don't play stupid. You know that's not how it works." Yuzuru's only reply was another kick against the bed. "That's why I was surprised that nobody asked me about it. Usually that's the kind of gossip that reporters eat for breakfast."

Yuzuru silently looked back at him, pursing his lips, his features slowly softening before he crawled onto the bed. He let Javier pull him down to lay between his bent legs and leaned his back against Javier's chest. "I don't like this," he mumbled while Javier wrapped both arms around his torso. "We meet so many people. I don't want to explain my life to every single person in the world."

Javier had wondered how long it would take until this kind of problem would arise, ever since Yuzuru had told him that he just wanted them to carry on with their lives, like nothing had happened or changed. Javier had liked the idea, too. But things were undeniably different now. To some degree, the career path they had chosen made them part of the public sphere. It had been foolish to believe they could close their eyes to this, much as they might want to. But he knew that Yuzuru's discontent didn't stem from the fact that they were, in a way, forced to disclose their relationship publicly. He was just tired of needing to justify his life choices over and over again, when all he wanted was to stop hiding his happiness.

Javier put a kiss on his shoulder. "I know you don't want to make a big announcement about our relationship..."

"But you think we have to?"

"Well, we have to do _something_. If we don't make it public, then someone else will do it for us."

Yuzuru turned his head and snuggled his face into Javier's neck. "We can stay here in bed and never go outside again."

"Deal. We should just stock up on lube before we seal the door from the inside." Javier could feel him chuckle when he kissed him on top of the head. "I had another idea if you're interested."

"You do?"

"Could you not make it sound like it's impossible for me to have a good idea?"

Yuzuru reached above his head, trying to flick Javier's cheek, but he'd already leaned away to grab his phone from the nightstand. Yuzuru slumped down a bit so he could have a better look at the screen that was being held in front of his face. Javier pulled up a selfie of the two of them, which he'd taken during practice the other day. They were both in their training clothes, standing at the boards. Damp, messy strands of hair were falling into Yuzuru's face, a look that Javier found quite appealing. He hadn't noticed before that his own cheeks were so red, it looked like he'd recently lost close combat against a rice steamer. He grumbled and wrinkled his nose. "At least you look good."

"You look nice too."

"More like I just crashed my face into the boards."

"Oh shut up." Yuzuru kissed him on the chin, seeing as it was the only part he could quickly reach without difficulties. "Why you show me picture?"

"I want to post it on my Instagram. It's my private account, but I think that's official enough. This won't make all the questions go away, but it would be a start. And we wouldn't be just a rumor anymore." He put the phone in Yuzuru's hands. "Well? What do you think about my stupid idea?"

Yuzuru tapped his thumb against the side of the phone before he finally started to push some buttons. "We need better picture," he mumbled and stretched out his arm.

"We're in your bed."

"Nobody will see that."

"Are you sure you want to..."

"Smile!" Yuzuru held up the phone and snapped a picture the moment he heard Javier chuckle. He looked at the photograph and nodded quite pleased. The picture didn't capture anything below Yuzuru's chest, and all that could be seen around them was the white wall they were leaning against. There was nothing indecent about the picture, even though it was fairly obvious that they looked rather cozy together and that Javier was holding him tightly in his arms. To his surprise, Yuzuru found that it made the picture perfect for its intended use. He handed the phone back to Javier and watched how he wrote a message to be posted along with the picture in both Spanish and English. "You write that really fast."

"I had thought about this for a while."

"I can see that."

"How does it sound? Is that okay with you?"

Yuzuru patted his knee. "It's great. Keep writing."

A minute later the phone changed hands once more. "Here, do your thing. I still have the Japanese keyboard you installed."

Yuzuru didn't look at him, but he was certain Javier could hear the smile in his voice. "You didn't delete it?"

"Just type." Javier could feel his silent giggles as he laid his chin on Yuzuru's shoulder. He watched his thumbs rush over the screen, making words appear that Javier still was unable to read or understand. The only thing he could spot were the symbols needed to write both their names. He quite liked how those characters looked so close to each other. "What did you write?"

"Same like you. Please be happy for us and respect privacy. Thank you for all your love and support. Something like that." He let his arms sink and looked up at him. "You think we need to explain more?"

"No, I think that's more than enough."

Yuzuru tapped on the display one more time and then handed the device back to Javier. "Then we're done."

"So I can post it?"

"I already did."

Javier looked at the screen. He saw the posted picture with their message in three different languages, their attempt to tell the world about themselves and about their wishes in the simplest, clearest and politest way they could think of. 

Yuzuru took the hand that had just dropped the phone onto the bed and brought it to his face, pressing his smile against Javier's fingers. "You feel any different?"

"I feel excited," he whispered right behind Yuzuru's ear. 

"What now? We just go to sleep?" Yuzuru barely managed to hold back a chuckle when he felt Javier's teeth nibble on his earlobe, one hand finding its way under his shirt. "That don't feel like you want to sleep."

"So perceptive. It’s a real turn-on how clever you are."

"We should get some sleep."

"You always sleep so much better after I su..." He stopped when he heard a quiet buzzing and felt the vibration on the mattress. "Don't you even think aba..." Javier groaned when Yuzuru picked up the phone.


	16. Outer View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again sorry for the long wait, everyone -.- I needed to work on a few things before I could inflict this on you. We'll just pick up now where we left off ^_^

Yuzuru stretched his arm when Javier attempted to take the phone from him. It was still buzzing and Yuzuru tried to make out the name on the display. "Shib One?"

"It's Alex."

"Yeah, I guessed that."

"See, smart is the new sexy, it's so hot when you..."

"He's calling. Pick up."

"Maybe later, after I had your..."

Yuzuru elbowed him in the ribs while he pushed the button to answer the incoming video call, and not a moment later both siblings appeared on the screen. Alex immediately dropped his head with a grunt when he saw how Javier stuck his tongue in Yuzuru's ear, momentarily achieving the desired reaction and causing him to gasp. "Dude! Don't answer the phone when you're..." The rest of his mumblings got swallowed by more gagging noises. Alex narrowed his eyes, intently staring at the small picture of the two of them. "Are you in bed together? _Dude_ , seriously: _Why?_ "

Javier finally stopped groping Yuzuru, at least for the moment. "It's almost midnight on this side of the world. What did you think where we would be?"

"Well I didn't think that you would post stuff about your boyfriend while you..." He groaned once more, rolling his eyes. "Seeing you two make out again was so not on my bucket list."

"Ignore him." Maia grabbed Alex's wrist to make him hold still. "He's just grumpy because he overslept and didn't get enough coffee before he needed to come to the morning session at the rink."

Yuzuru smiled softly into the camera. "I know someone like that too." He flinched a bit when Javier poked him in the side.

"Anyway." The screen was barely broad enough for her grin. "I guess congratulations are in order. So now you're not just back together but officially official. That's kind of huge, guys."

Yuzuru could feel his cheeks get hot, which embarrassed him enough to make sure that he blushed even more. "I guess. Kind of."

Maia raised an eyebrow. "Good thing Javi had no plans for this weekend and could accept an invitation to Japan, huh?"

"Yeah, good thing." Javier gently stroked Yuzuru's stomach. "Lucky coincidence." 

Maia's lopsided smile turned into a full-blown grin. "Right. Sure. What a lucky, _lucky_ coincidence."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really sorry that Alex had to cancel his engagement party, but..."

Yuzuru stretched his head towards the display. "Engagement party? Ouch, hey!"

Javier pulled his hand aside before his fingers would get slapped in return for pinching Yuzuru in the thigh. "Did you keep in touch with anybody? How can you not know about this?"

"He don't invite me to party. How can I know?"

"Oh... oh, you mean you just didn't know about _the party?_ "

"Of course I mean that."

"I thought you didn't even know that... ouch!" Javier tried to grab his arm before Yuzuru could pinch his calf a third time. "Okay, sorry, my mistake. Stop that!"

Maia glanced at her brother. "Is that still pillow talk or already foreplay."

"Dear God," Alex waved his hands, "please don't put ideas in my head. And just for... hey, guys! Just for the record, because you clearly don't get it: _there never was a party_."

Javier gave Yuzuru one last shove before he grabbed the phone from him. "What do you mean, there was no party?"

The siblings vacuously blinked into the camera for a few moments before Maia closed her eyes and took a breath so deep it made her chest visibly heave. "I hate to break it to you, Alex, but your friend is a moron."

"Why is he always _'my friend'_ when he's slow on the uptake?"

"Because I don't have friends that slow."

Yuzuru turned his head a bit to the side. "I think they make fun of you."

"Oh," Javier wrinkled his nose and huffed, "you think?"

"Yeah, I think so." 

Yuzuru looked up at him with that extra dorky expression on his face, and for a moment Javier didn't even remember the camera that he himself pointed at them when he ran his fingers through Yuzuru's hair and kissed him on the corner of the mouth. Javier laughed against his cheek when he felt him giggle in his arms.

"In case you can still hear me over the sound of your smooching..." Maia took the phone from Alex, who had moved it an arm's length out of view. "Didn't you find it the least bit curious that Kana called you only one day after Alex told you that he had to cancel his party? And that she begged you to do a show that, by sheer coincidence, just so happened to be on a weekend when you now suddenly had oooohhh so much free time? Really? It never occurred to you that this was just the tiniest bit too convenient?"

Yuzuru forwent the superfluous whispering this time. "She talks really fast, but I think Maia still makes fun of you."

"She's just boasting." Javier laid his wrist on Yuzuru's knee to stabilize the hold on his phone. "So you're like Kana's little helper or what?"

Maia elaborately pulled her pony-tail forwards over her shoulder and twirled it around her index finger. "I'm not always wearing my Christmas elf costume, but I think I still found the right presents for you."

"That's why you said it's a surprise party for his fiancée and I shouldn't tell anyone about it, isn't it?" Javier rolled his eyes. "You complained to me how stressed you were because Alex was useless when it comes to party planning."

"Well, you started to ask questions. I had to say something."

"You showed me pictures of the decorations you bought."

"I already got rid of that on eBay." 

"You told me it's a theme party and made me buy a lime green tuxedo."

Maia giggled. "Okay maybe that was just me having fun with you."

Yuzuru now was the one to take the phone from Javier. "You plan all this with Kana?"

Maia hesitated a moment before she simply shrugged. "We just helped. Kana thought Javi would be too stubborn to accept an invitation, unless she could make it sound like a real emergency. We just made sure that he wouldn't have any other plans for the week."

"I can't believe you did that."

"Sorry we lied to you," Alex's voice could be heard before he glided back into the picture, coming to a halt behind Maia. "Usually I'm not really into colluding but..."

"No, I mean..." Yuzuru mumbled through a smile, "I mean I can't believe you did that for us." 

Maia laughed. "Look, guys, you're both idiots, but you're our idiots. We knew you just needed some help and... do I have something on my face or why do you look at me like that?"

Yuzuru tried to focus on her. "Your face is fine." He didn't see her _'gee, thanks a lot'_ -expression because his eyes had already wandered upwards again. "That light on Javi's phone blinks at me all the time."

Javier didn't bother to take his phone back but instead wrapped his arms tighter around Yuzuru's chest and laid his chin on his shoulder. "Actually it blinks at me. It tries to tell me that I have a new message."

"Almost correct, bro." Alex waved another phone that had magically appeared in his hands. "I doubt that it's just _'a message'_ , as in _'singular'_. You already have like 50 comments on your photo."

"Do you think I'm stupid enough to get notifications for Instagram comments?"

Alex began to flip through the messages. The width of his smirk soon could've accommodated a bullet train. "Let's see... happy for you, happy for you, confused, happy for you, Japanese, Japanese, Spanish, happy for you, Japanese, Japanese, Japanese, Japanese..."

"It's the middle of the night here. Why are these people not asleep?" Javier mumbled, but Yuzuru answered only with a shrug and huffed through his nose. Javier clearly heard the nervousness in this attempt at a giggle. "Okay, thank you Alex, we got it now. You don't have to read them all."

Alex pointed at something on the display and showed it to Maia, who got instantly overwhelmed by an attack of the hysterical giggles. "So," Alex chortled, "you don't want to know about Ashley's comment?" He took the phone from Maia because her hand was no longer steady enough to hold it properly, making the picture of the video call look like it was being shot on a rollercoaster.

Yuzuru groaned and buried his face in his palms. "Tell me."

Alex chuckled and cleared his throat. " _About time, guys... winking smiley... So now can I finally post that video of you two in a karaoke bar singing YMCA?_ "

"No! She can't!" Yuzuru yelled into his hands, causing the other three to burst into laughter simultaneously.

"I'm sure she's just kidding," Javier tried to appease him, mostly because there was very little room for him to escape that pointy elbow that continued to pierce his ribcage like a dentist's drill.

"Yeah, you can relax." Alex was still scrolling through the comments as they kept coming in. "There were a lot more smileys after her threat. I think you're good. Actually... you know, I can't read most of these, but I see a lot of happy faces and heart symbols and all that stuff." For the sake of his sanity he tried to sound neutral and observant, but from the corner of his eye he could already see Maia smirking at him. She would now spend the rest of the day calling him a big mushy softy, thinking that she could tease him with this. It would probably turn out to be true in a couple of hours. "Lots of chatter going on in those comments, but... yeah, looks like people are mostly just really happy for you." Alex briefly glanced into the camera. "I'll just look away while you kiss him, because I know you want to."

Javier half expected to get elbowed again when he squeezed Yuzuru and planted one on his cheek, but all he did was giggle and try to kiss him back.

"I should've recorded this," Maia mused. "If Ashley already has leverage with that karaoke video, then..."

"Go ahead." Javier nearly dropped the phone as he took it from Yuzuru's hand. "You think a shot of us in bed together would be more embarrassing?"

"It could be. Depending on what you're doing."

"Doubtful." Javier ground his teeth. "That one time I had one drink too many, and she had to film it."

"I've heard you sing when you were sober. You should just," she stumbled over another chuckle, "you should just never do that under any circumstances. Dancing yes, singing no. Never."

"Like you were channeling Whitney Houston that night and..."

"Okay, okay, enough," Yuzuru finally put a stop to it. He knew that if they kept going like this, they could soon turn their conversation into a comedy act, and he was afraid that the rehearsal might start right here and now. They'd had a long and exhausting week, and they still needed to deliver one more show tomorrow. He wanted them to get at least a little bit of rest, even though Javier protested that a lack of sleep had never prevented him from giving great performances. He made it a point to emphasize that he wasn't just talking about skating, and after one more extremely subtle joke about his excellent stamina, Alex promptly terminated the conversation for him.

They had already turned off the light when Javier quickly checked the message that had caused his phone to continuously blink before. "It's from a buddy of mine," he yawned and put the phone aside before he'd even read the entire text. "He wants to know if I'm serious, because the picture looks like I still have a girlfriend."

Yuzuru started huffing and puffing like the little fighter dragon that he was. Javier didn't understand his Japanese grumbling, but he knew it was something along the lines of _'I don't look like a girl, dammit'_. Javier moved over to huddle up against him, but instead of a tender embrace he got a not so gentle smack on the back of his head. "Some of your friends suck."

"Yeah, but that one's so straight, I don't think he's interested in sucking anything. I on the other hand..."

Yuzuru chuckled and pulled Javier's hand away from his thigh. "No! Time to sleep now."

"Fine, sleep sounds good," Javier yawned and snuggled his face into Yuzuru's chest as he was finally allowed to move over.

 

It felt like only seconds had passed until they already got awakened again by an unpleasant noise. Yuzuru climbed over Javier, switched off the alarm and kissed him on the cheek. "I go to bathroom first. I wake you when I'm done." Javier's only answer was a grunt before he turned to his other side and pressed his face deep into the pillow. When he heard the sound of running water from the bathroom, he forced himself to not fall asleep again and instead searched for his phone that had gotten buried between the sheets. The little light at the top was blinking again. Presumably it had never stopped blinking throughout the night. Javier sighed and unlocked the screen. He scrolled through the list of new messages, not paying much attention to most of them.

When Yuzuru came back from the bathroom, Javier was still in bed, lying on his stomach and playing around with his phone. "We have interviews before the show. You must get up," Yuzuru scolded him and then completely discouraged Javier from doing anything of the sort by lying down next to him. "What are you reading?"

"Emails."

Yuzuru nestled his cheek against Javier's shoulder. "Good or bad news?"

"Not sure yet. It's from Laura." He patted the hand that had gently been placed on his forearm. "She wanted to warn me that my mother will want to 'talk to me' soon. Laura thinks it would've been better to tell the family first."

"About what?"

"Well, us. Obviously."

"Huh? You didn't tell them that you come back to me?"

For a moment Javier wondered why he would phrase it this way. Their break-up had not been about one of them leaving the other, but had been more like a mutual parting of ways. And yet, on second thought, it wasn't entirely wrong to say it like that. He had been the one to pack his bags and come back here, back to him – which really was the only variable that mattered in this equation.

"Of course I told them. Laura just thinks I should've warned them before we go public like this. _Everybody_ knows now. It was a coincidence that she saw that post and could tell my parents before anybody else could say something to them." Javier put the phone aside. He took Yuzuru's hand from his forearm and kissed his fingers. "People are going to talk about us. Our families will have to deal with that too."

Yuzuru's fingertips brushed over Javier's cheek as he pondered the thought. "You think I must call my parents before we leave? I don't think _my sister_ looks at your Instagram."

"You probably should. At least one of us should get out of this without a lecture." Javier groaned and stretched before he finally kicked the blanket away and rolled out of bed. "I'm gonna take a shower now or we'll never make it to the arena in time."

Yuzuru launched himself across the mattress and held Javier back by the wrist. "It will be okay. We can do this."

Javier looked down at him, lying there in a slightly contorted position with the blanket half shoved into his face. In a weird and yet adorable way, he reminded him of a baby seal on an ice floe. Javier smiled quietly and let himself get pulled down for a kiss before he disappeared into the bathroom.


	17. Reflection

Yuzuru glanced at a clock on the wall as he walked down the corridor in the backstage area of the arena, pulling along the trolley bag with his equipment and training clothes. Javier was only a few steps behind him. He was sure that they were punctual. But there was a strange vibe in the air, almost as if people had been urgently waiting for them to finally arrive. He peeked into the press room as they passed by on their way to the locker room. Either the room had gotten smaller over night, or there were a lot more people here today than there were yesterday. _'Hey, watch it!'_ he heard Javier yell from behind. Yuzuru barely managed to stop before he'd stumble over a cardboard box full of multicolored rubber balls. 'Crap, I've forgotten about those,' he thought and shoved the box aside with one foot so it would no longer stand in the middle of the corridor. Kanako had thought it would be fun to have the skaters sign the balls and then throw them into the audience at the end of the show. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but right now he dreaded the thought of having to sign a good dozen of these before he could go to practice.

"Hey, sweet cheeks!" Javier whistled through his teeth. "Where are you going?" He nodded towards the locker room door when Yuzuru turned his head. He looked like his mind had taken a separate taxi to another part of town. "You okay?" Javier asked and held the door open for Yuzuru.

"Yeah. Just tired."

"You sure?"

"I said I'm fine!" 

Yuzuru cleared his throat as he quickly scanned the room that was far from empty, and of course all eyes were on him right now. He bowed slightly and mumbled some morning greetings before he went looking for a vacant locker.

Javier said hello to everyone and exchanged a few words as he followed Yuzuru across the room. Luckily the others all had enough sense not to involve them in any kind of meaningful conversation right now. Yuzuru's brusque entrance had made sure of that. Javier sat down on the bench next to Yuzuru, who had already opened his bag and spread it on the floor before his feet. "Do you want to do this together?" he asked, hoping that Yuzuru would understand that he wasn't talking about unpacking his bag. Like most of the other skaters, they both had separate interviews scheduled before the show. Just the usual fluff pieces Japanese media loved to do for this kind of event. Or at least that's what was supposed to happen.

"No, we do it normal." Yuzuru bent down until his chest laid flat on his thighs. He rummaged around in his bag, looking for who knows what. He himself seemed to have forgotten about it already and just shuffled things from left to right, keeping his fingers busy. He felt Javier's hand lie on the small of his back and then soothingly run up and down his spine. He took a breath before he finally sat up again. "I think it's better we do this alone," he whispered. "It looks different when we go in together. I think that's too much for first time."

Javier still had his arm loosely swung around Yuzuru's waist. "Are you scared?"

"Of course not."

"Well... I am."

Yuzuru leaned against him. "No, you're not. You're just nervous, like before competitions. It's good, it keeps you sharp."

"You're not afraid I could say something stupid?"

"Nah, I'm used to that." He chuckled when Javier nudged him so hard, he nearly shoved him off the bench. "It will be okay. We can do this."

"Yeah," Javier considerably lowered his voice, "I just wish we could do it together."

Yuzuru's hand hovered for a moment before he put it on Javier's leg. It was silly, really, that he even hesitated like that. The other guys in the locker room didn't pay much attention to them, and for the most part they in turn didn't seem to notice that they weren't alone here. Yuzuru wondered how this could've happened so quickly, how them openly acting like a couple was now, just like that, _'normal'_ all of a sudden. He still couldn't picture themselves kissing in public, or even just walking down a street hand in hand. But with this, right here, right now, he felt comfortable.

"You leave tomorrow." Yuzuru laughed, stubbornly ignoring how artificial and forced it sounded. "You maybe must explain it alone to someone on your trip. Today will be good practice." He patted Javier's knee and then quickly got up. "Come on, we must get ready or we'll be late."

 

It took a while until they saw each other again after the interviews. Javier had gone back to the locker room to wait for him, but Yuzuru never showed up. Javier lost track of the time while he got talking with some of the guys. They'd already spent several days together, but there was always some kind of small talk topic that could be revisited: skating practice, new programs, other shows or jobs they did during the year, video games, food, the latest movie or band they were into. The usual inquiries about how one's family was doing, and someone always had a younger sibling who was also a skater. Some conversations inevitably moved on to relationship questions: how was the girlfriend doing, who got married, who will get married. 

And then people started to mention that Instagram post. Some interrogations were more subtle than others. _When had they even started dating? The rumors that had been around years ago, those were actually all true? Hadn't somebody mentioned that Yuzu dated that girl just a few months ago, what was her name...? Wasn't it weird to train with your boyfriend and then compete against him for the same spot on the podium?_ Javier was surprised that all these questions hadn't come up before. Everyone involved with the show had known about them for a couple of days already, but only very few had actually approached them directly. It was like posting that picture had broken some kind of spell, like making their relationship public this way was a form of initiation rite. Now the floodgates were open, and the unknown on the other side of the wall was free to waltz into their lives.

"Must be difficult, though, huh?" someone said almost in passing, and at first Javier didn't even understand what he was being asked. "Long-distance relationships always take a toll. I've been there."

Javier grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, I've been there too." He laughed and made a face that was one part monkey and one part Picasso painting before he elegantly steered the conversation towards a more pleasant topic.

He still hadn't seen Yuzuru again when finally someone reminded him that he needed to be at the rink in a couple of minutes, and suddenly the scales fell from his eyes. He really should've thought about that earlier.  
Yuzuru didn't notice him when Javier stepped onto the ice. He was skating at the other end of the rink, absentmindedly practicing some steps, conscious of his surroundings only so much that he didn't crash into any other skaters. Javier skated towards the middle of the rink, always staying close to the boards, keeping an eye on Yuzuru as he watched him do those turns and twizzles. "Not bad," he said loud enough to be heard when Yuzuru finally took a break. "That looked even better than yesterday."

Yuzuru's face lit up. He clasped his hands behind his back and bowed while he glided towards Javier. "Where were you? I waited for you?"

"In the locker room. I thought you'd wait for me there."

"Sorry. After interviews I just... want to come here and do something. Just skate."

Javier smiled at the way Yuzuru positioned himself right next to him: leaning against the boards, standing just close enough to make their bodies brush against each other from time to time. "So how did it go?"

Yuzuru sighed. "They ask about you. Of course. I tell them... well, I just say something like what we write last night. And I say I don't want to talk about private questions, because it's private and I don't talk about that. And they stop asking."

Javier squeaked a noise of honest surprise. "Seriously? They just stopped?"

Yuzuru's head twitched, a bitter smirk on his lips. "No. I must say it _three times_." Judging from the sound of his voice, he seemed to think that making him say it three times was exactly three times too often because a simple glare should've sufficed to settle the matter once and for all. Given his track record of death-glares, that was not an unreasonable assumption on his part. Yuzuru hit him in the arm when Javier wouldn't stop laughing. "What about you? What did you say?"

Javier still had a hard time letting his chuckles fade out. He caught Yuzuru's hand when he tried to hit him again. "I told them there's only one thing they need to know: that I love you more than anything, and that you're the best thing that ever happened to me." He felt Yuzuru's fingers tense within the gently grip of his hand. "Hm, that's actually two things. That was silly of me."

"You didn't really answer like that, did you?"

Javier ran the toe pick of his skate into the ice. "At first I didn't. But they kept asking. They weren't pushy, they were really polite about it but I just..." The other skaters on the ice caught Javier's eye, and it made him let go of Yuzuru's hand. "I'm sorry. That's exactly what you asked me not to do, and I go and do it at the very first interview. Great start, I know. Good job, Javier." He was about to apologize again when Yuzuru suddenly slung both arms around his neck. A soft sigh tickled Javier's ear. "You're not mad at me?"

"I'm not," he mumbled and already let go again, moving away before Javier had a chance to fully return the embrace.

Javier had genuine trouble to think of a proper response. They had talked about this, and not just once or twice. Yuzuru had made it clear that there was a certain standard of decorum he wished to honor and uphold. And that didn't just mean that the public exchange of intimacies would be reduced to a bare minimum for the rest of eternity, but that there were also things that shouldn't be talked about this openly in public. "You're serious? You're not mad?"

"No. I asked you to be someone you're not. I'm sorry about that."

"But I get it, really. I know that I shouldn't..."

"Yeah, you should. And you didn't say anything wrong. You have your own answers, you don't need mine." Yuzuru let his index finger run over Javier's cheek and nudged his chin. "And I can't get mad at you when you say that you love me."

* * * * *

The second and therefore last show was just as much of a success as the first one had been. From the get-go everything appeared to run perfectly. It was like none of them could set a foot wrong tonight, and even the audience sounded about twice as ecstatic as it had the day before. They laughed and cheered and clapped along with the rhythm of the music, celebrating every performer until their very last move.  
The show was now already coming to an end. All that was left was Yuzuru's solo program, and then some of the younger skaters would entertain the audience with a bit of an interlude while all the others would gather for the big finale. Javier had gone to the rink to see Yuzuru skate one last time. Right after his name had been announced and he'd gone out onto the ice, Javier also sneaked through the thick black curtain that separated the backstage area from the inner part of the arena. He kept to the side, in the shadows, hoping that nobody would notice him standing there. Right now the spotlight was for Yuzuru alone.

The lights got dimmed almost to complete darkness before a single ray of light lit up, concentrating on the figure at the center of the ice. The sound of the piano and the violin softly resounded from the walls, floating through the air before it glided back onto the ice and finally set Yuzuru's body in motion. It looked like he was soaring, like the music lifted him up and carried him through every step. Javier smiled when he landed the quad that he so desperately wanted to put in the program. He wanted to show everyone that he still got it, and he certainly did. Yuzuru came out of a spin, his blades scratching over the ice as he went on to regain speed for the next jump. He landed it like he'd done nothing more than hop over a bug that had gotten lost in the maze of lines on the ice. He wore a loose, long-sleeved shirt that was almost sheer and made the contours of his body clearly discernible. The color gradient of orange and white was as light as every move that he made, and yet the costume was heavily covered with glittering threads and rhinestones, an abundance of sparkles that still couldn't outshine the light that came from within. He floated over the ice, flew through the program like his blades only needed to touch the ground when he landed a jump.

The beam of the floodlights followed him around, never letting go, clinging to his person like this was what they were meant to shine upon. Every move was precisely choreographed, and yet none of it looked rehearsed. His body was merely an extension of the music, an ally to the piano and the violin that told a story without a single word. The orchestra in the background gained power, almost threatening to overwhelm the main players. But it was never able to reach their glow, never could drown them out completely. And so Yuzuru continued his dance, unfazed, unwavering, with firm blades on a slippery surface, his passion for what he did shining through every move and every fiber of his body.

The sound of the orchestra gradually faded away, leaving only the piano and the violin to placidly carry the melody to its last note. Yuzuru took his final pose, again standing tall in the middle of the ice, his arms artfully wrapped around his torso. One last time he moved in perfect unison with the music, gracefully lifting his head in tune with the final chord and directing his gaze at a distant point somewhere far beyond the stars.

The music had stopped. Applause erupted after a brief moment of stunned silence, and Yuzuru then took his bows in every direction. But none of these interruptions could bring Javier to take his eyes off of him, not even as he came skating towards the edge of the ice. 

"You're here." Yuzuru laughed, grabbed him by the hand and dragged him back through the curtain. "You watch me again?" 

Javier stared into his face. He clung to his hand when Yuzuru tried to let go.

"Hey, you okay?" He touched Javier's face with the other hand, his thumb running over his cheekbone. "Are you crying?"

Javier suddenly found himself leaning forward, his lips tightly pressed against Yuzuru's. Somewhere in the back of his head he knew that there were people around them, and that nothing more than a curtain shielded them from the public eye. But his brain had simply jumped out of gear. He broke the kiss and looked to the side when he heard chuckling. Some of the junior skaters stood nearby, their hands covering their mouths and giggling like the school girls that they were. Yuzuru said something in Japanese and shooed them towards the entrance of the rink.

"Sorry." Javier took a step back. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't do that, but... you..." He puffed a laugh, his fingers gliding over the chiffon sleeves of Yuzuru's costume. "You were perfect."

"Oh please. I had a step-out on my last jump." He laughed and shook his head in alleged embarrassment, but all Javier did was take his hand without saying a word and just look at him with that same sense of tacit adoration. Yuzuru attempted one more unsteady chuckle, but in the end he just closed his eyes and nodded lightly. A smile slowly formed on his lips before he took a deep breath, his shoulders and chest heaving in accordance with the sound of the air being driven in and out of his lungs. "I felt free," he whispered and opened his eyes again. He couldn't explain it any better. He'd gone out there to the middle of the ice, he'd heard some whispers and rustling come out of the darkness while he took his starting position. The air around him got flooded with soft colored lights reminiscent of a sunrise, their warmth and brightness being the ultimate contrast to the cold ice underneath his feet. And suddenly the ray of light that was directed at him didn't seem to single him out anymore, but it tried to make him part of the whole. "I don't know what happened. It was just different today."

Javier squeezed his hands. "It was beautiful." Another skater brushed against Javier's back, apologizing for almost bumping into them. Everybody was lining up for the final group number that would end the show for good. They both laughed when they realized that they were standing in the middle of a busy crowd, holding hands and gazing at each other as if reality around them had been put on hold. Javier stepped aside when yet another skater rushed by and threatened to knock him over. They didn't let go of each other's hands as they made their way to the back of the line of skaters. "That must have been some movie," Javier said as they looked for where they needed to stand, "if the soundtrack can make you skate like that. Maybe I should watch it sometime."

Yuzuru grimaced. "I don't think you'll like it. You don't watch movies like that. Too much drama and everybody is a little stupid." He laughed like he was honestly embarrassed to even talk about it. "It's pretty cheesy."

"Then why did you choose that music?"

"Because the music is really beautiful and..." The faint shadow of red on his cheeks could barely be seen in this badly lit corridor. He put one hand on Javier's shoulder and leaned over. "It's just a silly love story," he whispered into his ear and put a peck on his cheek. "You don't have to watch the movie."


	18. Convergence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone ^_^

The last show was done, the last bow taken and the last applause had faded into the silence of the night. The other skaters had been brought back to their hotel, but Javier and Yuzuru had planned to head back to the apartment to get changed and ready. Later they would meet up with the others at the restaurant for the closing party. 

Javier stood in front of the big mirror in the corridor, already wearing his Yukata without having closed it yet. He had the seams of both sides in his hands, holding them open widely to the side. "Leftover rice," he mumbled to himself before he first wrapped the right side around his body and then closed the left side over it.

"You say something?" Yuzuru walked out of the bathroom and into the corridor. He was only wearing his sweatpants and his hair was still a bit wet.

Javier smiled at him through the mirror. "I was just reminding myself how to dress properly."

Yuzuru stepped behind him and laid his chin on Javier's shoulder, inspecting his mirrored image head to toe. "This way it's right. You know how to dress. You only did this wrong one time."

"Yeah, and you shocked me enough to never make that mistake again."

Yuzuru giggled and let his arms slide to the front of Javier's body, slipping one hand underneath the Yukata to tuck the fabric in the correct position. "That looks better." He smiled and stepped away to grab the small belt from the board next to them. "You need help?"

"Couldn't hurt. I haven't done this in a while." Javier watched Yuzuru's hands as they wandered around his body once again. He pulled at the fabric some more before he tied up the small belt to keep the Yukata in place. Then he took the bigger obi belt and diligently wrapped it around Javier's waist as well. He secured it with a knot that was far from complicated, but Javier had never managed to make it look quite as neat as Yuzuru could. "It was fun, though, wasn't it?" Javier asked, making Yuzuru look at him questioningly over his shoulder. "That night at the hotel. When you taught me about Japanese dress code for the first time."

"That night was a mess." Yuzuru laughed and straightened the collar around Javier's neck. He took a step to the side and once again examined his handiwork. "You look very nice in this. I'm sure I have the hottest boyfriend at the party."

"That depends." Javier winked at him before he turned to inspect his backside in the mirror. "Is Toshi gonna be there?"

 

* * * * *

 

It had only been a couple of weeks since Yuzuru had officially joined them for full-time training in Toronto. Javier had to admit that he didn't consider him much of a training mate yet. He was just another student, the new kid in class. And he certainly was still very much a kid, so Javier didn't feel like making much of an effort to get to know him. It wasn't like he desperately needed a new friend, and communicating with Yuzuru was always such a chore. One could talk to him, but not so much with him. Most of the time he would just flat out avoid having long conversations with his fellow students. Or, if somebody was lucky enough to get past the first two sentences, then all Yuzuru would do in turn was smile and nod and say "yeah", even though he hadn't understood a single word. He was always nice and polite, of course, and Javier got along with him well enough during training. But occasionally helping each other up after a fall, that had been the height of their personal relationship so far.

That year they had both been invited to a few summer ice shows in Japan. Those shows were always fun and paid good money, so of course they both accepted several invitations. They had attended events together before, mostly competitions, but Javier had never paid too much attention to the skinny Japanese kid in the flashy costumes. And compared to what he'd observed over the last couple of weeks at the Cricket Club, the guy he saw here in Japan now was a completely different person. Yuzuru seemed to blossom in this environment where he obviously felt safe and understood. Or maybe it was the other way around, maybe this was his true nature, and the kid who showed up for training at the club day after day, that was not the real Yuzuru. Javier couldn't help but think that this side of him was much more intriguing than anything he'd seen of him so far, and that he wouldn't mind to get to know this other Yuzuru.

Javier had been to Japan plenty of times over the years, be it for competitions or other skating related events, and he had always enjoyed his time here. He liked the country, the contrast between tradition and modernism, the people and their customs, and the food. Most of all he liked the food. But for some reason, in all those years, he'd never found an opportune moment to do one of those things that were inherently Japanese and that should supposedly be experienced by everyone who ever got a chance to visit Japan: Javier had never been to an onsen. The hotel where they were accommodated was said to have some nice bathing facilities, and Javier was determined to not let another chance slip away.

However, he did see one major problem with his plan, because despite his desire to visit an onsen, he actually wasn't very versed in the whole ritual this entailed. He knew that there were rules that needed to be followed, and he also knew that the chance of him breaking those rules was about as high as the chance of him getting wet in the water. From his various visits to Japan he had certainly learned one thing: no matter how much he knew, there would always be an infinite number of possibilities left to make a fool of himself. Visiting a traditional bath without exactly knowing what he was doing, that certainly sounded like an excellent opportunity to embarrass himself. Doing that while being buck-naked would most likely add to the pleasure.

"Would you come with me?" he ultimately found himself asking while standing in Yuzuru's hotel room late at night. He'd just spent about three minutes explaining the whole situation to him, very slowly and as simply as he possibly could. It really was never easy to find the right tone with him. Javier knew that it was best to keep things short and to the point when talking to Yuzuru in English, but at the same time he didn't want to come across as condescending or patronizing. He'd observed other people talk to Yuzuru like he was some kind of mentally challenged puppy dog. The height of impudence was when people started to speak noticeably louder, like not understanding a foreign language was the equivalent of a hearing impairment. Javier had always thought it beyond rude to treat him like that.

"You want go onsen?" Yuzuru asked with an accent so thick, Javier still had a hard time to fully understand it all the time. "You want... I come?"

"That sums it up perfectly." Javier was immediately confronted with the usual combination of a polite smile and very confused eyes. "Yes, that's what I want. Can you do that?"

"Sure. Onsen is fun," Yuzuru agreed right away, smiling from ear to ear. "At night? After eating?"

"Yes, that would be great."

Yuzuru stared at him silently for a moment, his lips undecided if they should open or close. "We alone?"

"Well, I guess we could ask the others if they want to..."

"No, alone is good," Yuzuru added quickly, his tongue almost tumbling over the letters.

 

They knew that they had to do this in the days to come, because they wouldn't have time for it on the weekend when the actual ice shows took place. So they agreed that Yuzuru would pick him up at his room the very next evening. When Javier opened the door for him, he didn't even get a chance to say hello, because Yuzuru almost immediately started laughing. "You wear that?" he giggled, shaking his head and pointing at Javier in his jeans and T-shirt. Javier caught up pretty quickly, seeing as Yuzuru was standing in the doorway wearing the blue Yukata and the fluffy white sandals the hotel provided for guests.

"Of course not. I just got here 10 minute ago. I had no time to change yet." When Yuzuru smirked and said 'Yeah', Javier wasn't sure if it was because he hadn't understood or because he hadn't bought that lame excuse. "Come in. I'll get changed and then we can leave."

When Javier opened one of the drawers to take out the Yukata, he suddenly regretted the decision to invite Yuzuru in, and for a second he seriously considered getting changed in the bathroom. On the other hand, they were about to embark on a wondrous journey to a misty land filled with hot springs and uncountable bare ass naked men. So really, this shouldn't be a big deal. And it wasn't like they had never shared a locker room, the last time being merely a couple of hours ago.

Javier remembered the day when Yuzuru had shown up for his first full training session at the Cricket Club. He'd made quite an impression on everyone, including Javier. The moment his blades had hit the ice, there hadn't been one person left in the whole rink who'd been able to keep their eyes off of him. But as much as Javier recalled the immediate fascination he'd felt for the new boy's skating, he would also never forget what had happened later on in the changing room. It was a room designated for changing one's clothes and, if needed, take a shower or do whatever else was necessary to rid their bodies of the stench of training. So it wasn't unusual to run into half-naked men there. _Half-naked_ being the operative word, since usually around here it was customary for people to merely strip down to their underwear before heading to the shower room, and usually they came back with said towel firmly wrapped around their waists. But on that day, when Javier had walked back into the locker room after training, the first thing he'd seen was Yuzuru, who had left the ice a couple of minutes before him. He'd stood at the other side of the room, stark naked, hunched over his bag and fishing for a towel. When he noticed Javier, he laughed and waved at him before he threw the towel over his shoulder and practically danced across the room to get to the showers. Javier had managed to return his smile and give him a little wave. "It's a locker room, it's cool, it's not weird at all," he'd told himself, yet he couldn't help but smirk when he saw the way the others guys looked after Yuzuru. Nobody had expected to see quite as much of the new fellow on his first day. 

This hotel room had a slightly different atmosphere than a locker room, though. But Yuzuru was busy inspecting the wallpaper anyway. He was so obvious in his attempt to look anywhere but in Javier's direction, he might as well have stood in the corner with a curtain over his head. While Yuzuru's eyes now traced the pattern on the carpet, Javier quickly dropped his clothes and slipped over the new garment. He turned around to look for the belt that he had left on the dresser, when suddenly he heard Yuzuru gasp before he practically jumped at him, ripping his robe open again. Javier was too stunned to even react in any way. He just stood there with his arms raised to the side, staring back at the guy that kept holding his Yukata widely open. "Did... did I do something wrong?" he finally asked with a lopsided smile.

"Oh, sorry, so sorry." Yuzuru slapped one hand over his mouth and took a step back, bending his back into an apologetic bow.

Javier's fingers clumsily hovered over the seams of the Yukata, reducing the gap that still exposed his naked body. "What did I do?"

Yuzuru raised his hands but pulled them back right away. Suddenly he seemed highly reluctant to touch Javier again, and so he just gestured around, stuttering unintelligible gibberish. Javier obviously didn't speak Japanese miming, but when he attempted to fully close his robe for the second time, Yuzuru gasped again and more Japanese words bubbled out of him like water from an overboiling kettle. Only after a nod from Javier, that was partly reassuring and partly just plain irritated, Yuzuru finally stepped back towards him. He took both sides of the Yukata and firmly closed one over the other. "This," he mumbled almost inaudible, casting down his eyes as he let one hand glide over Javier's chest. "This out. Important." Javier looked at Yuzuru's hand that was still on his abdomen, holding the fabric together. He replaced the unfamiliar hand with his own when Yuzuru let go to pick up the belt that had fallen onto the floor. He handed it to Javier with a soft smile that seemed genuinely friendly, and yet his eyes couldn't hide the immense embarrassment that obviously still clutched his heart. Javier had no idea what was going on, but he found all this strangely endearing.

They took the elevator up to the 20th floor where the bathing facilities were located. The doors opened and Yuzuru marched right ahead, making his way through the building like he'd been here a million times before, only briefly stopping to have a look at some signs on the wall. Javier didn't even mind that Yuzuru barely acknowledged his presence and only sometimes gave a signal to follow him. He had long decided that he would just do as he was told without argument. After all, that was why he'd asked Yuzuru to come along. 

They went down the corridor towards the men's bathing area. The upper part of the entrance was covered by a dark-blue cloth with a huge Japanese character painted on it. The two halves of the thick cloth quietly closed behind them after they'd passed through. Javier's pulse quickened. He'd already managed to screw up in his room five minutes ago, and God only knew how many more opportunities for personal humiliation still awaited him.

They walked into a room where the walls were covered with shelves, containing small boxes made of raffia. Yuzuru still didn't talk much, he mainly just pointed at things, occasionally mumbling something that sounded more Japanese than English. Javier simply mimicked Yuzuru's every move and took off his clothes and shoes, leaving him with nothing on but his birthday suit. Like Yuzuru, he kept only a small towel in his hand when he followed him towards the sliding door at the other end of the room. To Javier it felt a little bit like playing a real life video game: behind every door there was a new and more difficult level, a new challenge and an invisible monster that threatened to jump out of a corner and bite him into his naked ass.

They found two unoccupied washing stations next to each other and sat down on the little wooden stools, facing the unfriendly mirror on the wall. Javier was glad that he could keep an inconspicuous eye on his seatmate without feeling creepy about it. After all, it was just Yuzuru. Javier knew that, before they could enter the actual bath, they were supposed to scrub, scrub, scrub until there wasn't a skin cell left that hadn't been cleaned within an inch of its life. But every time he thought that they were done, it seemed like Yuzuru started the whole procedure all over again, going back at it with the soap and the wash cloth one more time. Javier wouldn't have dreamed about doing anything but following his lead, even if it meant to scrub, scrub, scrub himself down to his bones. Shortly before he had to switch from his birthday suit to a Jack Skeleton impression, it seemed like Yuzuru was finally satisfied with his level of cleanliness. "You finish?" Yuzuru asked once he had tidied up his station and put all the bottles, buckets and whatever else he had used back into the right place. Javier could just about stop himself from saying that he'd been ready about two layers of skin ago. 

Yuzuru walked over to one of the pools and dropped his towel on a corner in front of it, then signaled Javier to do the same. He made a short hissing noise and mumbled something as he slowly descended into the water. Javier didn't understand him, but as soon as his foot hit the water, he realized that it must've been Japanese for _'hot as hell'_. But since he had scrubbed his skin to a point where most nerve endings in his body were pretty much dead anyway, there was no use in stopping now. So he gathered all his courage and bravely immerged until the water covered him up to his waist. He was a little proud of himself. Javier slowly waded over to Yuzuru and sat down next to him with his back leaned against the wall, at a distance that seemed appropriate. He dared to sink down a bit deeper when the hot water gradually became less bothersome. It was like the heat first needed to break through an initial barrier, but once it had overcome that superficial outside layer of his skin, it was able to soak into his bones and down to his very core. Javier had never felt his body get so heavy and relaxed. It was a strange new sensation, but it sure was something that he could get used to.

"This is nice," he mumbled, more to himself than to Yuzuru. They hadn't spoken a word since they'd left the washing stations a couple of minutes ago. Some of the other men around them were merrily chatting away though, which had seemed strange to Javier ever since they'd entered the room. He had expected this to be a place of tranquility, where everybody would just silently soak and relax. But there were all kinds of people around here. Some sat in a corner, minding their own business, and others were quietly talking while striving to not bother any of the other guests. 

"Thank you for coming with me. I'm sure alone I would have made a complete idiot of myself." Javier nudged Yuzuru's arm underneath the water. For a second he worried that naked touching might be another no-go around here, but if it was, then Yuzuru didn't let it show. "Will you ever tell me what I did wrong?" he asked, but Yuzuru didn't seem to get it. "In my room. When you..." Javier mimicked the scene of how he had that Yukata nearly pried from his body, and judging by Yuzuru's attempt to imitate a lobster, he had apparently understood this time. 

Yuzuru shifted around, stirring up the water and causing small waves to ripple the quiet surface around them. "It was wrong," he mumbled. Or at least Javier assumed that this was what he had just muttered, because it was unlikely that he had said 'egg wash long'.

"I just don't know what exactly I did wrong. I don't want to make the same mistake again."

Yuzuru chewed on his lower lip. Water drops quietly dripped onto the surface when he lifted his arm to scratch the back of his neck. "You make... wrong side," he said hesitantly, looking like he would've preferred for an evil witch to appear and steal his voice entirely. Yuzuru put on his thinking face, the one that came with severe cheek-gymnastics and dancing eyebrows, until finally a surely grumble rose up to his lips. "You make this," he uttered even more unintelligibly than before, his left hand simultaneously moving across his chest. "But you must first right."

"You mean when I close it?" he checked back, and Yuzuru nodded when Javier's hands in turn imitated the same gesture. Javier faintly remembered that he'd been told something like that before, about how a Yukata needed to be worn and which side of the robe had to be on the outside. He'd never paid much attention to it. He'd only ever worn these things in the privacy of his hotel rooms here in Japan, and there was rarely somebody around to criticize tiny details of his wardrobe arrangement. At least nobody who cared enough. "You looked upset when I did it wrong. Is that really so important?"

"Yes, important." Yuzuru's speaking voice had reverted to more of a groan and he tensely rolled his shoulders. "Wrong is not good. We only make it... for dead person... not for you. You can't."

On a confusion scale from 1 to 10, Javier was about to hit a 12, but he didn't ask anymore. He got that vibe from Yuzuru again, as if he was annoyed that someone insisted to carry on a conversation beyond the first sentence. "Okay. I'll try to remember that from now on." From the way Yuzuru sighed, Javier could tell that a huge burden had fallen off his shoulders. He silently nodded at Javier before he sunk down again, letting the water swallow him up to his neck. Their exchange had barely lasted two minutes, but Yuzuru looked utterly exhausted. "Why do you never want to talk to me?" Javier wasn't sure why he even asked. He just knew that it was a question he'd wanted to ask him for weeks, and this seemed as good a time as any. 

Yuzuru slowly turned his head towards him. "It's... hard. I don't... I don't know words." Yuzuru's face showed contortions that were even weirder than his usual thinking-face exercises. If grimacing was in any way related to brain activity, then Yuzuru must've been a rare genius. "I talk bad. It's shame," he finally simplified when he couldn't think of a better way to say it.

Javier leaned over, completely unimpressed by the way Yuzuru abruptly shied away from him. "Dude, you tried to rip off my clothes, then we got naked together and hopped into the same bath. There's nothing left to be ashamed of." Javier winked at him, making Yuzuru's eyes widen even more. "And I see you make stupid mistakes in training every single day. You really shouldn't be embarrassed in front of me anymore." Javier sunk down, leaned his neck against the corner of the pool and closed his eyes. He felt Yuzuru's continuous stare even more than the hot water on his skin. He could only hope that the little twitch around the corner of his mouth wasn't too revealing. Javier let him brood for a while longer before he opened one eye and looked back up at him.

"I know help. To remember. For Yukata." Yuzuru scootched a bit closer, adapting the distance to the quiet tone of his voice. "In class for English, they tell help to remembering. Leftover rice."

Javier silently blinked at him. Yuzuru had been talking even slower than usual, but Javier could tell that he was making a sincere effort right now. What he couldn't remember was if Yuzuru had ever been the one to initiate a conversation between them. Javier tried his best not to appear like he hadn't understood a word of what he was saying, as that would've been an extremely bad start for this new endeavor. Unfortunately he had precisely zero idea what Yuzuru was talking about, and the problem with his Japanese accent didn't do anything to improve the situation. 

"You eat," Yuzuru continued with a newfound confidence, apparently unfazed by the fact that he needed to explain himself some more. He seemed determined. Javier knew that look on his face, but he'd never seen it any other place than when they were training on the ice. "You eat, but not eat all. It's leftover. Yes? Understand?" 

The honest answer would've been that Javier had no clue at all how leftover rice was in any way related to clothing. Several times Yuzuru repeated the words as well as the crossing-motion with his hands in front of his chest, and then it finally hit him. "Oh, left over right," Javier chimed in with a laugh so triumphant, he might as well have announced that he'd just successfully squared a circle. "Yeah. I might actually remember that."

Yuzuru clapped with his fingertips and smiled so broadly, it made his eyes almost disappear from his face.

"Hey," Javier raised an eyebrow, "are you making fun of me?" To his delight, Yuzuru's fingers froze instantly. "You think I'll remember it better when it's about food?" He laughed and poked Yuzuru under water again. What he hadn't seen coming was that Yuzuru poked him right back this time.

"You always think food." He smirked and dug the tip of his index finger even deeper into Javier's stomach.

"How would you know? We only see each other during training."

"Without food you get..." He leaned sideways against the edge of the pool, staring at the milky water like it was magical alphabet soup that would arrange the letters correctly for him. "...cranky," he finally finished, though it still sounded like the sentence had ended with at least half a question mark. "When you not have food, everybody know. And Brian always buy you..." Yuzuru lifted his hands again, trying to let his fingers describe what he couldn't express with words.

"A cereal bar?"

"Yes, that. When you're cranky, Brian always buy sili... sililal... food. Brian buy food to you." 

Yuzuru's giggles still sounded a bit embarrassed, but for the most part he seemed to be just amused by himself. Javier watched him submerge deeper into the water again. Yuzuru's smirk had softened to a warm smile, and there was something in his eyes, something about the way he looked up at him... Javier couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew that he'd never seen him like this before. 

He shook his head when Yuzuru sunk down so far, the water reached his bottom lip. "Are you actually comfortable?" Javier asked and pointed at the line the water surface drew on his abdomen. "I'm boiling from here on down." 

"Too hot?"

"I feel like a noodle in ramen soup."

Yuzuru's chortling swirled up the water like the propeller of a motor boat. He coughed when some of it got into his mouth. "I'm sorry. We here too long."

"Not your fault."

"You don't know. I be careful for you." Javier would've protested, had he known what he should say to this. He didn't quite agree with the sentiment that he needed to be taken care of, but the sincere tone of concern in Yuzuru's voice had come as a bit of a surprise. "Too much hot bad for you." Yuzuru made Javier stand up, gently pushing him forward to get out of the water. They picked up their towels and walked towards the exit, but just when they were about to approach the door, Yuzuru's steps slowed down. "You... you like here?" He elaborately scratched his cheek and kept his face slightly turned downwards. "Or not good? You want not come back?" 

And there it was again, that tone that had been absent from his voice the last few minutes, the way he slurred every other word as if his life depended on swallowing them whole. Javier would really have liked to know which button he needed to push to turn this off once and for all. "No, I liked it, this was fun. We should do it again sometime."

"Tomorrow? We can have time tomorrow night."

Javier was tempted to laugh. Was there any way for him to make heads or tails of this guy? This whole evening with Yuzuru had been like a contrast bath, like jumping from a boiling onsen into a pool of ice water. One minute he was outgoing and unafraid to open up, until suddenly this scared little puppy returned, trying to use English-like sounds to communicate. And now, out of nowhere, this other guy stood there again, looking back at Javier with that sweet, shy smile and those eyes that were so full of power and determination, and yet seemed to beg not to be rejected. The sliding door next to them opened and several other men entered the bath, politely waiting until the two of them had cleared the way. Yuzuru briefly vanished from his sight as they passed. But when he reappeared, Javier couldn't stop his eyes from looking him over head to toe, seeing right past the naked form and only looking at the young man he had met for the very first time today. "Sure, Yuzu. Tomorrow night. I would love that."


	19. Temporary

Javier and Yuzuru arrived at the restaurant for the closing party right on time, yet it seemed like not everybody had been able to accomplish that feat. The only other familiar face they found there was Kanako's, who shooed the staff around in what could be considered a sort of polite manner. "Where is everybody?" Javier asked as they entered the main room.

Kanako kept fiddling with the decorations on one of the tables. "They come soon, I hope. Bus is late."

"Are you sure you didn't just come early to torture some poor waitresses?"

" _You_ come early to torture _me_?"

"Yes. You're welcome." Javier ducked away when Kanako pretended to throw parts of the flower arrangement at him. "Is Toshi not here?"

"He still works. He comes later."

"Good, then my face is in no danger of getting kicked." He swiftly leaned over, surprising her with a kiss on the cheek. "You look very pretty tonight."

Her blushing cheeks gave her away. Her smile was almost shy as her hand brushed over the hair ornament she had pinned securely behind her ear and which was a perfect match for the hibiscus flowers on her pale pink kimono. "You look nice too," she finally mumbled and poked Javier in the arm. 

He couldn't resist to strike a pose. He did feel rather grand in the Yukata that he hadn't been able to wear in such a long time. "Thank you. I can't take all the credit. I had some help getting dressed."

Kanako rolled her eyes at Yuzuru, giving him the regular _'Why would he even tell me that?'_ look. 

"No no, not that," Yuzuru quickly replied in Japanese and calmingly raised his hands. "He _literally_ just means that I helped him get dressed. Otherwise he would've looked like a Christmas present that got wrapped by a five-year-old."

"Well," Kanako smiled sweetly and looked from one to the other, "he certainly looks like something a five-year-old would pick out as a present."

Javier took a breath, having been tipped off by that tone in her voice. But in the end he only laughed. "I'll just assume that you said something incredibly nice about me."

"Of course she did," Yuzuru sighed, joining in with a smile. "Is everything ready or do you need our help for anything?"

Kanako's eyes wandered down for a moment. It seemed as if Yuzuru hadn't even noticed how his hand had found Javier's, their fingertips hovering around each other, not quite ready to actually grab a hold. "No, thanks. Everything is ready." She looked over his shoulder and out the window where she saw the bus with the other skaters finally park on the opposite side of the street.

Javier turned his head and followed her gaze. "Thank God. I'm starving."

 

* * * * *

 

Right after dinner, while everybody was still seated, Yuzuru got encouraged to make a 'spontaneous' speech. Naturally he first pretended to not care for the sudden attention, and the others in turn pretended not to know that hearing himself talk was at least in the top five of his most favorite hobbies. Yuzuru didn't bother to play coy for very long when he got asked to the improvised stage at the center of the room. He thanked everyone for coming, for working hard and doing their best during the whole week. The part he said in Japanese was naturally about three times as long as the part he said in English, but he did his utmost to include everyone. 

"Aren't you going to apologize?" Javier hollered through the polite applause that ensued in the end.

"For what?"

"For being a pain in the ass all week."

"I wasn't..."

"The lights were too bright, the music too loud, the camera angle wrong, then the lights were too dark and the mu..."

"Okay, okay, I got it." Everyone laughed when Yuzuru bit his lip, an embarrassed grin flashing over his face. He bowed down so low, his nose almost touched his knees and babbled all those well-known apologies before he finally hurried back to his table.

"Good job, cariño." Javier chuckled and laid one arm around his shoulders when Yuzuru sat back down. The overt glances from all around didn't go unnoticed. It was as if even the walls had eyes. Strangely enough, though, Javier found that he didn't particularly mind. For a huge part of his life, countless people had observed him closely, watching his every move when he was on the ice, following his private activities, taking an interest in who he associated with and even who he loved. He knew that many people now looked at them differently, yet he couldn't help but wonder why he didn't feel all that much different from before.

Yuzuru patted the hand that was still lying on his shoulder. "I wasn't so bad, was I?"

"Everybody knows what they get into when they want to work with you. Don't worry, it's the price we happily pay so we're allowed to stay in your presence."

"Well," he breathed a whisper that was no less than a 9.5 on the sultry scale, "I'm very sorry. I didn't know I'm so expensive."

"You're precious and you know it."

Kanako's groan from the other side of the table was about as subtle as Godzilla taking a stroll through the center of Tokyo. "I just ate. Don't make me barf."

 

The evening turned out to be a complete success, which didn't come as much of a surprise to anybody who knew anything about Kanako's meticulous party planning efforts. The casual social mingling she had scheduled for the second half of the evening of course also went down as well as it possibly could. Yuzuru and Javier certainly enjoyed these carefree times with their friends and fellows, albeit they wouldn't have minded to actually spend a little more time with each other. There was no longer a need to find silly excuses if they wanted to be together, and yet it seemed harder than ever to find a moment for themselves.

Half way through the night Yuzuru felt like he desperately needed a break from it all. Many of the people here could only be called his 'friends' by the broadest of definitions of the term. But nearly all of them had been pulling at him left and right for hours on end. He should be used to it, but somehow it still bothered him. Maybe because he himself would never be so bold as to pry into another person's private life unless he knew them very, very well. Maybe because he was sick of answering and dodging the same questions over and over again. Whatever it was, he was getting tired of it. And if he heard just one more joke about how he and Javier should team up for same-sex pairs skating...

Yuzuru's eyes wandered around the room, trying to figure out the most efficient escape route when he saw Kanako standing alone by a table in the corner. Perhaps the fair maiden could be his knight in shining armor for a little while and protect him from all these social predators. He tried to get to her, but after only a few steps he already got ambushed again. By now he wondered if there were secret bunkers underneath the floor tiles, allowing people to lie in waiting until he let his guard down for just long enough so they could jump at him. It took about 30 seconds until Javier's name came up for the first time. Yuzuru thought about bringing a pre-printed answer sheet to the next event he needed to attend, as that would at least move things along faster. Yuzuru and his latest conversation partner both turned their heads when Kanako hollered from across the room and waved him over. She'd never looked more like a life raft than at this very moment, and Yuzuru didn't hesitate to politely excuse himself and go over to her.

"Thanks for the rescue."

"You looked like you needed it. What's wrong? I thought you'd learned years ago how to say _no_ to people."

"These people are guests. So for now, the excessively polite me is permitted to prevail." He laughed at her eye-rolling. "Don't worry, I'll be back to my old self tomorrow."

"Speaking of which," Kanako grabbed the fancy cocktail glass with her fruit smoothie from the table, "Javi's leaving tomorrow, isn't he?"

Yuzuru fought the urge to unpack his more resistant self right now instead of waiting another day. "Yeah, he's got a flight before noon."

Kanako took a sip from her glass. "And you just let him leave like that?"

He knew that she could see him from the corner of her eye, but it didn't matter much that Yuzuru's stare was soon about to pierce her skull. "It's no big deal. He's going to be back in two weeks."

"For what, like three days?"

"Five."

"Oh well, that's... yeah, that's a lot, like almost a whole week."

"It's plenty considering... what are you getting at?"

"Nothing. I just think you could ask him to stay here, that's all."

"You do remember the concept of adulthood, yes? It's that time in life when you have to fulfill responsibilities and can't just always do what you feel like."

Kanako smiled and batted her eyes at him before she ostentatiously put the end of the straw between her lips. She startled at the sudden slurping noise as she sucked the last bits of juice from the bottom of the glass. "You should still ask him to stay."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"If the answer is _'because you're an idiot'_ then yeah, I do know why."

"This has nothing to do with... that's his work, his life, I can't just..." He faltered midsentence, stopping abruptly like someone had punched him in the chest and knocked the wind right out of him. It took him a second to catch his breath. "If I ask him to stay... I'm afraid he might really do it." He'd known that his voice would come out as little more than a whisper before he had even opened his mouth. He didn't mind that. What frightened him was the undertone, that tinge of sadness that reminded him of the sense of self-pity that he hated so much about himself. "It's selfish. I can't put him in that position."

Kanako kept twisting the straw between her fingertips. "You haven't talked to him about it, have you? You're just making assumptions, like always, but you've never given him a chance to actually answer any of your questions."

"I need something to drink." Yuzuru had no idea from where he'd summoned the courage to just turn his back on her and walk over to the bar. He knew there was a good chance that Kanako might look for the next food tray, grab a sushi roll and throw it at his head. But nothing of the likes happened. He asked the waitress for a glass of water, and when he looked back over his shoulder, the spot at the corner table was vacant, the empty cocktail glass the only reminder of Kanako's presence. Before he could overthink her sudden disappearance, someone else's hand got laid into his own.

"Hey, there you are." Javier squeezed Yuzuru's fingers. "The girls are killing me. I think I've taken more selfies in the last 10 minutes than I did the whole last year."

"Then you're lucky that you look good tonight."

"Thanks a lot for making that sound like an insult." Javier laughingly poked him in the shoulder. "I'm not enough for them. I guess we're better clickbait as a couple now. Do you have a minute? They're really driving me crazy."

Yuzuru's eyes wandered around the room, still looking for Kanako. He should at least apologize for ditching her like that. "Yeah, sure, but... I come in a minute, okay?"

"Can you hurry? I'm not sure I'll make it out alive a second time."

Yuzuru let his hand glide over the seam that ran across Javier's chest. "Charm them. You can do that, yes?"

"Let's hope so. At least until you come to my rescue." Javier caressed his neck and let his thumb brush over Yuzuru's cheek before he turned to leave. Yuzuru looked after him, watched him become part of the jolly crowd that filled the adjacent room. All those people. Sometimes they ceased to look like individual entities but appeared as nothing but a collection of colors, forms and sounds that would devour anyone who crossed the threshold into their territory. Yuzuru felt the weight of the glass of water that he still held in his hand. He wanted to drop it and just go after him, follow him into this joyous abyss that fascinated him as much as it terrified him.

"Just go with him then."

Yuzuru had nearly jumped out of his skin when he'd suddenly heard Kanako's voice right next to himself. "Geez, where the hell... what did you say?"

"I said go. If he's not staying, then just go with him."

"I can't. I just told you a minute ago that it's more complicated than..."

"Well, you don't have to wait around on my account. There are plenty of people here, I'll find someone else to talk to."

Yuzuru blinked erratically, his eyes wandering between Kanako and the doorway that had absorbed Javier a minute ago. She just kept smiling at him while she casually grabbed another one of those fruity concoctions from a tray. "Are you messing with me?"

"Yeah. Thanks for noticing. I'm starting to run out of hints."

Yuzuru looked at the glass in his hand before he put it back onto the counter. The ambient noise of the party seemed to fade away, like it got drowned by that blank spot within his mind, that black hole of his own making. "He hasn't said anything."

"You two can't put this off forever."

"I know. But I don't know how to have that conversation and we..." He couldn't fight the urge to laugh. It wasn't so much funny as it was bizarre. He'd spent more than a year to perfect the art of dulling his mind, because not thinking about anything had been his chosen coping mechanism. And now that he needed his head to be clear and work properly, it refused to let him take that risk. Yuzuru smiled at Kanako. She tried to hide it, but he could see that she was worried. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think I'm not the person you should ask that question."

 

* * * * *

 

They had planned to leave early, but in the end they were one of the last people to get away from the party. It was well after midnight when they finally made it back to the apartment. Yuzuru was already untying his obi while walking down the corridor, and then he swiftly disappeared into the bedroom to get undressed. Javier dawdled around in the hallway, going back and forth until he finally stopped in front of the big mirror. He wasn't quite ready to take this off. He'd worn traditional Japanese apparel many times before, and he remembered how in the beginning it had felt more like a costume and never like real clothing. It had always looked nice, and it had been fun to borrow a high-quality Yukata for special occasions like these parties. But at first he'd never felt like he was the right type for this, like he wasn't supposed to wear that kind of clothing. It had always been different with this one, though.

Javier almost lost his balance when Yuzuru suddenly grabbed him at his belt from behind and pulled him over. He hadn't heard him come back from the bedroom, already stripped down to his underwear and a sleeveless shirt. "I help." Yuzuru swiftly opened the knot he had tied himself a couple of hours ago.

"You just want to get me naked again."

Yuzuru removed the obi and let it slide from his palm onto the floor. Javier lifted his arms when Yuzuru reached around him and undid the smaller belt that was tied in front of his stomach. "You don't want to be naked with me?" Yuzuru's moving lips touched Javier's neck as he pulled away the second belt, causing the garment to fall open.

"I want to be with you. Being naked is just a bonus."

Yuzuru giggled and called him an idiot, but they both knew that there couldn't have been a more perfect answer. He turned Javier around and let his hands glide up over his back, his fingers running smoothly between the bare skin and the silky fabric. He smiled when Javier in turn put his arms around his neck, completing the embrace and making the open Yukata engulf them like a protective cloak. They both chuckled as their noses touched. Their lips gently brushed against each other, culminating in a short, tender kiss before Yuzuru pressed his cheek against Javier's. "I don't want you to leave," he breathed into his ear and tightened his hold.

"I don't want to go," Javier whispered back, nestling his face in Yuzuru's hair.

They both fell silent. There was no hidden request, no secret agenda, only the need to have said it out loud. They kept holding on, quietly finding comfort in the arms of the other. Javier was the first one to loosen the embrace. "It's late."

"Let's just go to bed." Yuzuru leaned his face into the hand that was caressing his cheek. "Is that okay?"

Javier answered with only a smile and a kiss, and a couple of minutes later they were already lying in bed together, trying to ignore the darkness that was closing in on them from all around.

"Maybe you shouldn't come to the airport with me tomorrow."

Yuzuru looked down towards his chest where Javier had rested his head. "No way. Of course I come with you."

"I don't want you to come." When he realized that Yuzuru was fidgeting around to reach for the bedside lamp, Javier wrapped his arm tighter around his waist to hold him down. "I want to give you a hug before I leave, and I want to kiss you goodbye. I can't do that at the airport. Not unless we lock ourselves in the men's room, but that would probably be a worse idea than kissing you in the departure hall."

Yuzuru had settled down and listened to Javier in silence while he stared into the black hole that had consumed the ceiling of his bedroom. "Okay," he gave in, seemingly without a fight. "But I come pick you up when you get back."

"You don't have to..."

"I'm not asking. I'm telling you."

Javier was almost certain that Yuzuru must be able to feel the huge smile on his face, but he still turned his head and put a kiss on his chest. He could smell the scent of his body, even through the fabric of his shirt. He already dreaded the upcoming night, when he would go to sleep in yet another hotel, another unfamiliar bed that reeked of nothing but detergent and bleach. He wanted to reach for the alarm clock and turn it off. Missing a flight because he had overslept wouldn't be the lamest excuse he had ever used. Javier put another kiss on Yuzuru's chest before he laid his head back down and snuggled up to him again. "Promise you won't get out of bed before I wake up tomorrow."

A whizzing sound filled the pitch-black room as Yuzuru pulled the air in through his teeth. "I don't know. What if I must pee?"

"Wet the bed. I don't care."

Yuzuru laughed. "Shut up and sleep." He let his fingers run through Javier's hair and gently stroked his neck until he could feel his breathing become regular and calm. "I'll be here when you wake up," he added in a whisper when he was certain that Javier couldn't hear him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone :) quick note because I've been gone for so long, for which I'm really sorry. But after three years of working on this more or less non-stop, I basically had fan fiction burnout. So I took a huge step back and gave myself a break, otherwise I would've gone completely coo-coo. Sorry also to everyone who left comments and only just now gets a reply from me -.- but I really needed to get it all out of my head for a while.
> 
> I haven't given up the series and I will definitely see this through. I hope it won't take me too long until I can continue here. I'm just asking for a little more patience while I find my way back into this :)
> 
> And thanks to everyone who is still sticking with this story. I promise it will be back eventually ^_^


	20. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> Yes, I'm back.  
> I'm not going to bore you with the reasons why I was gone for so long.  
> But it has always bugged me that this series was unfinished, so I'm finishing it now.
> 
> Once again a big **thank you** to my wonderful beta [Fuchsia](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuchsia/pseuds/Fuchsia), who's still sticking with me, for reasons that are unknown to the world <3 
> 
> This chapter is going to pick up right where we left off – in case anybody still remembers where that was -.-  
> Alright, short chapter to get my feet wet again, but there will be more, and I promise it won't take another year until the next update.
> 
> ^_^
> 
> EDIT: Because I'm dumb, I failed to realize that I should probably give some pointers about where we are in the story right now.  
> In one of the earlier chapters (posted a lifetime ago -.-) I had established that Javi has come to Japan for Yuzu's show, and after that he had some appointments in Japan and China. He was supposed to go back to Spain afterwards, but he changed his plans and came back to Sendai for a few days instead. So that's where we are in the story right now, roughly 2 weeks after the ice show and Javi has just come in from China.

Javier grumbled to himself in Spanish and kicked the luggage cart he was pushing in front of him. Somehow he always managed to pick one with a broken caster, and now the thing jerkily rolled wherever it wanted, but rarely where Javier tried to steer it. This wasn't the first time he needed to reach for his backpack so it wouldn't fall off the suitcase.

The electric doors slid to the side when Javier approached them after finally having won the epic battle against the mulish cart. He walked into the arrival hall that was buzzing and brimming like on any other day of the week. Sometimes these places reminded him of anthills, with all those countless creatures busily running around and people appearing so incredibly insignificant and small compared to the overwhelmingly huge buildings. The airport in Sendai didn't make an exception. Javier's eyes wandered over the signs on the ceiling that showed directions in both Japanese and English. It had been only two weeks since he'd last been here, so he really shouldn't have so much trouble to find his way around this place. But his senses didn't seem to function properly today, probably because he was tired as all hell. He'd hoped to catch some sleep on the plane, but he hadn't been able to will his body to take even the shortest nap.

He'd finally spotted the sign that pointed him towards the train station when he noticed a colorful twinkle right underneath it. He looked down and saw yet another sign, made of paper or maybe thin cardboard. It was hard to tell from this distance. There were too many people running around, it was impossible to clearly make out a person underneath the sign, though the range of possibilities was rather narrow. The crowd dwindled, almost like people were forming a corridor between the two of them, and finally Yuzuru appeared in his entirety, still holding the glittering sign high above his head.

"I told you I would take the train."

"And I told you I come to pick you up."

Javier looked at the cardboard sign that finally got lowered to eye level. It was painted with red and yellow stripes and had big, colorful Japanese characters on it. And of course the whole thing was covered in glitter and rhinestones from top to bottom. "Subtle. Are you sure you made it sparkly enough?"

"You think I make this?"

"Well, you're the one holding it."

"It's gift from Aiko and girls in her skating class."

"That girl's gonna be our doom," Javier mumbled and took the sign from him. "What does it say? I know that this is my name," he looked at the two glittering characters on the left before he pointed at the two glistening kanji on the right, "but what does that mean?"

"They write Javi-sensei."

Javier chuckled. "That's a lot of glitter for such a formal sign."

"They want to be polite. They still think it's weird they can call you Javi."

"The little ones always have trouble saying my last name." He set the piece of cardboard down on his luggage cart. "And I've gotten used to it years ago that certain people call me Habi."

"Certain people still wait to say hello." Yuzuru winked at him and came a step closer. 

"Don't say you missed me."

"Only some parts of you."

They laughed as they finally fell into each other's arms, holding on a bit longer than was probably suitable. Yuzuru felt a hand being placed very low on the small of his back. He chuckled at the thought that Javier was probably forcing himself not to let it slide down further. 

"I didn't miss you either," Javier whispered. They briefly pressed their cheeks together, pretending that it was the next best thing to a hello kiss.

Yuzuru finally took a step back. "I have surprise for you."

 

At first Javier wasn't too thrilled when he heard that they wouldn't be going back to Yuzuru's apartment. In his mind he was already lying in bed, preferably with someone by his side, but if necessary he could also do without company. Right now he wasn't looking to get some action but only to get some rest.  
Yuzuru had different plans, though. He'd booked them a room at an onsen. Not the big spa hotel kind of facility, but more like a smallish retreat, located only a short train ride out of town. Yuzuru had even arranged for Javier's luggage to be delivered to the apartment so that they could leave right from the airport and didn't have to take a detour through the city. It was blindingly obvious that he was all kinds of excited about this, and Javier wouldn't have dreamed about saying no to him.

It was already past noon when they finally checked into the hotel. Yuzuru had tried to make the place sound not too fancy when he told him about it, but the more Javier got to see of it, the more he found it to be pretty posh. He just hoped that it wasn't quite as expensive as it looked. He was here on an invitation after all.

The room they'd been assigned was the epitome of 21st century Japan. Except for a small patch at the entrance, the entire floor was covered with tatami mats. In the corner stood a small folding-screen with a painting of blossoming cherry trees, and on the wall there was a huge glass frame, displaying several calligraphically written kanji. There were the typical Japanese chairs without legs and the matching low table, and of course there was no bed to be found anywhere because the futons were still stored in the closet during daytime. But of course, right alongside all the traditional furnishing, there was also a high-class air conditioner, a flat-screen TV the size of a movie screen and a space toilet that had more buttons than the entire ISS. Javier loved absolutely everything about this place.

They put away the few belongings they'd brought with them and then spent the afternoon strolling through the nearby town. Since neither the sun had exploded nor had hell frozen over yet, Javier of course needed to stop at every other street vendor to get something to eat. After the fourth snack, Yuzuru finally cut him off, reminding him that there was still more food waiting for them at the hotel later this day. Javier didn't see how one had anything to do with the other.

 

Yuzuru had ordered dinner at the hotel to be brought to their room. Two staff members arranged countless little bowls and warmers on the table while Javier observed every movement with growing impatience, ogling each item like he'd been starving for weeks and not like he'd spent the last few hours sampling every dish ever cooked in this region.

"Can you still eat?" Yuzuru asked once they were alone again.

"You're kidding, right?" Javier picked up a tempura with two fingers and didn't do so much as look at it before it got devoured. 

Yuzuru only shook his head. "When you get fat, Kana will say _I told you so_."

"That's the best argument for a diet if I've ever heard one." Javier used his chopsticks to pick a small slippery lump out of the thick liquid in yet another bowl. "That looks interesting," he mumbled before he swiftly let it disappear in his mouth. "Hm. Hey, by the way, your sister wrote me an email last week."

Yuzuru didn't look up from the bowl of rice in his hand, but he clearly faltered for a moment. "Oh?"

"Yeah. She thought it was important to tell me herself that your family would always support us. No matter what anybody says or _writes_ about us." A clacking noise interrupted the short period of silence when Javier shoved one bowl against another. "I thanked her. Not that I had any idea what she was talking about."

Yuzuru put down the bowl and the chopsticks before he sat up straight and folded his hands in his lap. "It's no big deal. It's just silly gossip magazine. A friend of my sister reads it and shows it to her but... they just write stupid things."

"When did you plan to tell me about that?"

"Never."

Javier's train of thought got momentarily derailed. On the one hand he appreciated the honesty, but on the other hand he really wasn't sure he liked that answer.

"It wasn't nice, but it's not important."

"Then why not tell me about it?"

"Because it's annoying. They were mean and lied, and I got really angry."

"And you don't think I should know about this?"

"No. They are stupid, and they don't deserve attention. It's bad enough that I waste time to get angry." 

Javier looked at him for a moment and then began shifting around on his seat cushion to get on his knees. He carefully placed one hand between all the little bowls as he leaned over the table. "Would you please come here so my face doesn't end up in miso soup?" He smiled at the expression on Yuzuru's face when he finally came closer to collect the kiss that had been waiting for him. "You don't have to protect me. We should deal with this together."

Yuzuru reached up to cup Javier's face, even if it meant risking him faceplant right into his dinner. "I will always try to protect you."

 

After dinner Javier basically just flopped backwards and stayed lying down with his eyes closed. He felt so heavy, it wouldn't have surprised him if he'd leave behind a Javi-shaped impression on the mats. But he knew that they hadn't just come here to double his workout hours for the next few weeks, and so he picked himself up after a couple of minutes. He crawled over to Yuzuru who still sat on the other side of the table, playing with his iPod. He kissed him on the cheek to make him take out one of the earbuds. "Wanna go check out that bath before I fall asleep?"


	21. Revival

They changed from their street clothes into the Yukata that were provided by the hotel. Javier found it a tad too pedestrian for such a fancy establishment. It was white with navy blue stripes and a belt in matching colors. The cotton fabric didn't feel uncomfortable, but it definitely wasn't anything special either. For one night it would suffice, though. 

Javier let Yuzuru take the lead, not because he still needed guidance for everything, but because he knew that Yuzuru liked himself in this role. So he let him point out the signs that directed them towards the bathing area, let him pull one of the baskets out of the shelf so Javier could put his clothes in, let him pick the washing stations where they sat down to clean themselves before going into the bath. When he heard Yuzuru say his name, Javier leaned back on his wooden stool and peeked around the small screen that separated the stations. Yuzuru mumbled something about needing to be careful because the water took an eternity to heat up. Javier nodded and smiled. No matter how many times he protested, in truth he did like it when Yuzuru was being so considerate and tried to look out for him.

Since Javier had learned by now that there was no need to skin oneself alive before entering the bath, he was done a good bit earlier than Yuzuru, who was as overzealous as ever. He patiently waited for Yuzuru to finish before they both walked over to the pool together, Javier again letting Yuzuru go ahead and enter the bath first. Yuzuru was about to wade deeper into the water, but when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that Javier was still standing at the edge of the pool, repeatedly dipping his toes into the water. "Why you wait? Come here."

"Come here? What am I, your lap dog?"

Yuzuru refrained from making a comment since they had plenty of company. "Come on," he pointed to the other side of the pool, "let's go over there." 

"Yeah. Sure." Javier looked down onto the surface. There weren't any steps that led into the water. He only needed to take one step forward to reach the bottom of the pool, and the water looked just about deep enough to go up to his thighs. Very slowly he put one foot forward, wiggling it and letting the water swash around his ankle before he pulled his leg back. He shifted his balance and put the other foot into the water, repeating the wiggling and the swashing until he finally pushed his foot all the way down to the ground. He put one hand onto the edge of the pool before he gradually pulled in his second leg.

Yuzuru tilted his head, frowning at the obscure gymnastics performance. "What are you doing?"

"I, um... uh... You go ahead, I'll be right there."

"Why not come now?"

Javier went from a hunchback position to looking as stiff as a flagpole. "I don't think that I want to go any deeper right away."

Yuzuru looked him over, his eyes slowly wandering down Javier's body to where his hands nervously hovered over his crotch. He didn't even try not to giggle. "Are you serious?"

"This is really hot." It had been a while since he'd last been to one of these Japanese pressure cookers, but he didn't remember them to be filled with volcano water.

"Just go slow. It gets better in a minute."

"I'm not sure all parts of me would survive a minute."

Yuzuru laughed and came back towards him, taking Javier's hands that still shielded the more delicate parts of his body. "Trust me," he said with a smirk that was as much a tease as it was reassuring. Javier didn't fight back when Yuzuru started to pull him forward. He tried to keep the amount of squeaking to a minimum when the hot water swirled around the upper parts of his thighs, but that was easier said than done when he felt like his lower half was being dipped into a deep fryer. The whole time they'd caught some stares from the men around them, and there had been the occasional chuckle. Now that Yuzuru had taken him by the hands and led him through the water, the silent stares began to turn into comments. Yuzuru answered them with a bright smile, causing most of the men to erupt into roaring laughter.

"What did you just tell them?"

"The truth."

" _You... Didn't._ "

Yuzuru held on to him tighter when Javier tried to withdraw his hands. "Come with me. Water is better over there."

Javier mumbled something in Spanish but still allowed Yuzuru to drag him into a corner. Strangely enough, it turned out that the water over here really didn't feel as hot as it had on the other side. Javier was not about to question the supernatural laws of Japanese nature. He was just glad that he no longer felt like a barbecue sausage, and so he slowly sunk down until the water covered him up to the waist.

Yuzuru lightly touched his leg underneath the water. "Better?" When Javier nodded, he leaned over, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Did it survive?" 

"Yeah, I think everything's still intact."

"I'm glad. I would miss it."

"Probably not as much as I would."

Yuzuru chuckled. "Probably." He leaned with his back against the wall, closed his eyes and let himself get swallowed by the water up to his neck. Nobody noticed how at the bottom of the pool, two hands moved slightly to the side, allowing two little fingers to loosely link.

 

They didn't stay in the water for too long because despite all his teasing, Yuzuru was still concerned about Javier's wellbeing. Javier of course protested once again, insisting that he should know best how much he could take. But Yuzuru was adamant that this topic was not up for debate: "I don't allow that you die of heat stroke and ruin my weekend. Get out!" 

Javier barely managed to drag himself back to their room. Sometime in the afternoon his body had seemingly forgotten that it was completely exhausted and begging for something to sleep on – a chair, a futon, a bed of nails, pretty much anything would've been acceptable. But the relaxing sensation of the hot mineral water had been a great reminder, and now he felt like he could beat Sleeping Beauty herself in a napping contest. While they had been out of the room, the staff had removed what was left of their dinner and had laid out the futons. Javier welcomed the invitation and immediately flopped down on one of them. _'Can we watch TV?'_ he heard Yuzuru's voice from somewhere. He did his best not to make too many weary noises as he pulled his face out of the pillow and looked up at him.

"There's a show I often watch on weekends. I can explain when you don't understand."

Javier smiled at him. It was a little game they used to play. They would watch one of those crazy Japanese variety shows together, where they had crazy guests who played crazy games, and from time to time a crazy mascot would dance through the studio or some other craziness would occur. At first Yuzuru would always explain and translate things, but after a while Javier would just write his own subtitles and interpret things as he saw them. Not understanding anything was half the fun for him. He still remembered the one show that had ended with a grown man wearing nothing but pink hot pants, sitting on a tricycle and singing a children's song while driving in circles. That was his gold standard now, and in his opinion every show should end like this. Yuzuru on the other hand still called that memory a fever dream and refused to believe that Javier had actually witnessed such a thing.

"Yeah, sure we can." Javier mentally hugged the futon one last time before he sat up and watched Yuzuru meddle with the remote control. "Can you give me the other... um, chair?"

Yuzuru rolled his eyes in a fashion that he must've picked up from a cartoon character. "Why you always say _um-chair?_ It's a chair. No _um_."

"It's a seat cushion with a backrest."

More eye-rolling ensued as Yuzuru dragged one of the chairs in front of the TV and then sat on it himself. "Get your own _um-chair_." He stuck out his tongue when Javier only silently blinked at him. Yuzuru didn't even know what happened when suddenly he got pulled back along with the whole chair. He barely managed to get his feet off the floor in time when Javier had already shoved one of the futons underneath Yuzuru's legs and put the other one right next to him. "What are you doing?" 

"I'm making my own chair and... hey, stop kicking!"

Yuzuru was still struggling but also laughing his head off while Javier continued to rearrange the furniture. But in the end he stopped fighting him and Javier could lie down next to him, resting his head on Yuzuru's lap. "What am I now? Your chair? Your pillow? Your bed?"

Javier turned sideways, facing the TV. "Don't care. You can be my everything," he mumbled and gently stroked Yuzuru's leg while his eyelids already dropped on their own.

 

Javier blinked drowsily as he slowly awakened. The mist of nightly shadows still clouded his view while the warm glow of the rising morning sun already shined into his face. His eyes slowly adapted and soon became aware of the silhouette of a seemingly naked body that stood out amidst the brightness. Yuzuru was looking out the window with his hands braced on the sill, his back curved, ankles crossed and his hips slightly tilted. The line his body formed could not have been painted more perfectly by a calligraphy brush.

Javier grunted when Yuzuru turned around. "No, don't move. You look pretty there." He couldn't clearly see his face, but he could hear him roll his eyes. Javier pursed his lips and stretched out one arm. "Come back here," he whined with a yawn. "Why are you up already? It's way too early."

It took Yuzuru a moment to settle down as he attempted to crawl both underneath the blanket and on top of Javier. "I got up because I can't sleep. You snore."

"I don't."

"You can't hear it because you sleep. I can hear it because I can't sleep."

Javier let his fingers run through Yuzuru's hair. "I fell asleep pretty early last night, didn't I?"

"Yes. After 5 minutes you sleep, and after 10 minutes _you start to snore_."

Javier chuckled. "Sorry. Could you at least still hear your TV show?"

"I push on your nose sometimes, then you get quiet for a while."

Javier laughed when Yuzuru pressed their noses together. "You're cold," he said as he let one hand glide over Yuzuru's bare back. "You should've put some clothes on."

Yuzuru nestled up to him further. "You make me warm." 

"If you want to cuddle, you can just say so. You don't have to turn yourself into a popsicle first."

Yuzuru gently ran his fingers through Javier's hair. "We can go and warm up in hot water."

"Okay, first of all, I just woke up a minute ago. And second," he tried not to yawn right into Yuzuru's face, "I'm pretty sure there's a no-snuggling rule in those pools."

"It's not a rule but..."

"Do I look like I want an audience when I have you naked in my arms?"

Yuzuru chuckled and propped up his chin on Javier's chest. "You can have me naked all the time. But we don't have onsen at home."

Javier faltered, only for the length of one breath. "No, we... we don't." He quickly put on a smile when Yuzuru raised his head and looked at him. He could see that he'd caught on to something, but Javier didn't give him a chance to ask. "At least my place in Madrid has a proper bathtub." Javier laughingly shoved Yuzuru down to the side, wrapping one arm and one leg around him. "That second sink you have at your place hardly counts as..."

"It's Japanese bathroom. It's normal size."

"Doesn't really matter. I rarely take baths anyway. I'm more of a shower guy."

Yuzuru laid one arm around Javier, his fingers lightly grazing over his shoulder. "You don't like it?"

"Oh no, I don't mean this." Javier kissed him on the chest and snuggled up to him. "Really, I love this. I wish we could do this more often. Thank you for taking me here."

Underneath the blanket Yuzuru's fingers kept running over Javier's arm as he quietly let him go back to sleep.

  


* * * * *

  
The sun had already started to sink when they finally made it back to the city. Yuzuru quickly went over to one of the neighbors with whom he'd left a spare key so Javier's luggage could be brought into the apartment while they were away. As a thank you, he'd bought her a small package of cookies from the hotel's gift shop, and he wanted to give it to her right away. Javier didn't bother to ask if he should tag along. Chances were that it would only lead to questions that Yuzuru wouldn't necessarily want to answer.

Javier dragged his big suitcase down the hallway and opened it on the floor next to the bed. Yuzuru's new place was no longer the size of a shoe box, but it wasn't exactly a mansion either, and so Javier only unpacked the few things he would need the next couple of days. He fished around for some fresh clothes, the toiletries bag, and it probably wouldn't hurt to find the charger for his phone. He looked up when he finally noticed Yuzuru, who must have been standing in the doorway for a while already. "Hey. How'd it go?" 

"Fine."

Javier squinted. "Then what's with that look on your face?"

Yuzuru lifted the hand in which he held a bunch of envelops. "Letters from clinic arrived."


	22. Resolution

Yuzuru quickly went to see the neighbor with whom he'd left a spare key before the weekend. His sister had already befriended the elderly lady who lived in an apartment one floor down, and when Yuzuru had moved in here, she had basically adopted him right on the spot. So of course she was happy to let the delivery guys into his apartment to drop off Javier's luggage while they were on their weekend getaway. In their silent agreement of give-and-take, Yuzuru sometimes felt like he was the one who should give back a little more than he did. But he always made it a point to show how grateful he was for her help, and that's why her door was the first stop before he would do anything else.

He gave her the box of cookies he'd bought and chatted with her for a while. He felt incredibly rude when he declined her offer to come inside for a moment, but he didn't want to make Javier wait for too long. She nodded, as understanding as ever, and told him to give her best wishes to his 'friend'. He knew that she knew better, and she knew that he knew. They just didn't talk about it.

He made another brief stop at the mailbox to grab whatever had been delivered while he was gone. He browsed through the letters in his hands as he walked up the stairs, and then he nearly tripped over a step. He felt a weird knot form in his stomach. For two weeks he'd anxiously been waiting for these to arrive, but over the past two days he'd actually not wasted one thought about it. Yuzuru stuffed the rest of the mail under his armpit and only kept the one with the big red seal and his name on the front. "Ouch." He pressed his index finger between his lips. He'd cut himself on the paper in his attempt to open the envelope. He slowly continued to walk upstairs, waiting for the bleeding to stop.

 

He found Javier on the bedroom floor with all kinds of things lying around him. At least he'd finally retrieved his phone charger from that jumbled black hole he called a suitcase. He watched Javier rifle through his things, buried up to his elbows in clothes, towels, cables and whatever else he carried around in there. He could be such a mess sometimes. Yet Yuzuru couldn't imagine being with any other version of him than the one he got. Their lives weren't perfect, and neither were the two of them or their relationship. But he started to wonder if at this point they had more to lose than to gain.

"Hey. How'd it go?" 

"Fine."

Javier squinted. "Then what's with that look on your face?"

Yuzuru lifted the hand in which he still held the two envelopes. "Letters from clinic arrived."

Javier closed his suitcase and stood up. "Got those from your neighbor?"

"Got those from mailbox."

Javier wiped away his smirk, seeing as Yuzuru didn't seem to be in a joking mood. He nodded again, almost compulsively, as if making his body appear positive would have a direct effect on the outcome of the situation. He saw that at least one envelope was torn open, and not very cautiously but like it had happened in a hurry. "So?"

He shrugged with one shoulder and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"Good. I mean, I didn't expect anything else but," he slowly inhaled, "still, that's good."

Yuzuru smiled back tentatively. "Yeah, that's good."

"What about mine?" Javier blinked at him in surprise when Yuzuru handed over a sealed envelope. "You didn't look?"

"Of course not. It's _your letter_." Yuzuru didn't respond to the eye-rolling. He watched Javier rip open the envelope, like he himself had wanted to do the very second he'd gotten it between his fingers. 

Javier slowly unfolded the series of documents, looking at one after the other. He squinted, eyebrows drawn together, his lips forming the weirdest shapes. "Well, that's... not good."

Yuzuru looked like he'd been slapped in the face with a skating boot. That was quite obviously not what he had wanted to hear right now. "Why, what is..." his breath almost hitched, "what... what does it say?"

Javier huffed through his nose and turned the papers around. "How would I know? It's all in Japanese."

Yuzuru hit him against the chest so hard, he made Javier gasp. "You!" He apologized for hurting him – kind of, because he totally deserved that – and snatched the papers from his hands. "Unbelievable, you... you!" He was still muttering some Japanese profanities while his eyes wandered over the pages. Javier had filled out the forms in English, so why they would send him a response in Japanese was anyone's guess. He turned the papers over, scanning the content thoroughly a second time.

Javier groaned, impatience engraved in his voice. "Are you memorizing it? What does it say?"

Yuzuru glanced at him, his expression almost blank as he held up the papers with both hands and began to read aloud: 「ハビエル・フェルナンデス様、。。。」 He quickly turned to the side when Javier tried to grab the letter from him. "You want to read rest alone?"

"I already know what it says."

"Oh, you _can't read_ Japanese but you _can read_ my mind?"

"Yeah, I'm fluent in Yuzu-kun." Javier boldly risked getting hit in the face with a piece of paper as he tried to overpower a struggling Yuzuru. In the end all he could do was slip behind him and wrap both arms around him. "Like you would make jokes if there was anything wrong with me." Javier held him tightly, expecting more resistance and another attempt to break free. But Yuzuru didn't fight back anymore. His body went almost slack in Javier's arms, his lips not uttering another word. "Hey, come on, this is good news." Javier kissed him on the cheek as he loosened his hold, a decision he regretted immediately when Yuzuru elbowed him in the ribs and whacked him over the head with the letters before he scurried away. "Ouch, that hurt."

"Good!"

The papers got scattered all over the floor. Javier shied away as Yuzuru charged towards him, fearing for a moment that he might be in for another slap. But instead that flailing body just crashed into him and arms were wrapped around his neck while his lips got sealed by a kiss that seemed to lack the ability to end.

"Yu... zu... air..."

Yuzuru finally backed away, chuckling at Javier's exaggerated gasping. He pressed his forehead against Javier's, fingers running through his hair and down onto his face. "You know what this means?"

"Well, usually when... you look at... me... like that," he barely got a word out because Yuzuru was hanging on his lips again, "it means that I'm about to have... pretty spectacular sex."

Yuzuru grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him backwards in the direction of the bed. "It means you finally only belo- _uahh!_ " He instinctively held on to Javier when he tripped over a cable on the floor, but he only succeeded in dragging them both down and making them plummet onto the bed. 

Javier managed to catch himself and not squash Yuzuru who was lying underneath him, laughing his head off. "When I said _spectacular_ , I didn't mean like a circus spectacle."

"Your fault! You let everything lie around."

Javier tried to offer a reply, but Yuzuru had already grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down into another kiss. 'Slow and steady' would obviously not be the theme for tonight. Instead it seemed like Yuzuru was looking for a shortcut to the finish line, pulling on pieces of clothing and yanking them off one after the other. At some point Javier's foot got stuck in the pants leg of his jeans, but Yuzuru continued to yank on it until he sent it flying across the room, knocking over a bedside lamp. Yuzuru almost followed them both down onto the floor, laughing so much about it, he nearly rolled over the edge of the bed.  
Javier could barely keep up. Yuzuru seemed hellbent on skipping foreplay entirely, rushing through all the moves and motions they both usually enjoyed together. He nearly had to put his whole weight on him when Yuzuru once again tried to weasel away, completely ignoring the fact that Javier was lying half on top of him and still in the middle of something. That _'something'_ being Yuzuru himself, who didn't seem too impressed with the two fingers inside his butt, still trying to loosen him up. "Will you stop it? You're not ready yet."

"I am ready."

"The fuck you are."

"Fuck sounds good, let's do that." He gasped sharply, his body reading up as Javier twisted his fingers and pushed them deeper inside. "Uh... You. Suck."

"I tried to, but you kept pulling out of my mouth!"

It almost gave Javier a sense of accomplishment when Yuzuru started laughing and his body seemed to no longer put up as much of a fight. Javier eased his hold, took his time moving back down, placing a trail of kisses on the inside of Yuzuru's thigh as he spread his legs further. Javier felt a tap on his cheek. Only at second glance did he notice that it hadn't been a hand that had grazed his face, but that Yuzuru had reached down to touch himself. "It's still here," he smirked, literally waving his erection into Javier's face. "Try again?"  
Javier soon learned that a stupidly broad grin was no help at all when one tried to give a proper blowjob. 

But for all his good intentions, there was a point when foreplay turned into torture, and even Javier was now approaching that moment at the speed of light. He tried to get on his knees and into position, but suddenly found himself being flipped over and lying on his back.

"Stay!" Yuzuru commanded as he scurried away to grab the lube from the nightstand.

"Stay? Didn't we talk about this? You treating me like a dog?"

Yuzuru straddled Javier's lap, leaned down and put a peck on his lips. "Stay, please," he whispered through a soft smile as he kissed him again. He did that thing with his voice where he hit that odd combination of incredibly cute and stunningly hot. In that tone he could've asked Javier to rob a bank, and chances were he'd already be halfway out the door to steal a getaway car.

Yuzuru was as liberal as ever with the lube, splashing it around like a kid having fun in a puddle of mud. He pushed his hips forward, wrapped one hand around both their cocks and starting stroking them together, his slender fingers playing with them like they were slippery joysticks. Javier clenched his teeth, trying to control himself. "I think we're good to go now," he croaked after a while, regretting his words instantly when he saw that smirk on Yuzuru's lips.

"Too slow now?" Yuzuru let go of himself but kept stroking Javier's aching cock, the grip of his fingers a wee bit tighter, just in case he needed to drive that point home with all the subtlety of a bulldozer. "You said I must not hurry so much."

"I didn't think you actually listened." He tried to counter that daring glare and the slightly evil smirk from above. Not that he stood a chance, but he tried to anyway. "And who said you get to be on top, huh?”

Yuzuru got all puppy-eyed as he put the other hand next to his ear. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That was my ass. It said it wants to be on top if you want to fuck me." 

"You're talking out of your ass now?”

Yuzuru chuckled as he shifted his weight, biting his lip to temper his moans as he lowered himself and their bodies merged. Javier held on to his waist as Yuzuru began to move, carefully, hips rolling gently, his torso following the same motion like a smooth wave, like a ripple that travelled from his core to the outer limits of his skin. Javier let him find his own rhythm before he gradually started to rock his hips, matching his slow and steady pace. He could sense that Yuzuru wanted more, wanted to go faster and deeper, that he only took things slow to rile them both up some more. Saying that it didn't work would've been a lie as big as Mount Fuji.

Javier had noticed that peek Yuzuru had dropped down on him, that sneaky glance he always liked to give him to check the reaction on Javier's face. They both knew that Yuzuru enjoyed making a show of himself when he was on top. They'd talked about this before, they'd grabbed a dictionary to look up the words _lascivious_ and _salacious_ , and they'd agreed that Yuzuru didn't mind one bit to be looked at this way. Javier would never have bought this show from any other person in the world: those lewd moans, the tantalizing glances, the way he curved his body like a contortionist who had something to prove. Javier relished every second of it because he knew this was real, this was Yuzuru being himself, pouring out his lust and joy without inhibition. Yuzuru ran his hands over his own body again, flaunting it, fingers gliding over his neck and through his hair as he tilted his head back, cheeks flushed, quiet gasps falling from his lips as he steadily increased the pace, grinding harder against Javier.

Yuzuru nearly tipped over backwards, growled like an animal when Javier pulled up his legs and pushed him forward again. He tried to drag him into a kiss, but Yuzuru grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him hard into the sheets. They kept going, went along with the flow, adapted to how the other body moved and what they thought they needed in the moment. Yuzuru kept hovering over Javier, tiny beads of sweat glistening on his forehead, and Javier could tell that Yuzuru was about ready to come undone just like he was. From the way he kept squeezing one eye shut, how his jaw trembled a little bit more with every gasping breath. And then Yuzuru suddenly kissed him, softly, with no urgency, slowing them down almost to a halt.

"Turn," he whispered into Javier's opened mouth, a question and a demand in one.

Javier held on to his hips while Yuzuru tightened the grip of his thighs and they rolled over, carefully, so they wouldn't lose one another. Yuzuru pulled up his legs and Javier moved closer, drawing another moan from his lips as he pushed in deeper. They knew each other well enough, their bodies, their, needs, which angle and move would work for them both at the same time. Javier felt Yuzuru's hand between their bodies, how he started stroking himself, the other hand clasping at Javier's arm. Fragments of language lingered in the air, none that mattered expect when they heard their own names from the other. Javier could sense the reliable quiver in Yuzuru's body right before he came, breathless and shaking. Javier kept going, his knees dug deep into the mattress, holding on to him as he pressed his cheek against Yuzuru's, taking in the smell of his body at the crook of his neck. He could hear his name from Yuzuru's lips who was still gasping and running his hands over Javier's back until he finally followed him over the edge, his trembling body causing Yuzuru to cry out one more time.

Javier heard his name being spoken again, much lower and softer than before. He could feel Yuzuru's smile as they stumbled into a sloppy kiss while just lying there, holding on to each other, the tension in their bodies now replaced by a state of ease and lightness. A sharp sigh escaped Yuzuru when Javier finally moved back. "Sorry," he whispered, assuming he might have pulled out too quickly. "That hurt?"

"I'm fine." He tried to wrap his tired legs around Javier's waist, but he had already slipped away to grab some tissues. "Come back," Yuzuru whined, one hand grasping into thin air.

"Relax, I'm not going anywhere." He quickly wiped Yuzuru's chest clean, a task he usually liked to get done rather sooner than later. Even after all these years, they still had somewhat different opinions on how much fun all kinds of sticky fluids really were, and Javier could already see it in Yuzuru's eyes that he could barely stop himself from running a finger through that cum streak for no other reason than wanting to be a tease. "Oh come on!" Javier groaned, slightly unnerved. He had no idea where Yuzuru had so far hidden that extra splash of lube, he only knew that right now he was happily spreading it in Javier's hair.

"Stupid cleaning," he chuckled, rubbing his fingers over Javier's head one more time.

"You can be such a pain in the ass." He threw the used tissue over his shoulder and grabbed Yuzuru by the wrist, not that it did him much good at this point. "Speaking of your ass," he mumbled while lying down and pulling Yuzuru into his arms, "is your butt still talking to you?"

"Always."

"Can you give it a message from me?"

He laughingly pressed a kiss onto Javier's chest. "Yeah sure, I can translate."

"Alright, first of all, tell your butt," Javier raised a finger to underline the importance of his words, "that I don't need to be blackmailed when you want to be on top. And second," he gently brushed the sticky bangs out of Yuzuru's face, trying to curb his giggles that way, "I didn't just want to _fuck you_ , cariño."

Yuzuru pressed his lips into a smile, barely able to contain the chuckles that still wanted to bubble out of him. "I know." He gave him a soft peck on the lips. "But," he could already anticipate Javier's eye-rolling, "I will not say the other one."

"It's a perfectly normal expression."

"It sounds stupid."

"For somebody who doesn't even like English, you're awfully picky with words."

Yuzuru kept the corners of his mouth pulled up, even though it was obvious that this was no longer a genuine smile. He tapped one finger against Javier's chest, attempting to distract from the awkwardness of this silent moment. "I say it with one condition. You must make promise."

Javier raised his eyebrows at the unexpected change of tone. "Name it."

"Promise I'm your last," he said, without hesitation but his voice noticeably thin. "To make love... it's just for me. Nobody else, never." The calm look on his face crumbled just the tiniest bit when Javier didn't answer right away. "Promise me."

Javier couldn't help but crack a smile, even if Yuzuru didn't seem to appreciate it at the moment. "Yeah, I figured that's what you were getting at before we fell into bed." 

Javier had always been aware what kind of impact the arrival of these letters would have. He knew that getting tested as a precaution had been the only right thing to do, because this was important for their health, their bodies. But the mere fact that they even needed to do this was also a relentless reminder of their past. Not only of how they had allowed themselves to be driven apart, but also of how Javier had actually tried to move on, a step Yuzuru had never been able to take. Javier had spent hours juggling his thoughts into a knot. He knew that he didn't have to feel guilty about trying to live his life, about being with other men. And yet he did feel guilty about being so careless with them, and he would never have forgiven himself if that recklessness had come back to haunt them both. If he had caused a maybe permanent blemish on their relationship by doing something stupid and meaningless. 

Yuzuru scraped his foot along Javier's calf and laid one arm around his waist, poking him in the side with one finger. Javier endured it quietly – because Yuzuru had earned the right to be anxious and annoying – before he finally dragged him over to lie on top of him. "You really need me to say it out loud?"

Yuzuru crossed his arms over Javier's chest and propped his chin up on the back of his hands. "I want to say that I don't need it." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "But yes. I need it."

Javier gently brushed some strands of hair behind Yuzuru's ear before he cupped his cheek. "You're the only man I ever made love to. Nobody else qualified after you, and I promise that this will never change."

Yuzuru leaned his face into Javier's hand, smiling and eyes still closed. "Thank you."

"For saying something you already knew?"

He nodded quietly as he lay down and snuggled his face into Javier's chest. "I knew in my head. But my heart feels better because you said it."


	23. Revelation

They had stayed in each other's arms for a while – because neither one of them was too proud to admit that nothing calmed their post-coital bodies down better than a good cuddle – but then Yuzuru had insisted that Javier get up and join him in the bathroom. Probably because he knew that otherwise they'd both just roll over to the other side and drool in a pillow while falling fast asleep. It wouldn't have been the first time.   
In the end Javier got ditched in the shower because Yuzuru decided that he would rather wait for him in bed instead of watching him fight it out with the last traces of lube in his hair. And he welcomed the chance to change the filthy sheets before they'd go to sleep.

Eventually Javier made it back to the bedroom, wearing only a fresh pair of boxers because that had been the only thing he could quickly grab from his suitcase which was still lying on the floor, open and in complete turmoil. He stopped in the door frame and looked at Yuzuru lying on the freshly made bed, naked for whatever reason, sprawled out across the mattress and fiddling with one of the pillow cases. It seemed like they had ripped one of the seams. Javier couldn't help but smile at the sight. He knew that this was as shallow as any thought could get, but he was not ashamed of this weakness: he still had the hots for the man he loved, and he adored every part of that body in front of him.

"Stop staring."

Javier showed off his freshly brushed teeth with a big smirk. "Let's not pretend that you don't love the attention."

"Not when I'm naked."

"Liar." Yuzuru squealed when Javier belly-flopped onto the bed and then rolled over him to the other side, pulling him along and on top of him. Javier laughed when Yuzuru pretended to put up a fight, still giggling as he tapped his palms against Javier's chest. "You're adorable, you know that?"

"Shut up."

"And you're wearing my favorite outfit."

"I'm still naked."

"And I love it when you only wear that beautiful smile."

"Bwagh." Yuzuru gagged like a cat attempting to throw up a hairball. "You're so lame." 

"If you're trying to turn me on with that... it's kind of working."

"You're disgusting." Yuzuru chuckled and snuggled up to him. "But you smell good," he mumbled as he nestled his face into Javier's chest.

"I should. I just took a shower." He smiled at the blissful sigh that grazed his skin as he wrapped his arms around Yuzuru and stroked his back. Javier had always been a happy person. There were many things in life that could bring him joy, but there was little that he loved more than these tender moments between them.

Somewhere from the side a flickering light caught Javier's eye, blinding him for a second. "What's that thing in the shelf?" 

Yuzuru looked over his shoulder before he laughed quietly and rolled down to lie next to Javier. "We had small ice show for novice skaters. Just for families. We don't have money for costumes, so for girls we borrow shiny belts from a costume shop."

Javier snorted. "And why do you now have a little girl's shiny belt?"

"She broke it. She cried because she was afraid her parents will be angry. I told her it's not so bad and I can give it back."

"Still doesn't explain why you have it now."

"I tried, but they said it's broken and I must buy it."

"You paid for it yourself and didn't tell anybody, didn't you?"

"It was accident, and she was really sad."

"By any chance was that girl about this high," he held his flat hand in front of his stomach, "and answers to the name Aiko?"

Yuzuru rolled his eyes. "She promised she will be more careful now."

"This is very sad. That little girl got you whipped."

"You would do the same."

"Yeah, I'm just as pitiful as you." Javier pulled him over and kissed him on the forehead. "Why don't you throw it away if it's broken?"

"Maybe I can repair it." Yuzuru got up and took the belt from the shelf. The black leather strap was bedecked with red and yellow rhinestones, and flimsy golden threads were hanging down from it everywhere. Yuzuru held it by the ends and spread it in front of his lower abdomen. "It's cute, right?" He wiggled the belt as well as his hips.

It did look cute. But Javier found it hard to get over the fact that the glittering dangling bits of the belt swung in tune with Yuzuru's own exposed dangling bits. "Can you please take it away from... there." Javier laughed and pointed at Yuzuru's groin where golden threads still swirled around his private parts. "It's disturbing that I find this attractive."

"You like?" Yuzuru smirked, circling his hips like a belly dancer.

"Do you ever want another blowjob in your life? Because if this is what I'm going to think about every time I see your..."

"Is this better?" Yuzuru turned around, curved his back and stuck out his butt. He held the belt over the small of his back and started shaking his tush, making golden threads fly all around it.

Javier nearly choked on his last breath as he burst out laughing. He watched Yuzuru turn in circles, wiggling his hips and humming an incoherent melody as the sparkling belt flew around his body. "Stop it, I'm begging you!" Javier didn't so much speak as just croak, almost on the verge of tears and just gasping for air.

Yuzuru didn't seem to notice anything around himself anymore as he kept singing and twirling, the belt never far from his hips. He also didn't notice how Javier's laughter began to fade. He kept watching Yuzuru as he danced around with his glittering toy, the glistening colors blending with the rest of his body. In that big jumble of colors and sounds, all Javier could see anymore was that sparkle in his eyes, all he heard was the tone of his joyful giggles.

Yuzuru finally came to a halt when he realized that Javier had gone quiet and was silently staring at him. He grinned sheepishly, rolled the belt into a bundle and held it in front of his chest. "I like it. I will not throw it away."

"Do you have a job for me?" 

Yuzuru made a face like he was searching for an appropriate comeback, but in the end he just chuckled. "What?"

"Is there a place for me? At your club?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I have to go back to Spain next week. I can't just leave and not have a plan." Javier put out his hand, but Yuzuru didn't react to it. "You know that we have to talk about it."

Yuzuru dropped the belt onto the floor in front of the bed. "You have a job. You can't leave your club."

"Of course I can."

"Don't be stupid."

"The skating program will continue without me, and I can stay involved."

"But they need you there."

"Not really. All the other coaches have a lot more experience than me. And I spend most of my time just being a public face, talking about teaching without actually doing it."

"What about your students? You always say that you don't like it when skaters must leave Spain for training."

"You know as well as I do that I'm not the head coach for anyone. Nobody will be forced to come with me." 

"But what about..."

"Why are you looking for reasons to stop me?"

Yuzuru kicked the belt halfway through the room. "Because it's scary, okay? I don't want that you do this big thing just for me."

Javier crawled to the edge of the mattress and kneeled down, extending his hand until Yuzuru actually took it. "We can't just do nothing. We have to make a choice if we want to move forward together." Javier could see that flicker in Yuzuru's eyes, the one he always got when he was forced to quickly mull over a thought that he didn't want to think about at all.

"I can go to Spain with you."

Javier smiled. "I love you for saying that," he whispered as he kissed the back of his hand, "but I don't think it would be a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because I know you. All those years in Toronto... for you it was like living at a workplace. But I actually made a home for myself there, and I know I can do that again here." He tugged at Yuzuru's hand to make him look him in the eye. "I need one place that I can call my home. And I need to know that coming home means coming home to you."

Yuzuru shifted from one foot to the other, his fingers nervously moving in Javier's palm where they were still being held tightly. "I don't know if I can let you do this for me."

"I don't think you understand." Javier pulled Yuzuru close until his legs hit the bed frame. "I'm not asking for your permission to change my life. I'm asking if you want to share _your life_ with me."

Yuzuru bit his lip so hard, it looked like he was about to draw blood. He didn't reply, but after a while his eyes softened and the corners of his mouth unclenched, allowing a finely painted smile to appear. "That line was super lame."

" _Really?_ " Javier tilted his head back and groaned. "I thought that was pretty good."

He laughed when Javier wrapped both arms around his waist and pressed his face against his chest. "I like you so lame," he whispered, fingers running through Javier's hair. "You really want to do that for me?"

"It's not just for you. It's for us."

Yuzuru wrapped his arms around Javier's head and pulled him tight against his chest, to a point where he was close to literally smothering him with affection. "Oh!" All of a sudden he stepped back, pushing Javier an arm's length away. "I totally forget." He pressed a kiss on Javier's forehead before he rushed out of the room without another word.

Javier was left kneeling at the edge of the bed, looking at the metaphorical dust cloud that followed Yuzuru's trail. "That's not exactly how I imagined this scene to play out," he mumbled to himself and scooched backwards to sit down more comfortably. "What are you doing?" All he could hear was Yuzuru rummaging around in the kitchen. "And put on some clothes," he yelled after him again, "I'm getting tired of looking at your naked ass." 

"Shut up, you love my naked ass." Yuzuru came crawling back into bed. "Here, I have present."

Javier looked down at the long, narrow package that Yuzuru had just placed on his thighs. "Um... wow, thanks." The bright pink box with the purple ribbon and the small white paper flower had certainly caught his attention, albeit probably not for the intended reasons. "Should I open it?"

"It's not for you. It's for Laura."

Javier was pretty sure that even Laura would find this wrapping a bit too much. "Thanks, I'm sure she'll love it. What's in it?" Yuzuru smirked at him and wiggled his eyebrows. Javier was about to ask again when his mind went back to that one evening a few weeks ago, when they had walked home to Yuzuru's apartment, hand in hand, shielded by the darkness of the night, looking into the windows of closed shops. "You went back to that shop and bought those chopsticks with the cat paws, didn't you?"

"You said you like them. For Laura, I mean, of course, not for you." He grinned so broadly, he was little short of tearing his own face. "I hope she likes them."

"She probably would if she ever got to see them." Javier didn't let Yuzuru's chuckles get in the way when he cupped his cheek and pulled him into a kiss. "I'll have to hide them from her in your kitchen."

"You can put them in box next to coffee machine."

"You don't have a coffee machine."

"I have one now." Yuzuru buried the little pink box between the sheets as he swung one leg over Javier to sit in his lap. "You get grumpy without coffee in the morning."

"You bought me a coffee machine?"

"I thought when you come visit more often again, it will be good that we have one."

Javier bit the corner of his lip, unsuccessfully trying not to grin too foolishly. "You bought us a coffee machine."

Yuzuru tenderly laid his hands on Javier's shoulders. "Yes, I did."

"That was a pretty lame move."

"Yeah. But I think we both really like lame."

Javier pulled him close and snuggled his face into Yuzuru's chest. "You have no idea."


End file.
